Welcome to Wonderland
by Lipton Lee
Summary: Alice Mariano Down the Rabbit Hole... Future lit.
1. The Marianos' First Day at Chilton

Disclaimer: Not mine! ASP's. no sue.  
  
A/N: Third in the "Dramatic Irony" Series, 17 years after "How to Plan."  
  
Summary: Alice Mariano down the rabbit hole.  
  
BIG giant thank you to Arianna, who beta'd this thing! (  
  
Welcome to Wonderland  
  
Ch 1. The Marianos' First Day At Chilton  
  
"It's huge."  
  
"Intimidated?"  
  
Alice Lorelai Mariano nodded as she looked up at Chilton. "I don't know if I want to do this anymore."  
  
"Try telling that to your great-grandparents."  
  
"That's okay," Alice told her father. "You can do that. I'll just..." She began to rush away from the school, but her parents both took her arms and pulled her back.  
  
"You were really excited about this," her mother said. "What changed?"  
  
"My urinary tract, I think. I'm about to pee myself," she told them.  
  
Her father gave her a disturbed look. "You're gonna be fine. It's just a school."  
  
"Uh-huh...Uh-huh...a school that looks like something out of a Hugo novel."  
  
Rory sighed and looked down at her daughter. "Don't worry."  
  
Jess nodded. "Just remember that you're better than most everyone in there. The only difference is that they all have more money."  
  
"You're not helping," Rory told him. She turned back to Alice. "I survived. You're a lot tougher than I was at your age. You're going to be fine."  
  
"If I can keep my breakfast down."  
  
Jess sighed. "It's probably all the coffee you drank."  
  
Both women stared at him in shock.  
  
"Should I stop talking now?"  
  
They nodded.  
  
"Huh."  
  
Rory sighed and hooked her arm through Alice's. "Time to go in."  
  
"Can I keep my eyes shut?"  
  
"You'll look funny," Rory replied, warning.  
  
"She always looks funny," Jess quipped.  
  
"Hey!" Alice snapped as her mother half-pulled her along. "Aren't you supposed to be supportive?"  
  
"That's never stopped him from being insulting before," Rory replied.  
  
"I'm supportive in my own, special way," Jess told them.  
  
"Short bus special?" Alice snickered.  
  
"Did I tell you that you remind me of your Uncle Luke in that plaid skirt?" her father shot back.  
  
"Oh, god," Alice moaned. "Scary mental image... Uncle Luke in a skirt." She glared at him. "You're evil."  
  
"It's often been said."  
  
Rory stopped, looking over her family. Jess, in his black button-down shirt and matching slacks. She hadn't even tried to get him into a tie. He only owned two, and neither matched his outfit. Rory's eyes wandered to Alice, who wore her Chilton uniform, her dark, wavy hair hanging loose.  
  
"What?" Alice asked. "Is there something on my face? Please tell me there's nothing on my face. I can't go in there if there's something on my face."  
  
Rory smiled. "You're fine. Just doing an once-over."  
  
"Your skirt is on backwards," Jess commented, looking his wife up and down.  
  
Rory's eyes widened. "What?!"  
  
He smirked.  
  
She glared. "You really are evil."  
  
He shrugged.  
  
They made their way into the building, and Alice let go of her mother and turned in a circle as they walked. "Welcome to Wonderland," she muttered.  
  
Rory sighed as they passed by other parents and their children, and was thankful that Alice was starting on the first day of school, and not a month in as she had. It would make things a little easier.  
  
"Rory Gilmore."  
  
She turned and spied her old headmaster. "Mr. Charleston!"  
  
Jess and Alice glanced at each other, and then at the incredibly old man in front of them.  
  
"Bet you five bucks he's over one hundred," Jess muttered.  
  
Alice smirked. "You're on," she whispered back.  
  
They watched Rory make polite conversation with the old man, until she gestured back to them.  
  
"...and this is my husband, Jess, and my daughter, Alice."  
  
Headmaster Charleston smiled politely. "Hello, Jess. Alice, it's good to have you at Chilton."  
  
Alice shook his hand clumsily. "Hi. Nice to be here, Sir."  
  
She saw her father hold back a smirk, and had to keep herself from stepping on his foot.  
  
"Your mother was very successful here," Charleston went on. "I trust you are equally hard-working."  
  
"More-so," Rory interrupted. "Alice is very dedicated."  
  
"That's good to hear," Charleston nodded. "Going into journalism, like your parents?"  
  
Alice bit her lip. "Perhaps," she said slowly. "I haven't decided yet."  
  
That, all three Marianos knew, was a lie. A big, stinky lie. Alice knew exactly what she wanted to do.  
  
"Well, Rory, it was a pleasure seeing you again," the headmaster smiled. "Jess, it was very nice to meet you. Alice, I will be seeing you around campus."  
  
Both father and daughter nodded, and the old man walked off.  
  
"That guy over a hundred?" Jess asked.  
  
Rory raised an eyebrow. "No."  
  
Alice held her hand out to Jess, who grudgingly pulled out his wallet, and removed a five dollar bill to hand it to her.  
  
Rory rolled her eyes. "Come on; let's go get your class schedule."

* * *

"You can't leave yet."  
  
"Your school day starts in ten minutes," Rory replied to her daughter after they'd helped her gather everything she'd need for the day. "And we have to go to work."  
  
"No you don't," Alice insisted. "Can't you just... stay the day?" She gave her father a cute, pleading look.  
  
Jess sighed. "Ali, you can handle this."  
  
"No, I can't."  
  
Rory hugged Alice tightly and smoothed out her hair a little. "Have a great first day."  
  
Jess kissed Alice on the top of the head when Rory stepped back. "Don't let anybody push you around."  
  
Alice sighed desperately as she watched her parents back away to turn and exit the school. She turned back to the hallway that awaited her, glancing at the other students and their parents. The girls were dressed much like she was, and the boys were dressed in sport coats and ties over their dress shirts and neatly pressed slacks. Their parents wore stiff suits, skirts and ties.  
  
She thought of her own parents' attire. Her father's black-on-black approach, and her mother's colorful skirt and blouse.  
  
She shook her head slowly, disapprovingly, at her surroundings, and made to walk down the hall, but stopped abruptly, remembering something.  
  
Alice pulled a small, silver pin from the pocket of her Chilton jacket, and looked it over.  
  
She attached the anarchy symbol to the bottom of her skirt, cocked her genetically defiant chin in the air, and made her way down the hall.

* * *

"She'll be fine."  
  
Jess nodded.  
  
Rory sighed, and turned around to walk back into Chilton. "I forgot to-"  
  
"No you didn't," Jess interrupted, taking her arm to keep her from going back in.  
  
"They're going to eat her alive."  
  
"What happened to her being fine?"  
  
"This is Chilton," Rory replied. "With it's... demanding teachers and... she's not like the other kids."  
  
"That's true."  
  
"She was listening to The Sex Pistols when she was five."  
  
Jess nodded. "That's true."  
  
Rory turned to go back into the school again, but Jess took her other arms and guided her toward the parking lot. "We have to go to work anyways," he said.  
  
Rory pouted. "I don't wanna go to work."  
  
He stopped, and raised an eyebrow at her. "Okay...what do you wanna do?"  
  
She gave a longing look to the oversized building and Jess sighed.  
  
"Besides that."  
  
Rory sighed and gave this a moment's thought. "Do you remember that record store in the city?"  
  
"Which one? There are tons."  
  
"The one!" Rory laughed. "The one you took me to before we dated."  
  
"Oh," Jess nodded in recognition. "Yeah, I remember."  
  
She smiled.  
  
"You wanna go there."  
  
"I wanna go there."  
  
He put an arm around her and walked toward their cars. "Okay. We can do that." 

* * *

  
  
By lunch time Alice had managed to speak to no one. These people made her a little paranoid. Everyone she passed spoke of things like the gossip around school, school itself, and how wealthy their parents were.  
  
No one seemed to talk about music or movies. No one seemed to speak her language. What she considered to be the language of normal. She was beginning to agree with her father. She was better than these people.  
  
She found a graciously empty table in the dining hall, and sat down with her backpack and pulled out a brown paper bag that her Uncle Luke had filled up with... well, just about everything. She pulled out a turkey sandwich, apple slices, a small bag of potato chips, celery sticks in a plastic bag, and a brownie for desert. Her Grandma Lorelai had slipped her a Styrofoam box filled with cold cheese fries and onion rings.  
  
She smiled, remembering the serious look on the older woman's face as she'd given instructions on how to hide them so as her uncle would not be suspicious.  
  
"Wow. That is some lunch, Mary."  
  
She blinked and looked up to see a somewhat tall boy with blond hair and a haughty smile standing over her. She didn't reply, only opened up her bag of chips and ate one.  
  
"You're new here, aren't you, Mary?"  
  
Her mother had warned her of the nickname. Mary. Used on girls who outwardly seemed prudish and innocent.  
  
She gave the boy an amused smirk and ate another chip. He had no idea who he was dealing with. She was Alice Mariano. Her father's daughter. She'd be damned if she'd take this.  
  
She looked him up and down, scrutinizing. The boy seemed to lose some of his nerve and shifted under her eyes.  
  
"What's your name?" she asked him slowly.  
  
"Tristin Dugrey the Second," he told her coolly. "And you're Mary Mariano."  
  
"Huh," she shrugged. "Who knew?"  
  
"I did," he smiled, sitting across from her. "I know all about you."  
  
"I highly doubt that since you can't seem to get my name right."  
  
"We'll get along great, I can tell."  
  
She raised an eyebrow at him, and he merely gave her a smile.  
  
"Hey."  
  
"Yeah?" he asked, leaning forward.  
  
"If I give you an onion ring will you go away?" She pulled a large book out of her bag. "I was hoping to get some of this read."  
  
His expression became confused.  
  
"Okay, see... some animals... dogs, mostly... if you give them something to eat, they'll leave you alone for a while," Alice explained. "And... y'know, you did comment on how big my lunch is. So, again, I ask: if I give you an onion ring will you go away?"  
  
"How about...an onion ring and a movie on Saturday night?"  
  
This, she was not expecting. She gave him her own confused look and sat back a little.  
  
"Come on... I take an onion ring... you agree to see a movie with me Saturday night, and I won't talk to you, I won't even look at you, until that time."  
  
"No."  
  
"Saturday it is."  
  
"Oh, crap."  
  
"How about I pick you up at seven?"  
  
"I did say no."  
  
Tristin smiled, took an onion ring, and got up. "See you then."  
  
She watched him walk off, shock written on her face. A moment later, she took out her cell phone and dialed. "Mommy?" 

* * *

  
  
Rory sighed into her cell phone, struggling to hear her daughter over the loud music that was playing in the ancient record store. "Well, the next time you see him, just tell him no." She sighed. "Alice, calm down... Do you want to talk to Dad?" Rory nodded. "Okay, just hang in there, and have a good day. Okay. Love you." She hung up the phone and stared at it for a moment.  
  
Jess walked over with a stack of albums. "What's up?"  
  
"She hasn't been there one day, and already she's being harassed by Dugrey."  
  
"Dugrey? The blond who harassed you at Chilton?" Jess asked, leaning against a table, looking at his wife with interest.  
  
"That's the one," Rory nodded. "It seems he has a protégé. He's messing with Alice."  
  
"Huh."  
  
Rory raised an eyebrow at him. "That wouldn't be murder in your eyes, would it, Mr. Mariano?"  
  
Jess shrugged. "Maybe." 

* * *

  
  
"So, you're going out on a date with Tristin Dugrey."  
  
Alice sighed. This would be the fourth girl to ask this same question. She turned and was faced with a stick-thin bleach-blond.  
  
"Well?" The girl coaxed. "Come on, Mary, spill the beans. You and Tristin?"  
  
This, Alice was in no mood for. It had been a hell of a day already. "You'll be very sorry if you call me Mary again."  
  
The girl glared. "You and what army?"  
  
"Don't need an army to bust you up, Twiggy," Alice replied harshly. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have class." She pushed past the blond and walked tall in the other direction.  
  
"Wow... that was r-really cool."  
  
Alice stopped and looked beside her to find a girl walking with her. She smiled and stopped. "Madison?"  
  
Madison Gellar smiled shyly and pushed a strand of dirty blond hair away from her face. "Hey."  
  
"Mad!" Alice cried. "Nobody told me you were going here."  
  
Madison shrugged. "I just started today," she said. "It's been... uhm... nerve-wracking... Kayla? That girl? The one you just told off? She's uhm... she's really mean."  
  
Alice rolled her eyes. "She's nothing special. She's no snobbier than some of the girls in Stars Hollow."  
  
"Yeah... I wouldn't know," Madison nodded. "Home school and... and all."  
  
"Right," Alice said. "What's your next class?"  
  
Madison held out her schedule for the other girl to see, and Alice smirked.  
  
"American lit. Come on."  
  
"You, too?" Madison asked.  
  
Alice nodded and started walking again, thankful to have someone to talk to.  
  
"So... you and that Tristin guy?"  
  
Alice groaned. "No. He's just a jack-ass."  
  
"Oh." 

* * *

Alice was tapped on the shoulder as she was exiting the school. She stopped and turned, along with Madison, who was walking alongside her.  
  
Alice glared. "What do you want, Junior?"  
  
Tristin smirked. "I forgot to get directions to your house."  
  
Alice smiled sweetly, walking a little closer. "Well," she said, putting a delicate hand on his arm. "You just take a left at..." she gripped his arm quickly, lifted a knee, and slammed him in the groin with it. "And you're there."  
  
Tristin doubled over, dropping his book bag. "Oh..." His voice cracked. "God..."  
  
Madison stood staring in shock as Alice took her by the arm and began to walk off. 


	2. She Kicked Him Where?

Big Hugs to Arianna for the betaing!

Chapter 2: She Kicked Him Where?  
  
She got off the bus, struggling to lug her over-filled backpack down the steps. She swung it onto the bench, accidentally almost hitting the person sitting.  
  
"Hey, whoa! Watch it!"  
  
She sighed and sat down and rested her head on grandmother's arm.  
  
Lorelai smiled and wrapped the arm around Alice, bringing her close. "Tell Grandmommy about your first day at Chilton."  
  
"Disastrous," Alice pouted. "I got asked... no, bribed to go out on a date by a blond guy with an ego the size of Eurasia, and everybody called me Mary."  
  
Lorelai hugged her granddaughter close. She knew this drill all too well. "It happens to all the new kids."  
  
"I met up with Madison," Alice told her. "That was about the only good thing that happened all day... other than the feelings of vindication I got from kicking Ego Guy in the nuts."  
  
Lorelai blinked and looked at the girl in her arms. "You kicked him in the nuts?"  
  
She nodded. "I kicked Ego Guy in the nuts."  
  
The older woman smiled and kissed the top of her head. "Good girl."  
  
Alice pulled back a little. "What are you doing here, anyways?"  
  
"Well, your mom and dad ran away with each other for the day, and I figured you'd need a shoulder to pout on."  
  
Alice nodded and smiled. "Thanks." She looked down at her watch, and her eyes widened. "Oh."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Uncle Luke... diner... I'm late for work!" She got up and hefted her backpack over her shoulder. She wasn't very strong, and she almost dropped it.  
  
Lorelai got up and helped her with the backpack as they made their way to Luke's. "Ali?"  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"How many of the books in here are for recreational reading and not schoolwork?"  
  
Alice smirked. "Wouldn't you like to know?"

* * *

"I'm late! I know! I'm sorry! Don't fire me!"  
  
Luke looked up. "S'okay..." he watched her rush past him. "You okay?"  
  
She sighed and ran behind counter, through the curtain, up the stairs. "I'm fine... I think..." she called down from the apartment. "I don't know... I kneed this guy in the groin after classes let out..."  
  
Luke blinked at the staircase. "You did what?"  
  
Lorelai smiled as she sat down at the counter. "She kicked him in the- "  
  
"I heard," Luke cut her off. "What are you doing here? I thought you were working."  
  
"Hi, Luke. I love you, too. Yes, this is a surprise, isn't it? I'm glad you're glad I'm here."  
  
Luke rolled his eyes and Lorelai leaned across the counter to kiss him just as Alice rushed back down the stairs in a pair of jeans and a plain t-shirt.  
  
"Ugh. Old people kissing," she groaned.  
  
"Hey!" Lorelai cried, pulling away from Luke. "I am not old!"  
  
Alice rolled his eyes and reached for the coffee pot just as Luke did. They both stopped and stared at each other.  
  
"I need coffee," she told him.  
  
"So does your grandmother."  
  
"I need it more," Alice said. "I just spent an entire day with fascists."  
  
"Fascists?" Luke blinked.  
  
"You've been reading The Oral History of Punk again, haven't you?" Lorelai asked, with an amused look.  
  
Luke and Alice stared each other down, and both lunged for the coffee at the same time. Alice got there first and snapped the pot up.  
  
"That was pathetic," Lorelai commented.  
  
Luke sighed. "I beat her out yesterday."  
  
"That was yesterday," Alice replied. "Today I win." She took out two mugs; one for herself, and one for Lorelai and filled them both.  
  
"Finish that fast, please," Luke told her. "You've got worked to do."  
  
"Yessir." She slugged down her coffee quickly, placed it in back with the other dirty dishes, and then grabbed her order pad and pencil to go help customers.  
  
Luke sighed and watched his fifteen-year-old great-niece work. He caught a glimpse of a half-folded book sticking out of her back pocket and smirked, reminded of another, less cooperative teen who used to work these shifts.  
  
"Where the hell does the time go?" he muttered, shaking his head again.  
  
Lorelai smiled and followed Luke's gaze. "She's gonna be sixteen, soon."  
  
"We're so old."  
  
"I am not old!" Lorelai repeated. "I refuse to be old! You are old."  
  
Luke shook his head. "Drink your coffee." He frowned, not really comprehending what he'd just said.  
  
Lorelai snickered. "If you insist." She lifted her mug with a smile.  
  
At that moment, the diner door swung open, and a tall, blond girl rushed through, looking around frantically. She spotted Alice and smiled widely. "Chilton Girl!"  
  
Alice smirked. "The name is Mary, now, actually."  
  
The blond paid no attention to this remark and threw herself at Alice. "I missed you!"  
  
"Hey, Emma."  
  
"Whyyyyy do you have to go to Stuffyland?" she asked. "Come back to the real world of school! With dimwits, and halfwits, and people with no wits at all!"  
  
Alice snickered and pushed Emma Forrester away. "Come on, you know I can't come back. I've gotta show up all those snooty bastards in Hartford."  
  
The other girl cracked a wide smile and took a seat at a table. "Well, give 'em hell for me."  
  
"Will do," Alice nodded. "What do you want?"  
  
"You back at SH High."  
  
"I meant to eat, you bimbo," Alice snapped with a playful glare.  
  
"That's beautiful blond bimbo to you," Emma smirked. "Burger?"  
  
Alice nodded and scribbled on her pad. "Fries?"  
  
"Good god, yes, she wants the fries."  
  
A boy their age slid into the seat across from Emma, pushing brown and red shaggy hair out of his face.  
  
Alice gave another nod and scribbled more. "Hey, Joey."  
  
Joey Rygalski reached over and pulled Alice down for a hug. "Hey. How was stick-up-the-butt-ville?"  
  
"Stick-up-the-butt-y," Alice replied, hugging back a little. "How was public school hell?"  
  
"Hell," Joey replied. "Can I get a coke, too?"  
  
"If you must," Alice nodded, still writing. "Em?"  
  
"Same."  
  
Alice smirked at them. "I'll be right back with your order, lovebirds."  
  
Joey rolled his eyes. "Shut up."  
  
"We're not lovebirds!" Emma cried in protest. "We are casually dating... birds!"  
  
Alice rolled her eyes and waved a dismissive hand as she put the order into the kitchen.  
  
"They're dating?" Lorelai asked.  
  
"Kinda," Alice replied with a shrug as she turned back to her grandmother.  
  
"Aw, babe..."  
  
"What?" Alice asked. "It's no big deal."  
  
"They're your best friends," Lorelai pointed out. "You're a third wheel."  
  
"I am not."  
  
"You are," Lorelai nodded sympathetically. "And it sucks... hey... you wouldn't consider taking Ego Guy up on the-"  
  
"Nope."  
  
"Ali-"  
  
"Nope."  
  
Lorelai groaned. "Maybe he's-"  
  
"Gotta work." She rushed over to another table that had just been filled.  
  
Lorelai blinked and turned to Luke who had just come out from the store room. "Y'know... it's really scary how much like Jess she can actually be."  
  
Luke shook his head. "Let's not go there."  
  
Alice walked back over and picked up her friends' orders, and walked off to put them on their table. "So when's our next band practice?" she asked them.  
  
Joey looked thoughtful and sat back as he ate his fries. "This weekend good?"  
  
Emma shrugged. "Sounds fine as long as my dad doesn't schedule 'family bonding time.'"  
  
"Oh, gotta love forced family bonding," Joey commented.  
  
"What do you know about it?" Emma shot, taking a large bite from her burger. "You're a momma's boy."  
  
"Am not!" Joey cried with a laugh. "I love my parents. Sue me."  
  
"Alas, I too am fond of my parents," Alice nodded gravely.  
  
"Yeah, but you're lucky," Emma told her. "Your family bonding time consists of silence."  
  
Alice shrugged. "There's music going sometimes... and sometimes we read passages to each other if we like them a lot..."  
  
Joey smirked. "You're family is nerdy."  
  
Alice laughed. "Oh, like you're one to talk, Mr. "I'm not allowed to take music theory in school, because my parents say they teach it wrong.'"  
  
"They're not wrong!" Joey defended.  
  
"Mmmhm," both girls replied.  
  
"So, how was your first day at Chilton?" Joey asked, changing the subject.  
  
Alice sighed and sat down next to him. "Sucked for the most part. People called me Mary. I was harassed by a blond who has received the esteemed nickname of Ego Guy, and I kicked him in the nuts."  
  
Joey flinched. "I'm kinda sorry I asked."  
  
"It'll get better," Emma smiled. "And if it doesn't you can come back to us!"  
  
"And risk my great grandparents forming a lynch mob?" Alice asked. "Sure. That'll happen."  
  
Emma was about to reply, when her watch alarm went off. She looked down at it and sighed. "Hey, Joe, the movie starts in ten. We should get going."  
  
"Date?" Alice asked.  
  
Joey shrugged. "She wants to see this new... teen... movie... thing. Frankly, I'm a little scared, but I figure if I'm distracting enough it won't make a difference." He wiggled his eyebrows with a devious smirk.  
  
Emma smacked him playfully as she got up.  
  
Joey laughed and pulled out cash and set it down on the table. "I'll let you know about practice, Ali." He got up and hugged her lightly as she got to her feet as well.  
  
"Sounds good," she nodded. "Have fun, you guys."  
  
They smiled, and Emma waved and they walked out, just as two other people were entering.  
  
"Hey, Em, hey Joe."  
  
"Hey, Jess!" Emma replied brightly as she walked off with Joey. "Hey, Rory."  
  
"Daughter!" Lorelai cried to Rory.  
  
"Daughter!" Rory cried to Alice.  
  
Rory grabbed Alice into a hug, just as Lorelai jumped up and hugged Rory. Alice let out something that was somewhere in-between a squeak and a choke.  
  
Jess shook his head as he made his way over to the counter. "Hey, Luke."  
  
Luke nodded. "How was the city?"  
  
"Fine...we nearly bought out a record store."  
  
Luke blinked. "You didn't go to work."  
  
"Played hooky."  
  
"You're a horrible influence."  
  
Jess nodded. "Pretty much."  
  
Luke glanced over to the girls. Lorelai and Rory were still hugging tightly, and Alice was doing her best to break free from them.  
  
"Come on, you guys, it's enough," Alice said. "I gotta work."  
  
"Your daughter kicked a guy where it counts," Lorelai told Rory.  
  
"She did?" Rory asked a little shocked. She looked down at her daughter. "You did?"  
  
"He had it coming!"  
  
Jess smirked. "I'm proud."  
  
"What if he tells someone?" Rory asked worriedly. "What if it gets back to administration and you get in trouble..."  
  
"No self-respecting male is going to admit being beaten up by a girl," Jess said. "She'll be fine."

* * *

"'She'll be fine,'" Rory quoted, as she entered Chilton the next morning before classes began.  
  
Jess followed with a deep sigh. "I hate parent-teacher conferences."  
  
"If you would stop teaching her how to fight, this wouldn't be a problem," Rory told him.  
  
"I never taught her that," Jess said defensively. "That's a cheap move, even for a girl."  
  
Rory rolled her eyes, and knocked on the headmaster's door.  
  
"Come in!"  
  
She opened it slowly and looked in. "Mr. Charleston?"  
  
"Ah, Rory...Jess...come in," the old man said from behind his desk.  
  
The man sitting in front of him turned around and smirked. "Rory Gilmore."  
  
"Mariano," she corrected, taking Jess's hand and walking in. "Tristin, how are you?"  
  
"Fine, except for the fact that my son was brutally assaulted."  
  
Jess muttered something under his breath and Rory pinched the skin of his palm as they took a seat. He pulled his hand away quickly, and said nothing else.  
  
It was going to be a long day.

* * *

"So you got out of detention?"  
  
Alice nodded to Madison that day at lunch. "Mom got all indignant about harassment and Dad felt it was justified... there's no arguing with Jess and Rory Mariano when they agree on something."  
  
Madison gave a small smirk. "Especially you, right?"  
  
"I have been known to be well-protected."  
  
"That sounds dirty."  
  
The two girls looked up to see a redheaded boy standing at the end of their table.  
  
"Who're you?" Alice asked, eating a pretzel.  
  
"Charlie Ellington," he replied.  
  
"Like Duke?" Alice asked.  
  
Charlie narrowed his eyes a little. "Who...?"  
  
"Duke... Ellington, He-"the brunette stopped and sighed. "Never mind."  
  
"You're Alice Mariano, right?"  
  
"Holy Swiss cheese, Batman! Someone knows my name!"  
  
"Uh..." Charlie stammered a little. "I just wanted to come over and apologize on behalf of my best friend, Tristin..."  
  
Alice blinked, a little confused. "Oh... kay."  
  
"He can be kind of annoying," the lanky boy went on. "You're the first girl to actually fight back."  
  
"Huh."  
  
Charlie scratched the back of his head. "Anyways... I just wanted to... y'know, he didn't mean anything by it, he's just... persistent."  
  
Both girls stared at him.  
  
He rushed off.  
  
"What a strange person," Madison commented.  
  
Alice smirked and kept eating.

* * *

"All right, okay. But if I have to read Fountain Head...again...You've gotta read Farewell to Arms."  
  
"Again?!"  
  
"Hey, no Farewell, no Fountain Head."  
  
Rory groaned. "Impossible man."  
  
"Damn woman."  
  
She laughed and pushed him playfully. "How long has this argument been going on?"  
  
Jess sighed and looked out at the street before them from his spot on their porch swing. "Almost twenty years."  
  
"That's impressive," she commented. "We should find something more substantial to argue about."  
  
"More substantial than the eternal question of Ayn versus Ernest?" Jess smirked. "No such thing."  
  
Rory smiled and swung her feet up to rest on his lap. "We should argue about our daughter's future."  
  
Jess blinked at his wife.  
  
"Okay. Maybe not. Speaking of, shouldn't she be home by now?"  
  
"Maybe she stopped off somewhere to 'brutally assault' someone," Jess muttered, looking down at the book in his hands.  
  
Rory snickered and tapped his arm with her foot. "You didn't like Tristin, did you?"  
  
"Corporate fascist," Jess replied.  
  
Alice walked up the driveway and to the porch, staring at her parents in confusion. She set her book bag down. "What are you guys doing here?"  
  
"My editing meeting ended early," Rory replied, lifting her feet so her daughter could sit down, and then putting her feet back in place.  
  
"I played hooky again," Jess said.  
  
"Bad Dad."  
  
"Like you're complaining."  
  
Alice snickered, and rested her head on his arm, trying to get a better look at what he was reading. 


	3. Gnome Thievery

Part Three: Gnome Thievery  
  
Rory pushed a strand of hair behind Alice's ear, and straightened out Jess's shirt collar. "Okay. Are we ready?"  
  
"No," both father and daughter voiced.  
  
Rory sighed. "Come on, you guys, its one night a week."  
  
Jess rolled his eyes. "One night a week of slow, painful, tor-"  
  
"Grandma!"  
  
Alice looked up to see her great-grandmother Emily standing in the doorway, smiling.  
  
"Rory." She hugged her. "Alice." She hugged her as well, and then gave a nod to Jess. "Jess."  
  
"Hi, Emily."  
  
"No maid?" Rory asked. "You don't normally answer the door."  
  
Emily sighed heavily. "She seems to have disappeared on us."  
  
"Probably in the torture chamber with the others," Jess muttered under his breath.  
  
Alice struggled to keep a straight face, and Rory cleared her throat quietly.  
  
Emily paid little attention. "Well, come in. Lorelai and Luke are late... as usual."  
  
The trio followed her into the living room; Alice sat in between her parents on the couch.  
  
"Would you like something to drink?" Emily asked, walking around to the bar.  
  
"Martini, please?" Rory asked.  
  
"Whiskey," Jess added.  
  
"Margarita," Alice stated.  
  
All three adults stared at her.  
  
"What?"  
  
Rory sighed. "She'll have a soda."  
  
Alice pouted a little and sat back. "Wanted a margarita..." she muttered.  
  
"You've never even had a margarita," Jess pointed out.  
  
"I like trying new things...it makes me a better-rounded person."  
  
"A better-rounded...slightly inebriated person," Rory nodded.  
  
"It worked for Fitzgerald."  
  
"Fitzgerald wasn't slightly drunk," Jess corrected. "He was piss- drunk. Big difference."  
  
Emily walked back over, and handed Rory her martini, Jess his whiskey, and Alice a soda. "So, how has everyone's week been? Alice, how is Chilton?"  
  
She forced out a smile and sipped her soda. "Fine. Classes are good...the people are...interesting..."  
  
Emily smiled. "Glad to hear it. Rory? How is the paper?"  
  
Rory nodded. "Fine. I'm on overload with editing, but it's going good."  
  
Emily nodded. "And Jess? The magazine?"  
  
He shifted a little. He hadn't been in all week. "It's good. I have an interview over the weekend."  
  
Alice turned to him. "You do? Is it someone lame? Are you going to get to make Britney Spears cry again?"  
  
Jess smirked. "No. Respectable musician this time. Sorry."  
  
Richard walked down the stairs at that moment, straightening his tie. "Ah. Rory, Jess, Alice. I didn't know you were here already."  
  
"Surprise," Rory smiled, getting up to hug her grandfather.  
  
Alice followed suit, hugging him lightly, and Jess got up to shake hands.  
  
Emily sighed as she looked at her watch. "Where are they?"  
  
At that moment, the doorbell rang, but no one answered it.  
  
Richard blinked. "Where is Belinda?"  
  
"Belinda?" Emily asked. "I thought her name was Bianca?"  
  
Jess gave the slightest look of distaste at this exchanged and sat back a little, finishing off his whiskey.  
  
Emily shook her head and got up. "I'll get it."  
  
Richard smiled at the trio in front of him. "So, how are you three? You look well."  
  
"We're great, Grandpa," Rory smiled. "Alice had a good week at school, paper's fine; Jess has an interview this weekend."  
  
Richard nodded. "Good, good to hear." He looked up. "Ah, Lorelai, Luke."  
  
More greetings took place, and the new arrivals sat down. More small talk commenced, and Alice hopped to her feet.  
  
"Bathroom," she announced, walking off.  
  
Emily gave a slightly shocked look to the teen's back. "Well, that was a little rude."  
  
"She has to go to the bathroom, Mom," Lorelai explained.  
  
"Well, she could have handled informing us better," Emily replied. "You don't just say one word, and then walk off."  
  
Jess muttered something, and Rory squeezed her eyes shut to keep from laughing a little.  
  
It was going to be a long night.

* * *

Alice took her time walking back from the bathroom. Her great- grandparents' house always amazed her. It was huge, and tastefully extravagant, with its antiques and expensive-looking furnishings.  
  
She liked the pictures best. There was one wall dedicated to family photos, and they spanned from when her great-grandfather was a child, all the way to a picture taken of herself a month prior.  
  
Her favorites were the wedding photos. It amazed her how young Richard and Emily Gilmore had been once upon a time. Alice's grandmother had no wedding picture, but there was a formal photo taken of her and Luke, arms wrapped around each other, looking happy. The silly version of the photo (complete with tongues out and bunny ears) was kept on the mantel in the Gilmore-Danes home. The last wedding photo was of Alice's parents. Her father had a serious, but soft look on his face, and her mother was smiling brilliantly.  
  
"There you are!" cried Luke's voice from behind her.  
  
She turned and shifted on her feet a little. "Hey, Uncle Luke."  
  
"What's up?" he asked. "Your grandma Lorelai was afraid you'd fallen into the toilet or something."  
  
Alice shrugged with a smirk. "Just looking at the pictures."  
  
Luke look past her at the wall of photos and nodded. "They're nice... Jeez, look at that." He took a frame off the wall and studied it carefully. "I didn't know they had a copy of this."  
  
Alice looked at the picture and smirked. It had been taken in the diner, on an obviously sunny day. Luke and Jess were leaning on the counter next to each other, neither smiling, but neither looking unhappy. Jess looked to be muttering something to Luke. In front of them on the bar stools were Lorelai and Rory, both smiling and hugging each other. Alice's parents couldn't have been older than twenty.  
  
"Who took it?"  
  
"Your Aunt Lane," Luke replied. "I wonder where Emily got it." He smiled and put the picture back in place. "Come on, dinner's ready."

* * *

The click against her bedroom window turned her attention away from her book that evening after dinner. Alice squinted at it and slowly got up, book in hand, and looked down.  
  
There was Joey, hands in the pockets of his black jeans, smirk on his face.  
  
She opened up the window, and stuck her head out. "Hello, dark and mysterious stranger."  
  
His smirk turned into a smile. "Hey, lady. Feel like coming out to play?"  
  
Alice smiled.

* * *

Emma looked up from reading her Cosmo when she heard the tapping on the window. She smiled and rushed over from her desk to open it. "Hey."  
  
Alice smiled from the adjacent tree. "Hey there, hot stuff," she joked. "What's say I take you away from all this?"  
  
Emma snickered. "I like the sound of that. There wouldn't be a Joey with you, would there?"  
  
"Alas, he was too afraid to climb the tree."  
  
"I can hear you!" Joey called from the ground.  
  
Emma giggled. "I'll meet you at the front door."  
  
"Yes, Ma'am."

* * *

Dean Forrester watched his only daughter rush down the stairs, and to the front door as it was knocked on. She opened to reveal Joey and Alice.  
  
"Going out, Dad!" Emma called.  
  
Dean sighed from his spot at the kitchen table. "Where?"  
  
"Just for a walk."  
  
"When are you coming back?" he asked.  
  
"Not too late."  
  
"Right."  
  
Emma turned and pouted. "You don't believe me?"  
  
Dean gave her a smirk and shook his head. "Have fun. Be safe."  
  
"Will do!"  
  
Dean got up and walked to the door. "Hey, Joey; Alice."  
  
"Hi, Dean," Alice waved. "We'll take care of your daughter."  
  
Joey nodded in agreement. "No harm shall come to Emma."  
  
"I'm more worried about the rest of the town with you three prowling around," Dean admitted, trying not to smile at them.  
  
"Are you implying that we are bad, delinquent children?" Emma asked in mock shock. "I am insulted!"  
  
"Go," Dean told them.  
  
Alice pulled Emma out the door, and they walked off.  
  
Dean watched and shook his head, and was about to close the door when a broken-down red Ford Anglia pulled into the drive.  
  
"MIKEY!" Emma cried, breaking away from her boyfriend and best friend to go hug the leather jacket-clad, shaggy-hair young man who was getting out of the car.  
  
"Christ, Emma get off me," Mike snapped.  
  
She smiled and let go of him. "What are you doing here? I thought you weren't gonna come visit till Christmas."  
  
He shrugged and straightened himself out. "Felt like visiting."  
  
Emma smiled. "Okay. Well... I'm glad you're here... I'm going for a walk but maybe we could hang out when I get back.'  
  
Mike nodded. "Okay." He walked to the front door and confronted Dean, who was looking a little surprised.  
  
"Mike."  
  
"Dad."  
  
"This is a surprise."  
  
Mike shrugged.  
  
"How's Chicago?"  
  
He shrugged again.  
  
"You're moving back." Dean concluded.  
  
"Ran out of cash," Mike said quietly. "Got kicked out of the apartment. Lost my job. Grandma didn't want me there."  
  
Dean nodded and let him in.

* * *

"Wow, the great Mike has returned," Joey said.  
  
Emma smiled. "Yeah. I can't believe he's here! Mom's gonna flip!"  
  
"In a good way or in a bad way?" Alice asked. "I mean... if I remember correctly, the last time he was here... a year ago, he was hopped up on whatever it was he was smoking or snorting at the time, and arguing with your parents."  
  
Emma shrugged. "Maybe things have changed." She smiled at them. "People can change, right?"  
  
Joey wrapped an arm around her. "Yeah. Yeah, they can."

* * *

Dave Rygalski tilted his head at the dirty, old lawn gnome that was seated at the kitchen table that sunny Saturday morning. "Lane?"  
  
Lane walked into the kitchen and hooked her arm through his. She reached up and kissed his cheek. "Morning."  
  
"Morning," Dave smiled at her, but then turned his attention back to the kitchen table. "Do we usually invite lawn gnomes to breakfast?"  
  
Lane blinked and followed his gaze. "I... Oh. That's a lawn gnome..."  
  
"It is."  
  
"Did you put it there?"  
  
"Nope."  
  
Lane squinted at it. "I didn't put it there."  
  
Dave sighed. "JOSEPH!" he called loudly. "YOU GOT SOME 'SPLAININ TO DO!"

* * *

Lindsay Forrester quietly opened the door to her daughter's room, and looked in to find both of her children sleeping peacefully.  
  
"Mike?" she whispered in shock.  
  
And then she saw it.  
  
The dingy lawn gnome that was lying on the floor.  
  
"Dean!" Lindsay called; knowing that nothing short of a nuclear explosion could wake up her children.  
  
Her husband climbed the stairs. "Yeah?"  
  
"First of all," the blond hissed. "What the hell is Mike doing here?"  
  
Dean sighed. "I-"  
  
"Second of all," Lindsay cut him off. "What is that gnome doing here?"  
  
Dean looked in, and rolled his eyes. "Dammit, Emma!"

* * *

Jess trudged down the stairs groggily, running a hand through his hair. Yup. Still all there. Graying faster than Speedy Gonzales (in Jess's eyes at least) but all there. He sighed and was about to walk into the kitchen, but stopped and backtracked into the living room.  
  
He stared blearily down at the lawn gnome sitting on his couch.  
  
"Pierpont?"  
  
Jess looked around a little, and then picked up the phone and dialed. "Hey, Luke. Guess what Alice did."

* * *

Emma followed her father down Maple Street. "It's just a lawn gnome."  
  
Dean sighed as he carried the gnome at a brisk pace. "But it's not your lawn gnome."  
  
Emma rolled her eyes and he whirled around to face her.  
  
"Stealing is wrong."  
  
"Bad Emma!" she cried, slapping herself on the wrist. "Bad, bad Emma! No soup for you!"  
  
Dean rolled his eyes. "Be serious, please."  
  
She gave him a bright smile. "Yes, Daddy."  
  
"Why did you steal this thing?"  
  
She shrugged. "We were bored."  
  
"Was this Alice's idea?" Dean snapped. "I swear to god..."  
  
"It was Joey's idea," Emma smiled.  
  
"Oh, even better," Dean droned out. "You're grounded."  
  
"What?! It's just a lawn gnome!"  
  
"But it's not your lawn gnome!"  
  
"I'm a little ashamed."  
  
Dean turned at the sound of the easy voice. Jess was walking up, carrying his own lawn gnome, trailed by his daughter.  
  
"I'm sorry," Alice replied regretfully.  
  
"Alice, you have got to learn that stealing, while fun, and sometimes thrilling, is only so until you get caught... and believe me, this town will always catch you."  
  
The small brunette sighed. "Yes, Dad."  
  
"And now, since you've been found out, I have to think up suitable punishment," Jess went on. "And I suck at that."  
  
Alice gave him a hopeful smile. "Maybe you could skip that and get me ice cream."  
  
"No... that won't do," Jess replied, grimacing. "Looks like movie night is off tomorrow."  
  
Alice pouted. "Oh."  
  
"You did get caught."  
  
"Did Uncle Luke punish you for gnome theft?" Alice asked.  
  
"He tried," Jess nodded. "That's what counts."  
  
Dean rolled his eyes as the Mariano's approached. "Do you even know what the word discipline means?"  
  
Jess raised an eyebrow. "Let's not, shall we?"  
  
Emma smiled at Alice, who gave her own smirk.  
  
"Wipe those looks off," Dean ordered. "This is not funny."  
  
"I'm a thirty-nine-year-old man holding a lawn gnome named Pierpont," Jess commented. "I think that qualifies as funny."  
  
Dean fumed a little. "Why are you trying to undermine my parenting skills?!"  
  
"What parenting skills?"  
  
Dean glared.  
  
The girls snickered, leaning against each other.  
  
"How about just The Gnomes?"  
  
"No... Gnome Theory."  
  
"That's pretty sweet!"  
  
The quartet turned to see the Rygalskis approach. Dave was carrying, yes, a lawn gnome, and Joey was following quickly. They seemed to be in heated discussion.  
  
"Gnome Thievery," Joey said.  
  
Dave nodded. "Not bad."  
  
"What are you guys talking about?" Emma asked as the duo walked up.  
  
"Band names using the word gnome," Dave replied.  
  
"You're not mad," Dean shook his head.  
  
Dave shrugged. "It's just a lawn gnome."  
  
Jess smirked and Dean rolled his eyes.  
  
"Wow," said a voice behind them. "This is a surprise."  
  
They turned to see Lorelai walking up to them.  
  
Alice smiled. "Hi, Grandma."  
  
"Hey, Sweets, ready for movie night tomorrow?" Lorelai smiled.  
  
"She's not going," Jess replied.  
  
Lorelai pouted. "Why not?"  
  
Jess hefted the gnome.  
  
Lorelai tilted her head at Alice. "You... stole Pierpont?"  
  
The girl shrugged.  
  
Lorelai turned to Jess. "You do realize this is all your fault."  
  
"Isn't everything? Mom?"  
  
Lorelai smiled at her son-in-law. "You call me Mom again, and Pierpont's going where the sun don't shine."  
  
He gave Alice a lop-sided grin. "She does care."  
  
Dean sighed. "Can we just go and return these?"  
  
Dave sighed. "We have to face Babette."  
  
"Old, rotten-toothed, wig-wearin' Babette," Jess nodded. He turned to Alice and placed the gnome in front of her. "You have fun with that." With that, he began to walk off.  
  
Alice stared in shock. "Hey!"  
  
Dave handed the name to Joey and smiled. "Mind her breath."  
  
Dean shook his head and set his gnome down as well. "You're on your own, Em."  
  
Lorelai laughed as the trio stared in shock.

* * *

Jess returned home from his interview that evening to find a sixteen- year-old blond boy standing at the front door. He stood behind him, arms crossed.  
  
"You're in my way."  
  
The boy turned and looked up in silence.  
  
"Rotating doesn't put you in a better position," Jess told him.  
  
"I'm looking for Alice Mariano," the boy said with a smile. "We have a date."  
  
Jess's eyebrow rose high. "You do."  
  
He nodded.  
  
"And your name is...?"  
  
"Tristin Dugrey the Second," the blond said, sticking out a hand.  
  
Jess glanced down at it, and then pushed past him to open up the door. He walked into the house and closed the door behind him.  
  
"Hey!" Rory said, walking up to greet him with a kiss.  
  
He kissed back lightly. "Hey. Ali here?"  
  
"Nope. Band practice."  
  
"Huh."  
  
"Why? What's up?"  
  
"There's a boy at the door for her," Jess replied.  
  
Rory raised an eyebrow and took a glance out the peephole. "Oh... is that Tristin's son?"  
  
Jess nodded. "I think."  
  
Rory opened the door and gave Tristin a quizzical look. "Hi."  
  
"Hi," Tristin replied. "Is Alice here?"  
  
"Uh... no, she's out right now," Rory replied. "She went to band practice."  
  
"Band practice."  
  
Rory nodded.  
  
"Okay," Tristin nodded, and turned and walked off.  
  
Rory watched him go and shrugged and closed the door. She turned to find Jess only a few inches away from her. "Why hello, there."  
  
He nodded. "Hi."  
  
She looked closely into his eyes and smiled, wrapping her arms around his neck. "What are we thinking about?"  
  
He shrugged and looked around casually. "Alice is out... we've got nothing planned for tonight... What do you think I'm thinking about?"  
  
Rory smirked. "A rousing game a scrabble?"  
  
He nodded. "Uh-huh. That was it."  
  
She giggled and kissed him again. 


	4. Here's to You, Mrs Robinson

Chapter 4: Here's to You, Mrs. Robinson  
  
"I'm telling you! It's in C!"  
  
Emma shook her head at her boyfriend. "No, Joe. It's in F."  
  
Joey played the note on his bass. "C."  
  
"That's the wrong note!" Emma cried, throwing her drumsticks up in the air.  
  
"Since when do you know anything about notes?!" Joe cried. "You're a drummer!"  
  
Alice watched them bicker, knowing it would only end up with them making out after band practice. She played a chord on her guitar, and wondered if maybe her grandmother was right. Maybe she was a third wheel.  
  
Maybe...  
  
No. No way. Not in a million years.   
  
"Am I interrupting something?"  
  
The trio turned to the entrance of the Rygalskis' garage, to see a tall blond boy standing there.  
  
Alice's eyes widened. "You...? What...?"  
  
"We have a date," Tristan reminded her. "Remember? Onion ring? Date?"  
  
"Hey... didn't you knee Onion Ring Date Guy in the nuts?" Joey asked quizzically.  
  
"Yes," Alice nodded. "Yes, I did. What are you doing here?"  
  
Tristan smirked. "Our date. It's seven."  
  
Alice screwed up her face, and glared. "Go away, Junior."  
  
"I came all this way," Tristan shrugged. "Come on. One date."  
  
"Wow, is he ever desperate," Emma muttered to Joey.  
  
Joey nodded. "Yeah, man, you're kind of pathetic."  
  
Tristan glared, and was about to say something in turn, when Alice groaned and took him by the arm, dragging him out of the garage and onto the driveway.  
  
"Get this through your head:" Alice said, sliding her guitar strap so the instrument was behind her, headstock down, flat against her back. "I do not want to date you. Ever. No movies. No onion rings. In fact, if we could just stick to the groin-kneeing thing, that would be really great."  
  
"We had a deal."  
  
"I never agreed."  
  
"We had a deal."  
  
"You're not too bright, there, are you, Junior?"  
  
"Why are you so against this?"  
  
"Because you're a jerk," Alice replied, crossing her arms. "And you blackmailed me into it. I never even said yes. I kneed you in the family jewels, for god's sake!"  
  
Tristan sighed. "Could you not bring that up again?"  
  
"If I keep bringing it up, will it make you go away?"  
  
"Why do you hate me so much, Mary?"  
  
She raised an eyebrow. "Reason one, right there. Mary."  
  
Tristan rolled his eyes.  
  
"Reason two-"She didn't get to finish. Her father's car pulled up to the curb. Alice blinked. "Dad?"  
  
"Hey," Jess replied. "Get in."  
  
Alice sighed. "Dad, I-"  
  
"Uncle Jamie got arrested again, and it was his turn with Little Frankie, since Cousin Gloria is out of town. So we have to go pick up Little Frankie at the police station."  
  
Alice stared blankly at her father. "I..."  
  
"Car."  
  
"What about Uncle Jamie?"  
  
"Gloria can bail him out when she gets back," Jess replied. "Now put the guitar in the back seat and get in the car."  
  
"Please?"  
  
Jess sighed. "Please."  
  
Alice smiled. "Yes, Daddy." She shrugged at Tristin, and loaded her guitar into the back seat. She opened up the passenger's side door, and hopped in.  
  
Tristin never got a word in before the car sped off.

* * *

"Thanks for the save."  
  
Jess smirked. "You think I was kidding? Jamie is in jail."  
  
"No, I believe you," Alice smiled. "But you didn't have to bring me along."  
  
"Frankie likes you."  
  
"You just didn't want me to be alone with Tristin," Alice snickered. "You don't like him."  
  
"He's a boy."  
  
"And boys are evil."  
  
"Good girl." Jess nodded.  
  
"What would you do if I-"  
  
"You wanna listen to some music?" Jess asked, turning on the radio.  
  
"Okay, Dad, but if I started dating-"  
  
"What do you feel like?" He went on. "I've got Bowie in the cd player, or do you wanna just... make fun of whatever's on the stations?"  
  
Alice blinked. "You're avoiding the subject."  
  
"The cd case is on the floor. I think you're stepping on it."  
  
"Dating."  
  
"Pavement?"  
  
"Dating."  
  
"Tool?"  
  
"Dating."  
  
"Uncle Luke left some Buffet in the car if you-"  
  
"DATING!" Alice cried. "Dating, dating, dating!"  
  
"Ow!" Jess flinched as he drove. "Jeez, calm down."  
  
"Dating."  
  
"You're not dating."  
  
"I almost went on a date tonight."  
  
"You did not."  
  
"I did. And If I had, I could have had a really good time," Alice smiled.  
  
"Pick music," Jess ordered.  
  
Alice snickered. "And if I had gone on my date, I could have gotten a goodnight kiss."  
  
Jess groaned.  
  
"Hey," Alice said, tilting her head. "Your hair's messy."  
  
"It is not."  
  
"It is! It's messy," Alice went on. "Were you and Mom doing something smutty when the NYPD called?"  
  
"That's it!" Jess growled. He turned the stereo up full-blast and opened all four windows.  
  
Alice snickered and sang along with the radio.

* * *

"Lost?"  
  
Tristin jumped a little and turned. "Mrs. Mariano."  
  
Rory smiled as she walked up to him on Main Street. "Hi. I'm on my way to get coffee. Wanna come?"  
  
He stared at her as if she were insane.  
  
"Come on," Rory shrugged. "Coffee. Do you like coffee? If you don't like coffee, they serve things besides coffee."  
  
"I..."  
  
"Do... you... like... coffee?"  
  
"Yes." Tristin nodded.  
  
Rory nodded. "Okay. So. Let's go."  
  
"I'm... going to get coffee with the mother of the girl who just ditched me to go pick up someone at a police station in New York."  
  
Rory snickered. "Well, I have been ditched as well... but unwillingly so."  
  
"Why are you being so nice to me?" Tristin asked, wrinkling his nose.  
  
Rory sighed, and stopped walking. She turned to him. "You tried to bribe my daughter into going on a date with you."  
  
"Therefore, you should probably be hating me."  
  
"Probably," Rory nodded. "Then, you were unceremoniously kicked in a very personal, sensitive area."  
  
"Which was very painful," Tristin nodded. "Where did she learn to kick like that?"  
  
"Various, intriguing characters. She boxes when she's got the time."  
  
"She boxes?!"  
  
"She does, indeed," Rory nodded. "So! Even though you were injured grievously, mostly in the pride area, you showed up here, heart in hand to go on a date. Most guys would have run. Away. Far, far away, but here you are."  
  
"My heart is not in my hand."  
  
Rory smiled sweetly. "You like my daughter."  
  
Tristin rolled his eyes. "I'm not having this conversation."  
  
"Coffee," Rory nodded. She took him by the arm and led him to Luke's. She walked in and sat down at a table by a window, Tristin sat across from her.  
  
Luke walked over and set a cup of coffee down in front of Rory. "Cheating on Jess?"  
  
"Always," Rory nodded. "Actually, Luke, this is Tristin."  
  
"Tristin?" Luke asked. "Groin-Guy, Tristin?"  
  
Tristin stared at Rory. "I'm Groin-Guy?"  
  
"Why'd you bring him here?" Luke asked, curiously.  
  
"Jess kidnapped Alice," Rory replied. "Jamie's in jail again, and Frankie's gonna stay with us... again."  
  
"Where's Gloria?" Luke asked.  
  
Rory sighed. "She's at a boxing tournament."  
  
"Y'know it's hard to believe that she went to Yale to become a boxing manager," Luke shook his head. He glanced at Rory. "Hey... what's that on your neck?"  
  
"Fresh hickey!" Lorelai cried, sitting next to her daughter. "You guys were having alone time when they called to pick up Frankie, weren't you?"  
  
Rory reddened. "It was scrabble."  
  
"Strip scrabble," Lorelai corrected with a snort. She turned to Tristin. "What's Groin-Guy doing here?"  
  
"He was here to take Alice on a date, but Jess used Jamie's arrest as a convenient excuse to pull her away," Rory replied. "He really likes her."  
  
Lorelai pouted. "Oh, how cute. If you hurt my granddaughter in any way, I'll flay you alive, and let Luke use your meat for hamburgers."  
  
Luke wrinkled his nose. "How are we even still together?"  
  
"You love me," Lorelai stated, stealing Rory's coffee and taking a sip.  
  
"Hey!" Rory cried.  
  
"What do you guys want to eat?"  
  
"Burger, chili fries, onion rings, more coffee," Rory and Lorelai replied in unison.  
  
Tristin blinked. "Wow."  
  
Luke sighed. "You're both going to die."  
  
"But we'll die happy," Rory smiled.  
  
"And pretty," Lorelai added.  
  
Luke shook his head and turned to Tristin. "What do you want, Groin- Guy?"  
  
Tristin rolled his eyes. "Same. Coke instead of coffee, please."  
  
"Another dead man walking," Luke muttered.

* * *

Franklin Jess Mariano always had fun playing with the handcuffs at the police station.  
  
He was there often enough.  
  
His six-year-old hands were far too small to fit into the cuffs, but they sure were fun. He wondered what it would be like to be a policeman one day. Maybe he'd be able to find out.  
  
"Frankie!"  
  
He looked up and smiled. "Uncle Jess! Ali!"  
  
Alice smiled and lifted her cousin off of the bench. "Hey. Nice cuffs."  
  
"Can I arrest you?" Frankie asked smiling.  
  
Alice smiled back. "Maybe when we get home."  
  
Frankie looked up at Jess. "What about my dad?"  
  
Jess sighed. "Do you know what he did this time?"  
  
Frankie shook his head and then rested it on Alice's shoulder, his shaggy blond hair falling in his eyes.  
  
Jess nodded, and glanced at a rather large man, with too many tattoos and no hair being led in by a few officers. "Why don't you guys wait here, while I'll go see what's up?"  
  
Alice nodded. "Okay, Dad."  
  
Frankie nodded, too. "Okay, Uncle Jess."  
  
"Okay," Jess nodded. He kissed the top of Alice's head, and then pushed some hair out of Frankie's eyes. "Don't stare at anybody."  
  
Alice nodded, and turned and walked back to the bench with Frankie still in her arms, holding his handcuffs. He was accumulating quite a collection of those.  
  
Jess watched them, and then went up to the front desk. "Hi. I'm looking for Jamie Delano? He was arrested, and I'm here to see if he deserves bail money or not."  
  
The officer at the desk nodded and got up to lead him to Jamie.

* * *

Luke looked up when the bell on the diner door rang yet again. "Mike."  
  
Rory turned and blinked. "Mike?"  
  
Lorelai smirked and sipped her coffee. "Look who's back."  
  
Tristin looked confused.  
  
Mike made his way to the counter and stop opposite Luke. "Three cheeseburgers and three orders of fries, please."  
  
Luke nodded. "Sure... so... you're back."  
  
"Nothing gets by you." Mike muttered.  
  
"Visiting?" Luke asked.  
  
Mike glared. It was highly likely that the whole town already knew he was back for good.  
  
Luke sighed and walked back to the kitchen.  
  
Mike turned around and took in the diner. He hadn't been there in a year. He ran a hand through his hair and stared at Rory and Lorelai.  
  
Rory smiled a little and waved. Lorelai waved as well.  
  
"Is it just me or does he look like Jess?" Lorelai whispered.  
  
Rory rolled her eyes. "He does not look like Jess. He looks like Dean."  
  
Lorelai tilted her head. "I don't know... the leather jacket... the sneer..."  
  
"He's Dean's, Mom."  
  
"Not according to Miss Patty."  
  
Rory rolled her eyes. "That was two years ago, and it was all cleared up within a week. Mike is Dean's. Not Jess's."  
  
Tristin listened with interest. Not even the gossip his socialite mother dished out was this good.  
  
Mike rolled his eyes at the women. "You two hens can stop talking about me now."  
  
Luke rushed out from the kitchen and handed him a to-go bag. "Here ya go."  
  
Mike nodded and pulled out his wallet, paying for the food. "Thanks." He grabbed the to-go bag and rushed out without looking back.

* * *

Rory walked into the house that evening to find Jess lying on the living room floor.  
  
"Why are you on the floor?!"  
  
"Alice."  
  
"Alice?"  
  
"Alice."  
  
He pulled her down by the hand and she cuddled up next to him.  
  
"Alice got angry, turned into The Incredible Hulk and beat you up?"  
  
"The Chilton choral teacher called," Jess told her. "They have an open alto spot for her in the madrigals group."  
  
Rory smiled. "Yeah?"  
  
Jess nodded. "Yeah... so, she heard... she screamed... she jumped up and down... and then she jumped on me."  
  
"And you landed on the floor."  
  
"That I did."  
  
"And... you're lying on the floor."  
  
"I am."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Comfortable."  
  
"Ah. Lazy?"  
  
"Very."  
  
"Frankie here?"  
  
Jess nodded. "Frankie is upstairs with Alice."  
  
"Okay... what did Jamie do this time?"  
  
Jess rolled his eyes. "I'm not at liberty to say... he made me promise... just know that it's embarrassing as all hell."  
  
Rory sighed. "This is comfy. How did you find this spot?"  
  
"Pure talent."  
  
"Ah."  
  
"So what did you wind up doing tonight?"  
  
"I went to dinner with Tristin."  
  
Jess crinkled his brow at her. "Tristin?"  
  
"Junior."  
  
"Here's to you, Mrs. Robinson. Why?"  
  
"He looked so lost after you kidnapped Alice," Rory explained. "I felt bad."  
  
"You're way too nice," Jess shook his head.  
  
"Oh! And your son showed up at the diner."  
  
"I don't have a son," Jess replied, raising an eyebrow.  
  
"Mike."  
  
Jess rolled his eyes. "He's not my kid. We've been over this."  
  
She laughed and kissed him. "I'm teasing... I wonder what's going on with him... I wonder how Dean and Lindsay are taking it."  
  
Jess shrugged, just as Frankie came running down the stairs and into the living room with a bath towel hooked around his neck as a cape. "I'm Super Guy!" He cried, and then ran off.  
  
"He's going to start jumping off of things again, isn't he?" Rory asked.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
They sat in silence again.  
  
"I don't wanna move," Rory moaned.  
  
"Me neither."  
  
They looked at each other in more silence, and then, in unison gave a shout.  
  
"ALICE!"

* * *

They were sitting awkwardly at the kitchen table when Emma walked in from her post-band practice date with Joey.  
  
"Hey," she said perkily as she pulled up a chair in-between her mother and brother.  
  
Dean gave an expectant look. "Where have you been?"  
  
"Band practice," she replied, reaching over and grabbing a carrot from the bowl that sat with the rest of their dinner.  
  
"You're grounded," Dean reminded her.  
  
"You said I could have band practice!"  
  
"I did?" Dean looked to Lindsay in confusion. "I did?"  
  
"Can we please have a nice, pleasant dinner?" Lindsay asked in an annoyed voice.  
  
Emma and Dean sighed in unison, and glanced at each other. They both smirked, and Emma rolled her eyes playfully.  
  
Mike shook his head and ate his sandwich. 


	5. Don't Make Me Get the Hose

A/N: Ari rules. She read this four times looking for errors, and she sent it to both my email addies. Proof of rule-ness right there.

**Welcome to Wonderland Ch. 5:** _Don't Make Me Get the Hose_  
  
"We're heading out," Rory announced as she exited the house with Jess behind her. "Be good."  
  
Alice smirked at her mother from the front lawn, where she was kneeling with a tennis ball in her hands. "Okay, Mom."  
  
Not ten feet away stood Frankie, with a small, novelty baseball bat in his hands, ready to swing. He was wearing one of Luke's very old baseball caps.  
  
Jess shook his head. "If you break a window, run like hell," he told them.  
  
Rory nudged him playfully. "We'll be at Grandma's. If you need anything, call."  
  
"Or cross the street," Jess added.  
  
Rory rolled her eyes and took Jess's hand. "Stay out of trouble, Alice."  
  
Alice looked up. "Are you implying that I, your wonderful daughter, would get into trouble?"  
  
"If you call kicking someone in the groin and stealing gnomes trouble, then yes," Rory nodded. "Bye, guys."  
  
"Bye!" Frankie waved.  
  
When they walked off, Alice turned to Frankie with the tennis ball.  
  
"Okay, ready?"  
  
Frankie nodded and got into a batting stance. It looked silly, being that he was only four, but cute silly.  
  
Alice pitched the ball under-handed, and Frankie swung and missed.  
  
"I'll get it next time!" Frankie said confidently as he ran and got the ball for her.  
  
Alice smiled. "Of course you will." She took the ball from him. "Okay, are you ready?"  
  
Frankie nodded and got back into place, readying his bat.  
  
Alice threw the ball lightly, and Frankie hit it. It rolled out into the street.  
  
"I HIT IT!" Frankie yelled excitedly. Then he became a little confused. "What do I do now?"  
  
Alice laughed. "Run!"  
  
"Run where?"  
  
Alice mentally kicked herself. They hadn't set up any bases. "Uh... run around me!"  
  
That was exactly what Frankie did. He dropped his bat and ran around Alice.  
  
Alice sighed and sat on the grass. 'This should keep him busy for the next few minutes,' she thought. She pulled a book from out of her back pocket and started reading.  
  
"You really are a strange girl."  
  
She looked up and rolled her eyes. "Jeez, what are you? Some kinda stalker?"  
  
Tristin shrugged and walked over to her from the nice car he'd emerged from. "You owe me a date."  
  
"Go to hell," Alice snapped. She grabbed Frankie to stop him from running.  
  
Tristin looked around. "I'd say I'm already in hell... how do you stand it here? It's so small."  
  
"You'd know about small, wouldn't you, Junior?"  
  
Tristin rolled his eyes. "One date."  
  
"No."  
  
"One meal."  
  
"No."  
  
"One cookie."  
  
Alice raised an eyebrow. "Cookie? What happened to the onion rings?"  
  
"Come on," Tristin sighed, exasperated. "I came all this way... again. You owe me."  
  
She shrugged and got to her feet, lifting Frankie into her arms. "Junior, this is Frankie. Frankie, this is Junior, but you can call him Groin Guy."  
  
Tristin rolled his eyes.  
  
"Hi, Groin Guy," Frankie said with a wave.  
  
"Hi, Frankie," Tristin muttered.

* * *

Lorelai smiled as she opened the front door. "Children!"  
  
Rory smiled and kissed her mother on the cheek. "Hi, Mom."  
  
"Hey, Sweets," Lorelai replied. She looked past her daughter and smiled. "Hi, Jess."  
  
He nodded. "Luke here yet?"  
  
"Kitchen," Lorelai nodded. "Come on in."  
  
The couple walked past her, Jess heading for the kitchen.  
  
"So he really made Ali stay home?" Lorelai asked.  
  
Rory sighed. "She got caught."  
  
"He's mean."  
  
"He's right," Rory laughed a little. "She got caught... it's only one movie night at home."  
  
Lorelai sighed and pouted. "Fine."

* * *

Tristin sat in the Marianos' living room, waiting for Alice to come back from putting Frankie to bed. He glanced around and noted that the space was cluttered. The large television was surrounded by videos and DVD's.  
  
He got off of the couch to check them out. Sitting on top of the piles were Almost Famous, Ten Things I Hate About You, and The Graduate. He lifted up the three top movies to reveal High Fidelity, Sid and Nancy, and Moulin Rouge. He shrugged and put the movies down. He hadn't seen any of them.  
  
She suddenly walked into the room carrying a cookie. She handed it to him.  
  
He blinked. "What's this?"  
  
"Your cookie," he replied. "Eat it and get out."  
  
He sighed. "I don't want the cookie anymore."  
  
"Yes," Alice urged. "Yes, you do. Take the cookie."  
  
"Nope."  
  
She rolled her eyes. "What do you want?"  
  
"Movie."  
  
"Movie?"  
  
Tristin nodded. "Movie."  
  
"Take a movie and leave," Alice replied, taking him by the shoulders and pushing him over to the stack of DVDs.  
  
"I want to watch one here with you," Tristin told her simply.  
  
"Nope."  
  
"Yes."  
  
Alice groaned. "Get out of my house!"  
  
"One movie. Then I'll leave."  
  
Alice sighed, defeated.

* * *

"Mama made me bring tofu," Lane said, looking depressed.  
  
Dave smirked. "We went and visited this afternoon."  
  
Rory walked over and hugged Lane, while Lorelai took the platter of tofu squares from her.  
  
"Didn't go too well?" Rory asked.  
  
"I brought tofu," Lane snapped. "How do you think it went?"  
  
"God, I'm glad that woman isn't my mother-in-law," Jess muttered.  
  
Dave gave him a brilliant smile. "So...how are them Friday night dinners going, Mariano?"  
  
Jess smirked. "Better than your Sunday night ones, Rygalski."  
  
Joey smirked when he walked in and saw Emma sitting on the couch with her brother. He casually walked over and plopped down next to his girlfriend. "Hey."  
  
Emma smiled and leaned in to give him a short kiss. "Hi."  
  
Mike glared at them.  
  
Joey cleared his throat nervously. "Hey, Mike."  
  
Mike glared harder. "Joe."  
  
Joey laughed nervously. "How 'bout them Yankees, huh?"  
  
"I'm a Cubs fan," Mike growled.  
  
"I need the restroom," Joey said quickly, getting to his feet and running.  
  
Dean smirked at his son from his spot on the floor. "Good boy."  
  
"Bite me," Mike muttered.  
  
"My son, ladies and gentlemen," Dean muttered to himself.  
  
Lindsay walked around with a bowl of chips and sat next to Dean. "Behave, you two."  
  
"Okay," Lorelai said, plopping down on the couch. "What are we watching?"  
  
"I vote Apocalypse Now," Dean said.  
  
"This is Spinal Tap!" Dave cried.  
  
"Good Will Hunting," Jess and Rory chorused.  
  
"You all lose," Luke told them. "We're watching Indiana Jones."  
  
A collective groan arose from a part of the room.

* * *

"This is so lame."  
  
"It is not! It's romantic," Alice argued.  
  
Tristin blinked at her. "Romantic? So... this is a date."  
  
"Nope."  
  
"It's a date."  
  
"No, it isn't."  
  
"We're watching Ewan McGregor throw himself at Nicole whats-her-face-"  
  
"Kidman."  
  
"Whatever!" Tristin cried. "This is a date."  
  
"Are you hungry?" Alice asked. "I'm hungry."  
  
She started to get up, but he pulled her back down and into a kiss. She pulled away and slugged him in the face.  
  
"AH!" He put a hand to his right eye. "Dammit! Why did you do that?!"  
  
"Reflex! You got in my personal space!"  
  
They sat in silence for a moment.  
  
"Was..." Tristin sighed. "Was it a good kiss?"  
  
Alice shrugged uneasily, avoiding his eyes. "I don't know... I've never been kissed before."  
  
More silence.  
  
He glanced at her. "If I kiss you again, will you hit me again?"  
  
She merely stared at him.

* * *

Jess had gone on ahead, while Lorelai and Rory had their infamous mother/daughter time. He didn't mind. He never minded quiet walks. Quiet was fairly rare in his life these days. Alice and Rory made sure of that. He missed quiet sometimes, but he wouldn't trade what he had for all the silence in the world.  
  
When he reached the house, his calm was instantly broken by the sight before him.  
  
His daughter. His sweet, little girl, apple of his eye, sunshine of his life.  
  
Kissing a boy.  
  
The kiss looked innocent enough. Alice knew nothing about the art of lip-locking.  
  
Yet.  
  
All of the sudden a rush of very frightening ideas attacked Jess.  
  
Buying a shotgun.  
  
Having "the talk" with his daughter.  
  
Lecturing on... condom use... and... the pill...  
  
His eye twitched and a force like no other propelled him toward the side of the house.

* * *

Tristin gave Alice a grin as they pulled apart.  
  
She blinked. "Uhm..."  
  
Before she could say another word, he leaned in and kissed her again.  
  
And just as the kiss became a little more serious, they were hit with a blast of ice-cold water.  
  
They pulled apart quickly and Alice turned to her father, who was holding the garden hose.  
  
"Dad!" Alice yelled. "What the hell are you doing?!"  
  
"My job."  
  
Rory approached them quickly from the sidewalk. "Did I miss something?"  
  
"Dad's an asshole!" Alice cried. With that, she rushed into the house and slammed the door.  
  
Jess sprayed Tristin again. "Go home."  
  
Tristin rolled his eyes and walked off to his car.  
  
Rory turned to Jess. "Explain."  
  
"They were kissing."  
  
"Ah... huh," Rory nodded. "And you..."  
  
"Sprayed them with the hose," Jess replied.  
  
They stood staring at each other for a long moment, until Rory wrestled the hose away from him and let him have it.

* * *

Alice almost didn't hear the knock on the door over her guitar playing. She'd turned her amplifier up quite a bit, trying to work off her anger.  
  
She sighed as she put her instrument down and swung open the door. She rolled her eyes and went to close it, but Jess stopped her.  
  
"Sorry."  
  
"You're a jerk," she snapped.  
  
"Born and bred," Jess replied. "Can I come in?"  
  
"You're wet."  
  
"So're you."  
  
She let him in.  
  
"You're mom hosed me down," he told her.  
  
"Well-deserved," Alice nodded.  
  
Jess sighed. "I don't like Tristin."  
  
"Don't care."  
  
"Kinda figured," he replied. "I won't... do that again... or anything equivalent to it."  
  
His daughter gave him a wary look. "Promise?"  
  
He nodded. "Promise."  
  
"Then you're forgiven."  
  
They stood in silence as Alice began to pick up her guitar again.  
  
"Uh... Ali... do uh... we need to talk?"  
  
"We are talking," she reminded him.  
  
He shuffled his feet. "I mean... about..."  
  
Alice stared at him. "Mom and I had the sex talk when I got my period, Dad."  
  
Jess set his jaw and nodded slowly. He silently thanked whatever entity had taken merciful pity on him.

* * *

"...So I come home, and Alice and Tristin are drenched and Jess is holding the hose!"  
  
Lorelai laughed a little. "You're kidding."  
  
Rory shook her head as she held the phone to her ear. "No! It turned out Jess saw them kissing and spritzed them!"  
  
Lorelai cracked into full laughter. "Oh my god! It's like that time when Dean broke up with you, and Luke put him in a headlock!"  
  
Rory snickered. "I remember that. I was so heartbroken." Her face wrinkled. "If Groin Guy dumps Alice, I'll gouge his eyes out a la Kill Bill."  
  
"The true colors of a mother," Lorelai said sentimentally. "I'm so proud."  
  
Rory laughed. 


	6. Bitches and Altos

Lydia's Hardcore... as is Christie

**Welcome to Wonderland Chapter 6: Bitches and Altos**

"Really?!"

Alice blushed a little and nodded.

Emma laughed. "Somebody's got a boyfriend."

"It was only a few kisses," Alice replied. "And a movie."

"Well, what do you call it?" Emma asked.

"In the midst of defining a relationship," Alice replied matter-of-factly. She looked at her watch. "Gotta go."

"Bye!" Emma smiled.

"Bye, Em," Alice nodded back, getting up from their table in the diner. She walked over to the counter and kissed her mother on the cheek. "Bye."

"Bye," Rory repeated. "Your dad had to leave early, but he's gonna pick you up after chorus to take Frankie home."

Alice nodded. "Okay. Bye, Luke!"

"You got lunch?!" Luke called from the kitchen.

"Uh... I thought I'd buy-"

She didn't get to finish. A brown paper bag flew from the kitchen door and she caught it more out of surprise than anything else. "Thanks, Uncle Luke!"

"Have a good day!" Luke yelled.

She was about to go when her mother took her arm gently.

"Mom?"

Rory smiled. "My baby: Dugreys are notorious for being devious liars and spreading rumors. If Little Tristin Junior smudges your image in the least, I give you permission to make him cry for his mommy."

Alice smirked and hugged her.

* * *

"Hey, Madison."

She smiled as the brunette sat down. "How was your weekend?"

Alice nodded. "Strange, but alright. Yours?"

"Oh... quiet... my mom is away till Thursday," Madison replied.

"Party?" Alice asked with a smirk.

"Too lazy," Madison joked. "The house would never be picked up afterward and then where would I be?"

"Up Shit Creek without a paddle," the other girl supplied.

Madison laughed a little. "Hey can I asked you something?"

"Oh... sure," Alice replied, starting to get a little nervous. She really didn't want it to get out that she'd been sucking face with Tristin Dugrey Jr.

"Is it true that you got into choir?"

She breathed out a sigh of relief. "Yeah, I'm the new alto. Why, are you in it, too?"

"No!" Madison said abruptly. "I can't sing... It's just that..." she looked around the hallway a little as she loaded her locker. "Some of the girls are a little... they don't like new girls."

Alice snickered. "Sopranos, mostly. They're stuck up. We had tons of them at Stars Hollow High."

"Kayla's one of the section leaders."

"Kayla?" Alice scoffed. "Twiggy Kayla?"

Madison nodded.

"Please. I'm not afraid of her."

"Don't get in her way," Madison warned. "She's really evil."

Alice smirked. "Kelly Presby."

Madison gave her a confused look. "Huh?"

Alice just kept smirking.

* * *

"Hey, Kelly!"

Kelly Presby whirled around, her perfectly bleached locks whirling with her. She wore her immaculately pressed cheerleader uniform. She glared when she spotted Emma Forrester (in an equally neat cheerleader outfit), Joey Rygalski, and Janis Callahan.

"What do you rejects want?" Kelly snapped.

"We worked up a cheer for you over the weekend," Emma smiled proudly. "Ready?!"

"Ready!" Her friends chorused.

"Gimme a B!"

"B!"

"Gimme an I!"

"I!"

"Gimme a T!"

"T!"

"Gimme a C!"

"C!"

"Gimme an H!"

"H!"

"What does that spell?!"

* * *

"Bitch!"

Alice turned with an eyebrow raised. "Scuse me?" she asked. "Baking powder?"

Kayla glared. "You heard me."

"So... what did I do to deserve the insult?" Alice asked.

"You weaseled your way into the choir."

Alice snorted. "Suck my cl-"

"There a problem, ladies?"

They both looked up. "No, Mr. Medina," they muttered.

He nodded. "Good. Ms. Mariano, you have my class next. Come with me," he said, ushering her down the hall. "Please watch your language."

"It's not a bad word," Alice remarked. "It's a part of the female anatomy."

"It can be used in a derogatory way," Max lectured. "I know you know this because you were about to use it as such."

Alice grinned. "If it makes you feel any better, she deserved it. She called me a bitch."

"Ms. Mariano..."

"She did."

"Classroom... now, please."

She shrugged. "Sure thing, Teach."

Max sighed and followed her into the room.

Alice slumped down into the only empty desk left.

"Hey."

She glanced next to her. "Hi..."

They sat in silence.

"Sorry about last night," she muttered nervously. "My dad's kind of a mental case sometimes... all the time..."

Tristin smirked a little. "He hates me?"

"Hate's a little strong," Alice replied. "I'd say psychotically dislikes."

"And that's different from Hate, how...?"

She smiled. "If he hated you he would have strangled you with the garden hose instead of merely spraying you with it."

Tristin smiled and so did she.

"So... do you want to... go on a real date?" he asked.

She smiled. "Okay."

A voice cleared its throat from the front of the room and Alice looked up at their teacher.

Max raised an eyebrow. "Something to share with the whole class?"

Alice grinned. "Tristin was just telling me about his fear of toenails."

Max blinked. "Please save your phobia discussion for after class."

Tristin nodded. "Yes, sir."

Alice saluted.

Max sighed.

* * *

"You're home early!"

Rory blinked as she walked into the kitchen. Her husband was standing by the sink with a glass of water. He looked a little surprised. "Yeah... I am... so are you..."

He shrugged. "I had something to take care of."

"Which would be...?"

"Dentist appointment," Jess replied matter-of-factly.

"You have minty-fresh teeth?!" Rory asked excitedly.

He nodded slowly. "I do, indeed."

Rory smiled widely and pulled him into a kiss. "Oh, you do. That just made my day."

"Yeah?" Jess smirked.

She nodded. "Oh, yeah."

* * *

She walked into the choral room with some of the other kids and sat down on the far left riser. She looked across to the far right riser, where a group of prissy-looking girls were huddled, whispering and staring at her. In the middle of the small group was Kayla.

She sighed and glanced to the next group over from the girls, where a bunch of bored-looking boys were seated.

One of them was Tristin.

She smiled at him and he gave her a smirk and walked over.

"You sing?" he asked.

She nodded. "I do."

"I didn't know."

"You don't know much about me," Alice pointed out lightly.

"Good point," Tristin agreed. 'Friday good for a date?"

"Nope."

"No?"

Alice shook her head. "Friday night dinner with my family."

"Huh?"

"We go to my great-grandparents' house every Friday for dinner."

"Oh," Tristin said shortly. "Saturday?"

"Maybe... I'm might go up to New York that day..."

"Sunday?"

Alice sighed. "Sunday's movie night."

"What?"

"It used to be poker night, but Dad kept cheating, so we changed it to movies. Sometimes we play poker, but Dad's not allowed to shuffle anymore."

Tristin shook his head. "Your family's kinda strange."

She smirked. "Thanks."

He sighed. "Tentative plans for Saturday night?"

Alice nodded. "Sounds good."

"Tristin!"

He turned. "Kayla..."

She smiled brilliantly. "Hi!"

"Hi, Kayla," Alice said easily.

The blonde's smile was pure poison. "Mary..."

Tristin sighed. "Did you want something?"

"Just to say hello."

"Done now, Twiggy?" Alice asked.

Kayla glared. "Sure..." She smiled at Tristin and walked off.

"What's her problem?" Alice asked, leaning back on the riser.

Charlie abruptly sat down next to Alice. "They used to date."

Alice smirked up at Tristin, raising an eyebrow. "Did they?"

"Yup," Charlie nodded. "Seven months until he caught her sucking face with Brett Connelly. He dumped her. Rumor has it she never got over him."

Tristin rolled his eyes. "Thanks, Charlie."

The redhead smiled. "Anytime."

"You and Twiggy," Alice snickered.

"Not anymore," Tristin snapped. "And you're not exactly meaty yourself, Mariano."

"Yet I succeed in not looking as if I have an eating disorder," She pointed out. "I win."

Charlie laughed a little. "Tristin dating a smart girl for a change."

Alice blushed. "We're not dating... I mean... we may in the future... out first day isn't until Saturday!"

Both boys stared at her oddly.

"Alright!" a voice boomed. "Dugrey, Ellington, sections! McNeil, spit the gum out! Chandler, shoes on, and... everybody shut up! I'm talking, here!"

The man behind the voice was short, stout and bald, with glasses. His eyes landed on Alice. "New girl. Mariano?"

She nodded and got to her feet.

"Thank god you know where the hell an alto section is located," he said. "Alto one or two?"

"One," she replied.

He nodded. "Middle row."

She obeyed and stepped up onto the second riser, accidentally nudging the girl next to her. "Sorry."

The girls smirked. "No problem. I'm Stephanie."

Alice smirked. "Hi."

"Elise," a girl from one of the risers above her said.

"Hey, you guys. I'm Alice."

"We know," said another girl. "I'm Sami-Joe."

"Hi, I'm Aza," another whispered.

Alice smiled. "Hi."

"I see you're on the soprano hit list," Stephanie remarked.

"Looks like it," Alice muttered. "Kayla's their ring leader?"

Elise nodded. "And the rest are her evil henchmen. Elizabeth, Lydia, Christie and Arianna."

"Don't worry," Aza reassured. "We're all pretty much on their hit list."

"Have you ever been in chorus before?" Sami-Joe asked.

Alice nodded. "Yeah, but it was never this... violent."

"Welcome to Chilton Madrigals," Elise snorted.

Alice sighed and prepared for the warm-ups.

* * *

"I'll see you tomorrow." Tristin smiled as they walked out to the front of the school.

She nodded. "You will."

He leaned in and kissed her before walking off to his car.

She sighed and walked down the steps, stopping to take off her shoes. Their teacher hadn't even introduced himself. Everyone had called him Mr. E, and he'd spent two hours warming their voices and giving them sheet music to sight read. Not that she was complaining. She needed to get back into practice.

"Hey, Mary!"

Alice rolled her eyes and spun around. "Twiggy and friends."

Kayla stood tall with her group behind her. They were glaring.

"We don't want you in our choir," Lydia snarled.

"Oh, yeah?" Alice asked with a laugh. "Why's that?"

Elizabeth snorted. "Because you're a loser who can't sing."

Alice was about to retort, when Jess's car pulled up and came to an abrupt stop. The windows were rolled down, and he was blaring Golden Years loudly. He glanced out at her from behind his sunglasses. "You ready?"

She smirked and walked over to the car, throwing her backpack into the back seat, where Frankie was sitting. She glanced back at the group of girls and her smirk widened. She hopped into the passenger's seat, and Jess drove off as fast as he could.

The girls watched them go.

Christie stared in half-shock. "That guy was so hot."


	7. Kangaroos and Georgia Peaches, Too!

Thanks to Ari for the beta!!

**Welcome to Wonderland Chapter 7: Kangaroos and Georgia Peaches Too! **

Alice straightened out her skirt as she stood on her great-grandparents' doorstep.

She hated nights like these.

She glanced behind her and watched her Uncle Luke's truck drive off. He and Lorelai had officially been excused from Friday dinner on account of their anniversary. Alice's father wasn't feeling well, and her mother had a conference dinner in Manhattan.

Alice was officially on her own.

The door opened and a woman she didn't recognized stood before her.

Alice blinked. "Uhmâ€hi"

The woman smiled. "Alice?"

She nodded uneasily. "Yeah."

"I'm Deirdre. Come in."

Alice nodded and stepped in. "So you're the new maid."

Deirdre nodded. "I am."

"Good luck with that." She wandered into the foyer and stopped in the doorway.

Sitting on one of the couches was a tall blond, who was much older than her.

Alice rolled her eyes and contemplated calling her uncle to come back for her.

"Alice!"

Too late.

She forced out a smile. "Hi."

Emily got up and gave her a hug. "Come in. Don't be shy."

Alice nodded and sat across from the blond.

Emily situated herself between the two. "Say, hello, Alice."

"Hello, Alice."

Emily cleared her throat.

Alice rolled her eyes. "Georgia."

Georgia Hayden surveyed her half-niece. "Alice."

Emily tried to smile. "Well, isn't this nice."

"Like a lobotomy," Alice smirked.

Georgia glared at her. "Ha, ha."

"Ten bucks says you don't know what a lobotomy is," Alice taunted.

"Who would like something to drink?" Emily asked. "Gigi?"

"Did you know that Miss Piggy called her poodle Gigi?" Alice asked. "Or was that Foo-Foo?"

"You're such a bitch!" Georgia snarled.

"Georgia!" Emily cried.

"Yeah? Well at least I'm not dumb, too," Alice smiled.

"Must the two of you always do this?!" Emily yelled.

"She started it," they said in unison.

Emily groaned. "Alice, go upstairs and find out why your grandfather is taking so long."

"Intelligent conversation!" Alice cried. "I'm so pleased!" She snickered as she hopped up and rushed for the stairs.

Georgia glared after her and shook her head.

* * *

"Grandpa?"

"In the bedroom!" he called.

Alice opened the door and peeked in. "Hi."

"Ah, Alice, come in." Richard got up from his plush chair, book in hand.

She smiled. "What are you reading?"

He sighed. "Pickwick Papers."

"Oh, I love that one," Alice said, taking the book and looking it over.

"I know," Richard chuckled. "I read it to you, remember?"

She nodded.

"Did you say hello to Georgia?" Richard asked.

She gave another nod.

"Did you insult her in the process?"

Alice grinned and nodded once more.

"Now, now," Richard scolded lightly. "What have we said about the treatment of those we're smarter than?"

"They're people, too," Alice muttered guiltily.

"Very good." He straightened his suit out and sighed. "Now, I assume it's dinner time?"

"Just about."

"Well then." He offered her an arm. "Shall we?"

Alice smirked and took it, setting the book down.

"How are your studies coming along?" Richard asked.

"Fine," Alice shrugged. "It's the socializing that's been more of a challenge."

"Oh?"

"Well... there's this boy, and... we've started... dating... or... we're going to... It's weird and confusing and kind of stupid..."

Richard gave a solemn nod. "And who is this young man?"

"Tristin Dugrey Junior."

"Ah... He comes from a very successful family."

"Huh."

He glanced down at his great-granddaughter. "You like this boy?"

She nodded, a little embarrassed. "Yeah."

"Well," Richard replied uneasily. "Just be wary."

"I will."

"I talked to your mother," Richard said, changing the subject quickly. "She tells me you're in the Chilton choir now?"

Alice nodded. "I am"

"Well, you must be making some friends there, yes?"

She shrugged. "Kind of... the sopranos don't really like me."

"Well, you're an alto. You shouldn't worry about them," Richard smiled. "You know, your great-grandmother has the most exquisite singing voice."

Alice smiled back. "Yeah?"

"Oh, yes. You certainly don't get your talent from your parents or grandparents."

Alice snickered. "Grandpa Chris still claims he can play a mean guitar."

Richard rolled his eyes. "Oh, hogwash."

Alice laughed a little as they entered the dining room.

"My goodness, you two are slow," Emily complained. "What took you?"

"We were merely having a conversation," Richard replied as he sat down. "I apologize."

"Hi, Richard," Georgia smiled.

"Gigi," He acknowledged.

Alice snorted loudly.

"Oh for god's sake!" Emily cried. "This is what happens when there's no one here to discipline her."

Alice cleared her throat. "I'm sorry, Grandma... it's bad enough she's named after a state, but... the nickname..."

"Alice..." Richard warned.

"At least I'm not named for some stupid book," Georgia snarled.

"Ah, but it's a stupid book that millions of people have read," Alice pointed out.

"Stroke that ego, why don't you?" Georgia remarked snidely.

Alice smirked. "I think I will. It's better than stroking-"

Emily threw doing her fork loudly onto her plate. "I'm calling Jess."

* * *

Jess groaned when the phone rang. He sat up slowly on the couch and looked around.

No phone.

"Shit..."

RING!

He growled a little and pulled the phone out from under the couch cushion. "Hello?"

"Finally! Jess, Alice is being impossible!" Emily stated, obviously annoyed.

"Huh."

"Talk to her," Emily ordered. "She won't leave Georgia alone."

"I really don't care."

"You should care! She is being a menace!"

Jess sighed and sat back. "Georgia is almost 21 years old. Alice is 15..."

"Just talk to her," Emily snapped.

"Fine." Jess waited until the phone was picked up again.

"Hi, Dad."

"Alice, are you impersonating the goddess of chaos again?"

"Maybe a little."

"I don't feel well," Jess told her. "Emily woke me up out of a dead sleep; because of you."

"Sorry," she said guiltily.

Jess sighed. "Just... wait until Emily leaves the room, and then tag team Poodle Girl with Richard, okay?"

Alice snickered. "Yes, Sir."

"Okay. I'm..."

* * *

Alice blinked and leaned against the kitchen counter. "Dad? You okay?"

"Yeah," he replied. His voice was slightly strained. "I'm okay. I gotta go."

"Okay. I love you."

"Me, too. See you later."

Alice hung up the phone and shook her head a little, before walking back out into the dining room.

* * *

Jess lay back onto the couch and sighed, closing his eyes. He was drifting off to sleep just as the door opened. He thought about opening his eyes, but then decided against it. He heard shoes being kicked off against the wall, and the sound of feet padding over to him.

"Jess," Rory whispered.

"Hmmm."

"Are you feeling better?"

He opened an eye slightly. "Not really..."

Rory pouted a little. "I'm sorry."

"Not your fault," he muttered.

She hopped onto the couch and squeezed in to lie next to him.

He groaned and wrapped an arm around her. "What're you doing?"

Rory curled up into him and sighed. "Being cute."

Jess rolled his eyes. "How was the dinner?"

"Boring," she replied. "I wish you guys had been there to make weird comments."

"Next time," Jess replied sleepily.

Rory sat up and gave him a glance. "Are you sure you're gonna be okay? You don't need the hospital or anything, do you?"

"I don't need the hospital," he reassured her. "I'm gonna be fine."

She nodded and lay back down against him. "Okay."

He wrapped his arms around her tightly and mumbled what sounded something like "love" in her ear.

She smiled.

* * *

"Okay. I spy with my little eyeâ€ something that starts with K."

Luke rolled his eyes as they walked through Stars Hollow. "Do we have to do this?"

"Come on," Lorelai prodded. "Please?"

He sighed. "A kangaroo?"

Lorelai wrinkled her nose. "There are no kangaroos in Stars Hollow."

"You never know," Luke replied. "Kirk's been picking up some strange pets for Kira."

"Did someone call me my name?"

Lorelai smiled as Kirk walked up. "That's it!"

Luke squinted at his girlfriend. "What?"

"Kirk was what starts with K!"

Kirk nodded. "I do. Why are you talking about me?"

"We were playing I spy," Lorelai replied.

"You were spying on me?!" Kirk asked, shocked.

"No, Kirk, it's a game," Luke reassured him. "We're not spying on you."

"Oh... well... good," Kirk nodded. "I'd hate to have to call the cops on you... or Taylor."

Luke rolled his eyes.

"Oh! Oh!" Lorelai cried excitedly. "I spy with my little eye something that starts with A!"

Luke rolled his eyes. "Jeez"

Alice blinked as she walked up to them. "Hi."

"Hey, Babe," Lorelai replied, hugging her granddaughter. "How was dinner?"

"Fine," she replied. "Grandpa Richard and I talked books, and I insulted Georgia. A lot."

"Georgia was there?" Lorelai asked. "And you were allowed over there without supervision?"

Alice shrugged. "I guess they hoped I'd behave."

"No such luck, huh?" Luke asked.

The teen shook her head with a smirk. "Not a chance in hell."

"Come on, you," Luke snapped lightly, putting an arm around her. "Help close."

Alice sighed over-dramatically. "If I must."

Lorelai smiled at Kirk. "Have a good night."

Kirk nodded and watched her walk off after her boyfriend and granddaughter. He smiled a little, and began his walk home.


	8. Off

A/N: Thanks to Samijoe for the beta!

**Welcome to Wonderland Chapter 8: Off **

"I can't believe you talked me into this."

Alice smiled and stuck her head out the car window. "You smell that?"

"What? Pollution?" Tristin asked, keeping his eyes on the road ahead of him.

"No!" she laughed. "The hot dogs! The coffee! The pizza!"

"The sewage," he retorted.

"That's my home town you're belittling, good sir," Alice informed him.

He raised an eyebrow. "I thought Stars Hollow was your home."

"It is. This is my other home."

"Oh?"

Alice nodded. "We lived here until I was eight. We moved when Mom got really depressed."

"Why?"

She shrugged. "Everybody thought she'd do really well in a big city, but she missed home, and my grandmother. It just got to her."

Tristin nodded. "So you guys just picked up and left?"

"Pretty much," Alice replied. "My parents had this huge blow-up, and it all just came out. The next day Dad started house hunting in Stars Hollow."

"Wow."

"What?"

"I don't know," Tristin said. "My dad would have never done that for my mom."

"Huh."

"I mean... not since the divorce."

"Oh," Alice said, crossing her arms. "I didn't know they were divorced."

Tristin shrugged. "They split up when I was ten. Don't see my mom too often. She travels a lot."

Alice frowned. "I'm sorry."

"Whatever. I've got my dad, so..."

"Well, that's good..." Alice replied. "Dads are good."

Tristin nodded. "He got me the car."

Alice nodded slowly, thinking about just how spoiled he was. "Nice..." She glanced out the window again, and smiled. "Pull over. We're here."

Tristin blinked at the small, run-down building. "This?"

"This."

"It's gross!!"

"Shut up and park."

Tristin smirked and parked the car in front of the gym. As soon as he shut off the engine, Alice hopped out and ran in, with a gym bag thrown over her shoulder.

Tristin sighed. It was going to be a long date.

* * *

Jess sighed as he sat on his cousin's couch. "Frankie okay?"

Gloria nodded as she handed him a cup of coffee. "He's getting way too friendly with the NYPD, but he's fine."

Jess nodded. "Good."

Gloria sat down across from him, her own mug in her hands.

Jess looked around. "Still can't believe how different this place is. Sofia would have a heart attack if she were still alive."

Gloria smiled and looked around the old apartment. "I like it. It has character."

"You painted the walls purple."

"Character!"

"Freak," Jess joked.

"Swear to God, Jess, I will hurt you," Gloria shook her head.

He smirked. "How's the bookstore?"

"Good," Gloria nodded. "Surprisingly lucrative these days."

Jess nodded. "Good."

"Where's Ali?"

"Gym," Jess replied. "Probably gone to harass Keith. She's got her boyfriend with her."

Gloria grinned. "Boyfriend?"

Jess glared. "Shut up."

"You remember the first time I went out with Jamie?" Gloria laughed. "Grandpa was ready to kill him."

Jess nodded. "I remember."

Gloria took a sip of her coffee. "So... while it's just the two of us... which it hardly ever is... what the hell are you doing here?"

Jess looked down at his coffee.

* * *

"Get the phone."

RING!

"You get the phone."

RING!

"I'm comfy!"

Rory grimaced from her spot on the couch next to her mother. It was a family scene; the two of them lying around watching movies. With Luke at the diner and Jess and Alice in New York for the day, they were stuck with each other, which was never a problem. "So am I."

RING!

Unless the phone rang.

Lorelai groaned and reached over and grabbed the phone. "Hello?"

"Hello, may I please speak to... uh... Lorelai?"

Lorelai blinked and sat up straighter. "Max?"

Rory glanced at her with interest.

"Lorelai." He sounded surprised.

"Uhm... what are you doing calling here?"

"It's the phone number of one of my students," he replied, still sounding shocked. "You're Alice Mariano's mother?"

"No!" Lorelai cried. "Rory is... Alice is my granddaughter."

"Oh..."

"Why?" Lorelai asked. "Is something wrong?"

"Uh... there were a couple of incidents I'd like to talk to Rory about..."

"Oh! Sure!" Lorelai nodded and handed the phone to Rory.

"Hello?"

"Rory?"

"Hi, Mr. Medina."

"Hello."

Rory sat back. "Did you need to speak to me?"

"Yes," Max said firmly. "Alice... your daughter's work is very good..."

"That's great," Rory nodded. "Glad to hear it."

"Her manners and regard for the authority of her teachers leaves something to be desired."

Rory sighed. "Yup."

"...That's it?"

"She's had problems with authority since she was little. Her elementary school and public school teachers had the same problems."

Max paused for a moment. "Okay..."

"Just... reason with her," Rory told him. "Beat her at her own game. Show her you're more intelligent than she is. Believe me, it works."

"If you insist..."

"I do," Rory smiled. "Bye, Mr. Medina. It was nice talking to you."

He sighed. "Bye, Rory."

Rory hung up the phone and went back to watching the movie.

Lorelai didn't.

Rory glanced at her mother. "What?"

"Why didn't you tell me Max was still teaching at Chilton?" Lorelai asked, sounding slightly upset.

"I didn't think it mattered," Rory replied. "It's been so long since you guys were together... and you're with Luke now."

"You should have told me," Lorelai said.

"Why does it matter?"

"I almost married the guy!"

"Twenty years ago," Rory pointed out. "Come on, Mom."

Lorelai pouted.

Rory sighed.

* * *

Tristin walked into the South Street Gym and looked around. It was smelly and dingy, and filled with people, both young and old, working out.

He sighed.

It was disgusting.

And he had no idea where Alice had run off to.

He heard a scream, and looked over to the boxing ring.

There she was, thrown over the shoulder of a guy about their age, who wasn't the tallest person in the world, but could probably wipe the floor with Tristin. He had spiky, crazy hair that was a very dull shade of orange; his brunette roots were beginning to show. He looked as if he was having the best time in the world.

Tristin walked over to the ring and looked up into it. "Hey!" he snapped. "Put her down!"

The orange-haired youth turned with a confused look plastered on his handsome face. "Who're you?" he asked in a thick New York accent.

"Keith!" Alice cried with a laugh. "This is Tristin; my... date..."

"Ya brought a date to the gym?" Keith asked.

Alice sighed. "Tristin, this is my good friend Keith."

"Good friend?" Tristin asked, raising an eyebrow.

Keith smacked Alice on the butt. "Good friend," he repeated with a grin.

"JEEZ!" Alice cried. "Put me down!"

"No!" Keith chuckled.

Alice glared, and bit him, causing him to drop her onto the mat.

"No fair, biting!" Keith cried. "No fair!"

Alice laughed and got to her feet. "That's what you get."

"Karma's a bitch, Mariano," Keith warned with a smirk.

"So's your mom, Allenton," Alice snapped.

Keith pointed at her. "Don't you talk 'bout my ma!"

Tristin sighed deeply and took a seat on a bench.

Some date...

* * *

Gloria titled her head. "You think?"

Jess nodded his head at his untouched coffee cup. "They haven't gotten back to me with the tests yet."

"It's probably nothing," Gloria said.

"Right," Jess agreed. "I know."

They sat in silence.

"You die and I'll kill you," Gloria told him.

"I'm not dying," Jess snapped. "I just... might be sick... but I'm probably not."

"You gonna tell Rory and Alice?"

He shrugged. "Not until I know for sure."

"You should at least tell Rory."

"Why worry them if it's nothing?" Jess asked. "If it turns out to be something, I'll tell her... and Alice, but why freak them out?"

Gloria rolled her eyes. "Idiot."

Jess sighed. "Yeah."

* * *

Tristin stood on the balls of his feet. "Alice? Can we go now?"

Alice threw one last punch at Keith, knocking him off his feet. "Yeah. Just gimme a minute to clean up."

"Clean up?" Tristin asked worriedly. "You mean... you're gonna shower here?"

Alice nodded as she climbed out of the ring, followed by Keith. "Yeah, why not?"

Tristin shook his head, obviously not too comfortable with the idea. "No reason..."

"He's afraid you're gonna get some disease from the shower stall," Keith grinned.

Alice smirked and kissed Tristin on the cheek. "That's so cute. I'll be right out."

Tristin nodded and watched her go.

"So..." Keith said, once Alice had disappeared into the girls' locker room. "You're the boy?"

Tristin nodded. "Pretty much... I will be soon if I'm not now."

Keith nodded back. "Uh-huh, uh-huh... right."

Tristin raised an eyebrow.

Keith smiled brightly. "If you hurt her, I'll rip off your arms and shove them up your ass."

Tristin blinked. "Is that even possible?"

"It will be when I'm through with you."

"Hey!" snapped a voice from the door. "Stop taking over my job, Keith."

He grinned. "Sorry, Uncle Jess."

Jess walked over and sighed. "We're waiting on Alice?"

Tristin nodded.

"Huh," Jess commented, glancing at Keith. "Where in hell are your parents?"

"Dora's working, and Logan is sleeping on the couch," Keith replied.

Tristin gave him a weird look. "Logan and Dora?"

"My parents," Keith replied.

"You call them by their first names?" Tristin asked.

"Well, I could call them Mr. and Mrs. Allenton, but that'd be weird, wouldn't it?" Keith sighed. "I'm going out for a smoke." He turned to Jess. "You wanna come?"

Jess shook his head. "Cutting back."

Keith smirked. "You always say that."

At that moment, Alice walked back out in a nicer outfit, her hair wet. "Hey, Dad."

Jess nodded. "Hi."

Alice nodded back. She turned to Tristin. "You all set?"

"Like you wouldn't believe," Tristin replied.

Jess snickered a little and turned fully to Alice. "Okay. Have fun tonight. Be safe, be legal, and don't forget that you promised Joey you'd help him and Molly baby-sit Kira."

Alice nodded. "You got it."

Jess walked forward and kissed the top of her head. "See you at home." With that, he turned and walked out.

Tristin sighed. "So, where to now?"

"Dinner, I guess," Alice muttered. She turned to Keith. "Did he seem off to you?"

Keith blinked. "He's always off."

"More off."

Keith shrugged. "I don't know."

Tristin sighed. "I'm sure he's fine... can we go?"

Alice nodded. "Yeah..."

* * *

"My God," Luke said as he walked into Rory and Jess's house that evening. "Have you two been sitting here all day?"

Lorelai and Rory were, in fact, still sitting on the couch, staring at the television. "Ssshhh!" they both ordered.

Luke sighed. "Jess back yet?"

"Do you see a Jess sitting here, mocking us?" Lorelai asked.

"He should be back any minute," Rory muttered.

"Good," Luke snapped. "I'm gonna go start dinner."

"Food?" Lorelai asked, looking up at him hopefully.

Luke nodded and sighed deeply.

* * *

Tristin pulled over to the curb in front of a house on Peach Street. "Whose house is this?"

"The Gleasons," Alice replied. "We're babysitting tonight."

"How old are they?"

"She."

Tristin blinked. "There's only one?"

"Yup."

"Why does she need three sitters?"

Alice smiled. "She doesn't. It's just more fun that way." She moved to kiss him on the cheek, but he moved his face to catch her lips.

He smiled when they parted. "Call me?"

"Yeah right," she scoffed playfully. "You call me."

He laughed. "Okay."

She smiled at him and got out.

* * *

"TAG! You're it!"

"Noooooo!" Joey cried overdramatically, falling to his knees. "I've been tagged!"

Kira giggled and ran off, slamming right into Molly. "Hi!"

Molly smirked. "Hi, there. Who's it?"

Kira pointed to Joey.

"Oh, no!" Molly cried, and ran off.

The door opened and Alice peeked in with a smile. "Tag?"

"Joey's it!" Kira cried excitedly.

Joey got to his feet with a grin. "That's right!" He bum-rushed Alice and knocked her off her feet. "TAG!"

"AH!" Alice cried. "You jerk!"

Joey grinned. "How was the ball, Cinderella?"

"Sweaty."

"Wow, I didn't know you were easy," Joey commented.

She shoved him off of her. "We went to the gym!"

Joey laughed and lie on the floor. "That's what they all say."

Alice growled, got up, and kicked him hard in the side.

"OW!" Joey cried, cringing. "Dammit!"

"Bad Joey!" Kira cried rushing in from the other room with Molly tailing her. "No cursing!"

"Yeah," Molly giggled. "No cursing."

Kira sat on Joey, who let out a grunt.

"I'm gonna get you, Mols," Joey warned.

"Try getting through my two fathers first," Molly snickered.

"Hey!" Joey cried. "Uncle Zach and Uncle Brian are very understanding. If I can sit them down rationally and explain why you need to be gotten, they'd let me!"

Alice smirked and looked around a little. "Why isn't Emma here, again?"

"She and Mike are having bonding time," Joey replied.

"Yeah, cause that's a good idea," Molly said dryly.

Joey sighed. "Mike's better."

"Yeah, right," Molly muttered.

"I want ice cream!" Kira cried, oblivious to their conversation.

The three teens glanced at each other.

* * *

Emma sighed as she followed her older brother into the foggy club in New York. "I'm not supposed to be here, am I?"

"Relax," Mike replied. "I've got you covered." He waltzed up to the bar, and ordered two drinks. He held one out to her. "Here."

Emma crossed her arms, obviously uncomfortable.

"Oh, come on, Em," Mike smiled. "Loosen up! You're young! Live it up!"

She slowly took the glass and took a sip. She wrinkled her nose. "What is this?"

"A highball," Mike told her.

"What's that?"

He smiled. "Don't worry about it."


	9. The Hordes Gathering

**Welcome To Wonderland Ch. 9:**_ The Hordes Gathering_

Joey sighed and waited at the small diner table. He took a glance at his watch and sighed again. "I say 'hey... meet me at Luke's at ten on Sunday," he muttered. "They say 'okay, Joe! We love you, Joe!' Yet here I am at ten-thirty and... I'm alone... unloved... abandoned..."

Luke walked up, giving the teen a weird look. "You okay?"

"Fine," he replied, sitting back. "Forsaken by my friends, but fine."

Luke smirked. "You know Alice isn't working today, right?"

"I know," Joey replied. "I'm not waiting on her. She's not supposed be here. See, we were all supposed to get up early to start planning her birthday... which is... soon. And here I am. Alone; unaided; by myself."

Luke stared in slight fear. "Don't you even-"

Too late. Joey burst into song. "All by myyyseeeelllfff!"

Luke cringed. "How do you know that song?"

"Hi," Joey replied. "Have you met my parents?"

"How could I forget," Luke muttered. "You gonna order something?"

Joey sighed. "Pancakes? And coffee?"

Luke nodded. "You got it."

Just as Luke walked off, Emma stumbled in with a hand to her head.

Joey got up. "Em?"

She waved vaguely and took a seat at his table.

"What happened to you?"

"Nothing," Emma replied. "I'm sorry I'm late."

Joey bit his lip and then went up to the counter. "Hey, Jess."

Jess nodded as he served an elderly gentleman sitting on the other side of the counter. "What's up, Joe?"

"Can I get another coffee along with my order?" he asked hopefully.

Jess gave him an odd stare, and then glanced over at Emma. "She doesn't look good. Something happen?"

Joey shrugged.

Jess grimaced and nodded. "I'll get you that coffee."

"Thanks," Joey nodded as Jess handed him the coffee.

Jess nodded and watched him walk back to his table and set the mug in front his girlfriend.

Luke walked out from the kitchen and followed Jess's gaze. "What's up with Emma?"

"Three guesses," Jess muttered, before walking back to the storeroom.

At that moment Lorelai rushed into the diner and slumped down into a chair at Joey and Emma's table. "Hi! Sorry I'm late!"

"No yelling, please..." Emma muttered, squeezing her eyes shut.

Lorelai blinked at the girl. "Em? Are you okay?"

Emma nodded and drank her coffee.

"What did you do last night?" Lorelai asked suspiciously.

"Hung out with Mike..."

"Oh, sweetie, no," Lorelai said worriedly. "Please tell me you didn't..."

"Nothing happened," Emma snapped. "Everything's fine."

Lorelai sighed. She knew the girl was lying. "Don't go out with him again, okay?"

Emma nodded a little.

Joey and Lorelai made eye contact; both frowning at each other.

"Do you want me to take you home?" Lorelai asked.

Emma shook her head. "No. I'm fine, and we need to plan this."

Joey sighed. "Well, we're still waiting on Molly... and Tristin... and Madison...and Keith, but god only knows if he'll actually show up..."

The door opened again, and Tristin walked in. "Sorry I'm late."

"Liar," Joey muttered.

"What?" Tristin asked as he sat down, looking confused.

"What?" Joey repeated. "Who said that?"

Tristin rolled his eyes and sat down at the table. "Did I miss anything?"

"Nope," Lorelai replied. "We're still waiting on Molly, Madison and Keith."

Tristin wrinkled his forehead. "Keith's coming?"

"He's one of Ali's oldest friends," Joey said.

Tristin sighed loudly and tapped his fingers on the table.

Emma snatched Tristin's hand to stop him from tapping. "Don't."

"What's your problem?" Tristin asked, obviously a little annoyed.

"Headache," Emma replied. "Stop the tapping or I'll eat out your liver."

"She's not lying," Joey warned. "She'll do it."

"Man, you guys are weird," Tristin muttered.

Lorelai smiled. "Mmm, this is normal for them."

Madison stumbled into the diner and plopped down into a chair. "Sorry I'm late. Mein Fuhrer almost didn't let me leave the house on account of my chemistry homework not being done."

Tristin blinked. "It's not due until next week."

"And that matters?" Madison asked.

"How is your mother?" Lorelai asked.

"Paris is fine," Madison replied quickly. "Juuuuust peachy."

Tristin gave an odd look. "What is it with you people calling your parents by their first names?"

"This again?" Keith asked as he walked in and took a seat.

Tristin rolled his eyes as Keith sat down. "Hi."

Keith nodded. "So how are we working this whole birthday thing?"

"We're still waiting on Molly," Emma muttered.

"Still?" Keith asked.

At that moment, Molly stormed in, with her father hot on her heals.

Brian sighed. "Just wear the coat."

Molly rolled her eyes. "How many times do I have to tell you that I'm not cold?"

"I don't want you to get sick!" Brian cried. "At least just take it with you."

"You are so damaged," Molly commented, taking the coat. "Now go home before Dad comes in here and yells at you."

Lorelai snickered as the girl sat down. "Ah, domestic life with Zach and Brian."

Molly grumbled as she sat down with them.

* * *

Rory paced around the living room, wearing her pajamas with the phone to her ear. "Yes, hi. May I please speak to Professor Lily Benton?"

"Hold, please," said the voice on the other end.

"Thank you."

Rory paced a little more. Planning for Alice's birthday wasn't as easy as she'd hoped it would be. She shouldn't have been surprised to be having trouble contacting Jess's side of the family, though.

"Hello?"

"Lily?"

"Rory?!"

"Hi!"

"Hi!" Lily said excitedly. "I haven't heard from you in ages? How are you? How's Jess? How's Alice? How-"

"Lily, breathe," Rory snickered. "Everybody's good."

"What's up?"

"Alice's birthday is next weekend," Rory replied.

"Yeah, I know. Dominic and I were planning on sending books."

Rory grimaced. "That's great... I was actually wondering if maybe you would think about coming down... seeing as it is her sweet sixteen and we haven't seen you in so long."

Lily thought for a moment. "It might be a little bit hard... I think we might be able to swing it."

"That'd be great!" Rory smiled. "That'd be awesome."

* * *

"I'M HOME!!"

Sookie rushed down the stairs of their home, almost tripping on the way to her son. "JELLY BEAN!"

Davie Melville caught his mother before she hit the ground and hugged her. He was a very large young man of around twenty, with light brown hair and warm brown eyes. "Hey, Mom."

"Oh, Sweetie!" Sookie cried, hugging her son back. "I'm so glad you're home!"

Davie smiled. "Me, too, Mom. Dad home?"

"Oh, no, he's at work, but he should be here for dinner." She let go of him and led him into the kitchen. "I thought you weren't coming home until two weekends from now."

Davie shrugged. "The coach let us have the weekend off of practice, and I had nothing else to do, so... here I am."

"Well, good! You can help Mommy cook dinner."

Davie smirked and rolled his eyes. "Yes, Mommy."

* * *

Luke heard a crashing from the storeroom, and rushed back, swinging open the door.

There was Jess, in the process of getting to his feet.

"Jesus, Jess! What the hell was that?!"

He turned suddenly, looking slightly pale. He crossed his arms over his chest. "I slipped. Sorry."

Luke stared. "You don't look so good."

"I'm fine."

"You're lying."

"I said I'm fine." He sighed. "I'm gonna clean this up," he told him, nodding to the fallen boxes.

Luke just stared and shook his head.

* * *

"We're not coming here a couple of Friday's from now," Rory informed her grandmother.

Emily looked up, slightly alarmed. "Why not?"

"It's Alice's birthday," Jess answered. "We're throwing the party."

"Oh?" Emily asked, raising an eyebrow.

Both parents nodded.

"Why can't you have it on Saturday?" Emily asked.

"Oh, here we go," Lorelai muttered.

"Her birthday is on Friday," Jess replied. "SO we're throwing her party on Friday."

"We want time with her on Friday," Emily said.

"Tough," Jess replied. "She's not your kid. You're more than welcome to come to our house on Friday, but we won't be showing up here."

Emily glared slightly, and Jess stared blankly.

At that moment, Alice walked in, still in her Chilton uniform from school, backpack over her shoulder. "Hi," she said. She glanced from Emily to Jess. "What happened?"

"Nothing," Emily replied pleasantly.

"Your Great Grandmother and I are not seeing eye to eye," Jess told her truthfully.

"What else is new?" Alice asked, sitting next to Lorelai. "Hi."

"Hey, Sweetie. How was your day?" Lorelai asked.

"Good," Alice nodded. "What are we arguing about?"

"Alice, where would you like to spend your birthday next Friday?" Emily asked.

"On the moon," Alice replied.

Emily paused for a moment. "Would you like to have dinner here?"

"What's wrong with the moon?" Alice asked, pouting a little.

"Your dad wants you to spend your birthday at home," Lorelai told her.

"Cool," Alice said. "That works. Joe and Em have plans for me apparently."

"What about Friday dinner?" Emily asked.

"You can come to our house," Alice smiled. "It'll be fun! You haven't been in a really long time."

Emily sighed. "Why disrupt our routine?"

"Sorry I'm late," Richard said, walking in and sitting down. He looked from Emily to Jess and sighed. "What this time?"

"They want to have Friday dinner at their house for Alice's birthday," Emily replied.

Jess cleared his throat. "Ali, can you go get my cell phone out of the car?"

Alice nodded and got up. "One day, you'll remember it on your own," she mumbled as she walked out.

"Not likely," Jess called as the door closed.

Rory sighed. "We're throwing a surprise party for Alice at Mom's house."

Emily kept her gaze on her granddaughter. "And?"

"And that's why we need to cancel Friday dinner," Rory finished.

"Well, I don't think it's an excuse," Emily said. "I want to spend Alice's birthday with her."

"We've got plans," Jess snapped.

Rory sighed and took his hand. "Jess...."

Richard sighed as well. "Emily, just let it go." He turned to Rory. "We are invited to this party, yes?"

Rory nodded. "Of course."

"Good," Richard nodded. "Then we'll be there."

Emily groaned. "Richard!"

"Eight o'clock," Rory smiled.

Lorelai grinned. "I'll make sure Sookie cooks more food."

"Wonderful," Richard smiled. "Speaking of food, I'm starving."

At that moment, Alice walked back in and dropped the cell phone in her father's lap. "There."

"Thanks," Jess nodded.

"I don't know about you guys," Luke said, getting to his feet. "But I'm with Richard."

Richard got up as well. "Yes, let's head into the dining room, shall we?"

* * *

Madison cleared her throat, and the four girls looked up from their lunch table the follow Monday.

"Uhm... Hi," she said nervously. "I'm Alice's friend, Madison."

Elise, Stephanie, Aza and Sami-Joe all shrugged and nodded.

Madison sat down tentatively.

"Hey," Stephanie said. "You don't have to be nervous. We don't eat people."

"Yeah, only Kayla does that," Aza joked.

Madison sighed. "So... this coming Friday is Alice's birthday, and..."

* * *

Friday morning at three, Rory crept into her daughter's room, and sat on the bed. "Alice."

She groaned.

Rory sat down on the bed and nudged Alice, who scooted over to give her room to lie down. "Happy birthday."

Alice squinted awake. "It's three in the morning."

Rory nodded. "Yup."

"I was born at three fifteen," Alice smirked. "I have fifteen more minutes." She closed her eyes again.

Rory shook her head. "You are so Jess's daughter. Open up. I wanna talk to you."

Alice sighed and opened her eyes. "Hi."

"Hi, birthday girl... so, what do you think?" Rory asked. "How does it feel to be sixteen?"

"Same as it did to be fifteen," Alice replied thoughtfully. "Although I think my boobs got a little bigger." She looked down at her chest. "Did they get bigger?"

Rory snickered and nudged Alice. "Any complaints about life so far?"

"Britney Spears."

"I'll have Dad put out a hit on her this afternoon," Rory promised. She smiled. "You are such a cool kid. You're so much cooler than I was at your age."

Alice smirked. "You were a nerd."

"Still am, thank you."

At that moment, Jess stumbled into the room and landed on the bed, on Alice's other side. "Sorry I'm late," he said groggily.

"You're always late," both girls said at once.

He sighed. "Yeah, yeah."

"He was even late for your birth," Rory pointed out to Alice.

"By six minutes," Jess snapped. "I was there in six minutes."

"Six long, painful minutes," Rory moaned.

"Yeah for the nurses," Jess muttered.

Rory reached across and smacked him on the arm.

"Abuse!" Jess cried.

Rory rolled her eyes and wrapped an arm around Alice. "So there I was... at this exact time, many years ago, gripping your father's hand..."

"Cutting off my circulation," Jess muttered.

"You try having a baby," Rory quipped.

"I didn't have feeling in my left hand for three days," Jess told Alice. "It sucked."

"So did having something the size of a bowling ball pop out of my-"

"Okay!" Alice cut them off. "Either tell the story or let me sleep."

Rory sighed. "So there I was, cutting off the circulation in your father's hand, using words I'd never ever used before..."

"And haven't since," Jess pointed out with a nod.

"And haven't since," Rory repeated. "And after hours and hours of pushing and screaming, and cursing Jess, telling him he was never ever allowed to touch me ever again... the doctor said he saw your head."

"And then I leaned over to have a look," Jess cut in. "Biggest mistake of my life."

"Hey!" Alice cried.

"It was weird-looking," Jess defended.

"Jerk," Rory muttered. "So, a few long, loud minutes later, there you were."

"Covered in goo," Jess added.

"You're taking the sentimentality out of this," Rory accused.

"She was covered in goo," Jess repeated.

"You guys are freaks," Alice said.

"And then you started crying," Jess went on. "A lot. Loudly."

"It was a good sound," Rory nodded.

Jess nodded in agreement. "It was."

Rory snickered. "And then they made your dad cut the umbilical cord."

Jess rolled his eyes.

Rory laughed. "He dropped the scissors."

"Shut up."

"So, the doctors took you away to get you cleaned up, and brought you back along with a clean bill of health," Rory said.

"They had to cut the tail off first," Jess mentioned.

Alice nudged him. "Meanie."

"So then you got passed around like a thirty-cent prostitute," Jess went on. "Every single relative wanted to hold you and make weird faces at you and beg you never to inherit any of my personality traits."

Rory and Alice both snickered.

Jess smirked. "And like a true Mariano, you completely ignored them all and did whatever the hell you wanted."

Alice smirked and kept listening.


	10. You Say It's Your Birthday

Big hugs to Ari, who rules!

**Welcome to Wonderland Chapter 10: You Say it's Your Birthday… **

"Hey, birthday girl."

Alice turned and smirked. "Hey, Tristin."

He walked over to her and wrapped his arm around her shoulder. "So, how's your day been?"

"Normal," Alice shrugged.

"Too bad," Tristin shook his head. "It's your birthday! You should be having an amazing day."

"It's not a big deal," she snickered.

"Hey, what are you doing tonight?" he asked.

"Family dinner, and then Emma and Joey are supposed to drag me somewhere. Why?"

He sighed. "Well, I was going to offer to take you to dinner…"

Alice frowned. "Oh… I'm sorry…"

He smirked. "Rain check?"

She nodded. "Definitely."

"Great," he replied. "Ready for chorus?"

She nodded again and they walked into the choral room.

Mr. E. rushed out of his office and sighed. "So, according to Dugrey and the altos, it's Mariano's birthday," he said as he shoved past his students who were still getting on to the risers. "As is custom, we will sing her happy birthday, and then I'll work your asses off." He got onto his podium. "Mariano, play a chord for them."

She nodded and walked to the piano. When E. had found out about Alice's piano prowess he'd made her the pianist. During rehearsals she played and sang the best she could every other day.

When they started singing to her, she blushed. The tenor and bass sections sang loudly and without skill, as did the altos. You could barely hear the sopranos; they all looked bored.

When their very bottom-heavy version of Happy Birthday was over, Mr. E. cut them off and sighed. "Good. Fine. Pull out the Misa Brive in F, please…"

* * *

Alice smiled and kissed Tristin once more. "I'm gonna miss my bus." 

"I can drive you," Tristin told her.

She snickered. "You're gonna come back to Stars Hollow and get hosed down again?"

Tristin smirked. "I'm good-looking when I'm wet."

She shoved at him with a laugh. "Freak."

He was about to reply, but the sound of someone's loud car stereo prevented him from doing so.

Alice squinted. "Diamond Dogs?"

Tristin raise an eyebrow. "What?"

Jess's car zoomed up in front of them.

"Dad's not big on that song," Alice said.

The passenger's side door flung open, and a man a bit older than Jess hopped out. He wore a baseball cap over thinning, graying hair.

Alice's eyes widened. "Gramps?!"

Jimmy Mariano cracked a smile. "Hey, Doodle!"

Jess got out of the car just as Alice threw her arms around his father. He leaned against the car and watched with a wry smirk.

Tristin blinked, and mouthed "Doodle" to himself before clearing his throat softly. "Hi, Mr. Mariano."

Both Jess and Jimmy glanced over at the teen. The older Mariano let go of Alice and gave Tristin an once-over. "This Groin-Boy?"

Jess nodded.

Alice rolled her eyes. "Tristin, this is my grandfather, Jimmy Mariano. Gramps, this is my boyfriend, Tristin Dugrey."

"Hi," Tristin nodded. "Nice to meet you."

Jimmy nodded. "Sure."

Tristin sighed.

"So… what are you doing here?" Alice asked Jimmy.

Jimmy gave her a confused look. "It's your sweet sixteen. Where in hell else would I be?"

Alice smiled and hugged him again. "So… did Auntie Sasha come with? And Lily and Dom?"

"Nah, they didn't make it," Jimmy replied.

Alice nodded a little and glanced at Tristin; then she turned to her father. "Dad?"

"Yes, Doodle?" Jess asked mockingly.

She glared. "Can Tristin come to dinner tonight?"

Jess scratched the back of his head. "I don't know, Ali… it's kind of a family thing…"

Alice gave him pleading eyes. "Auntie Sookie always makes too much food… and… he's the boyfriend, who offered to take me to dinner and got turned down…"

Jess groaned. "Fine, but if Emily kills him, it's not my fault."

"He looks like a snot if I ever saw one," Jimmy said. "Emily'll love him."

Tristin was about to protest, but Alice put a hand to his mouth. "Tristin and I will meet you guys at the house."

"Hey!" Jess called.

Alice turned just as he tossed something to her. Her eyes widened. "Oh my god!"

Tristin gave her a confused look.

Alice showed him the box, but that did nothing to ease his confusion.

"It's a Voodoo Lab Sparkle Drive!"

"Give it up, Alice," Jess smirked. "He doesn't get it."

"It's a guitar overdrive pedal," Alice explained. She smiled at Jess. "Thank you!"

"Happy birthday," he nodded. "Let's get moving. If we're not home before dinner, Sookie might kill someone."

Alice nodded and took Tristin by the hand. "Bye, guys!"

Both men nodded and watched them walk toward Tristin's car.

"I don't like him," Jimmy said.

Jess rolled his eyes. "Get in the car, old man."

* * *

Tristin started up the car. "I don't know if I can keep your family straight." 

Alice smirked. "They're quite a brood, aren't they?"

Tristin nodded.

"Okay," she said. "Here's how it goes: You've met the two Lorelais."

"Your mother and her mother."

"And you've met Dad and his Uncle Luke, who is dating my Grandma Lorelai."

Tristin nodded. "Yeah."

"You just met Dad's Dad."

"Uh-huh."

"Sasha is his wife."

"Your father's mom."

Alice shook her head. "Step-mom."

"…Oh…"

"She's not here… Maybe Grandma Liz and Uncle TJ will show up…"

"Who are…?"

"Dad's mom and step-dad… Oh! And Grandpa Chris and Auntie Sherry… and Gigi…"

"Uh…"

"Mom's dad and step-mom and half-sister…"

"Wow…"

"Yeah… Oh! And-"

"No more!" Tristin cut her off quickly. "Just… make me a diagram or something…"

"But I didn't tell you about Uncle Jackson and Auntie Sookie and Bean… Grandma Emily and Grandpa Richard, and-"

"Diagram, please."

"Okay."

* * *

"There she is," Lorelai said with a big smile. "Hi, Babe!" 

"Hey, Grandma," Alice replied, as she walked in the door, with Tristin following behind her.

"Oh!" Lorelai smirked. "Sookie! We got an extra!" she called into Rory and Jess's kitchen.

"No problem!" Sookie called. "Hi, Ali, sweetie! Happy birthday!"

"Thanks, Auntie Sookie!" Alice called.

A pair of thick arms grabbed Alice from behind and lifted her off the ground.

"AH! DAVIE-BEAN!"

Davie laughed. "Hey, Kiddo."

"Hi!"

"Happy birthday!"

Alice snickered. "Thanks! "

Davie glanced over at Tristin. "Who's the tool?"

"Boyfriend. Tristin, this is Davie Melville."

"Hi," Tristin replied awkwardly.

Davie nodded and set Alice down. "Tristin."

"Davie."

Alice rolled her eyes, and turned to the door just as Luke walked in carrying a pie.

"Pie!" Alice cried.

"After dinner," Luke ordered. "Not now."

Alice pouted. "But I'm the birthday girl… birthday girl wants pie…"

"Later."

"But…"

"No," Luke ordered.

"What kind of pie is it?"

"Apple and raisin."

"Ew," Alice replied, wrinkling her nose. "That's gross. Why would you get pie I hate for my birthday?"

"He didn't," Lorelai said. "He's just saying that to keep you away from the oreo-crème pie."

Alice's eyes widened.

"Now look what you did!" Luke snapped.

They argued all the way into the kitchen.

Tristin looked around the house, feeling a little out of place. Jess and Jimmy had yet to show up… not that he was really looking forward to being around them; they obviously hated him.

He probably shouldn't have come.

Rory smiled as she walked down the stairs. "Hey."

"Hey, Mom!" Alice cried. She held up the effects box. "Look what Dad got me!"

"I know," Rory smirked. "He cheated and gave it to you early." She brought her hands out from behind her back, producing a plastic crown and a bright pink feather boa.

"Oh, no," Alice groaned with a laugh.

"Oh, yes!" Rory smiled. "Gilmore tradition!" She placed the crown on top of her daughter's head and then put the boa around her neck.

Alice giggled and turned to Tristin. "How ridiculous do I look?"

"Very," Tristin nodded.

"We're back!" Jess called, walking in the door with Jimmy.

"Good!" Sookie cried. "Just in time for dinner… where on earth is Jackson?"

"And my parents," Lorelai added. "They were supposed to be here by now."

"Didn't we tell them eight?" Jess asked.

"I called and told them to come earlier for dinner," Rory explained. She wrapped her arms around Alice. "Look at our daughter. Isn't she pretty?"

"In a very strange way, yes she is," Jess replied.

"Why would Grandma and Grandpa be coming later?" Alice asked.

"Because I accidentally told them to come at eight," Jess replied.

"What were you doing inviting Grandma Emily over?" Alice asked. "You don't-"

"Sorry we're late," Emily said, as she and Richard walked through the door. "Traffic was disastrous."

"That's okay," Rory smiled. "We're all glad you made it."

"Yeah," Jess muttered.

Richard smiled as Alice turned to face him and gave her a hug. "My goodness, you look just like your mother when she was your age."

"It's the crown," Alice grinned.

"It must be," the older man chuckled.

"We're late, we're late!"

"Grandma Liz!" Alice cried. "Uncle TJ!"

Jess rolled his eyes. "Great…"

"Baby Girl!" Liz cried, wrapping Alice in a tight hug.

Tristin stood on the sidelines, just watching the large group of people gathered in the tiny front hall.

It was hard to believe there would be more as the evening went on.

* * *

The table was packed. 

"Sookie, you've really outdone yourself with all of this," Emily commented.

"Thank you," Sookie beamed.

Davie burped loudly, and blushed. "Beg your pardon."

"So, Alice, how does it feel to be sixteen?" Richard asked.

She nodded. "Pretty good… I wish I were eighteen… then I could vote… and buy lotto tickets…"

"And pornography," TJ added. "Can't forget the pornography."

Most of the adults at the table stared at him in either shock or annoyance. Liz snickered, along with Davie and Alice.

"Yeah, TJ," Jess snapped. "That's exactly what I'm gonna get my kid for her eighteenth birthday."

TJ nodded, taking him seriously. "I hear Playgirl is very popular."

Emily shook her head and got to her feet. "I need the restroom."

Sookie giggled and got to her feet. "I have to go check on dessert."

Davie shook his head and snickered. "I… I have to go laugh my ass off." He rushed after Sookie.

"Davie!" Jackson cried, getting up as well. "Don't leave me here alone!" He rushed into the kitchen, too.

Alice was giggling uncontrollably.

Tristin cleared his throat. "Is it always like this?"

Alice nodded. "Both sides of the family are rarely ever here at the same time…" She glanced at Jimmy, who was mirroring the half-horrified, half-annoyed look Jess was giving TJ. Alice giggled more. "He's getting the Mariano gawk in stereo."

Tristin shook his head.

"So, Liz, TJ, what have you guys been up to?" Luke asked. "I haven't heard from you lately."

Liz took TJ's hand. "We opened up a jewelry shop up in Maine."

"Wow," Lorelai smiled. "That's great!"

"Thanks," Liz smiled back. "We're very proud of it."

"Why Maine?" Luke asked.

"Cause our car broke down there," TJ replied. "We figured it was destiny."

Richard cleared his throat. "I think I'm going to go outside and get some air."

"Mind if I join you?" Luke asked.

"Not at all," Richard replied pleasantly.

"So what have you got planned for the rest of the night?" Rory asked Alice.

She shrugged. "I don't know. Joey, Emma and Molly are supposed to show up and take me somewhere. They didn't say where."

At that moment, Joey came bursting into the dining room. "Hi!"

"Hey, Joe," Rory smiled.

He nodded, took Alice by the elbow and dragged her to her feet.

"Hey!" Alice cried. "I didn't get to have pie!"

"Tough," Joey replied. "We gotta go."

Alice pouted as he dragged her out of the house, giving her enough time to get her coat.

Tristin got up, but Rory pulled him back down. "No boyfriends allowed."

He grumbled, and looked around the table.

"So," TJ cleared his throat. "You're Alice's boyfriend."

Jess snorted.

Tristin nodded slowly.

"Tell me," TJ snapped. "What are you exact intentions?"

Tristin stared.

Jess slammed his head down on the table.

* * *

On the porch, Luke and Richard watched Emma place a purple blindfold over Alice's eyes. 

"What's the point of this?" Alice asked.

"It's kinky," Emma smiled.

Richard stared in slight shock.

Joey stared back. "In a completely innocent and platonic way… Sir."

Richard raised an eyebrow.

Luke sighed. "Don't get into too much trouble, please… I don't stay out too late! She's gotta work the morning shift tomorrow."

"You're such a party pooper, Luke," Molly told him. "Chill out."

"Don't mess with me, Molly, I don't let you walk all over me like your father does," Luke told her.

"Leave Uncle Brian alone!" Alice told him, stumbling a little. She couldn't see, and therefore was liable to run into things.

"Be careful, please," Richard called out. "There is no need to get a concussion on your birthday."

"I'll be okay!" Alice told him. "I know this town up and down. I can- OW!" She ran into the mailbox. "JEEZ!"

"We'll take care of her," Emma promised with a smile. "No worries."

* * *

"Okay," Lorelai sighed, looking around her overly-decorated house. "We've got food. We've got streamers, and the happy birthday banner, and cake-" 

"That goes under food, Lor," Christopher commented.

"Right," she said. "We've got the Mariano clan, the Danes clan, the Gilmores, the Haydens, the friends, the boyfriend… do we have ice?"

"I brought enough ice to supply an entire penguin habitat," Luke told her.

"I knew there was a reason I was dating you," Lorelai smiled, kissing him on the cheek.

"Ssshhh!" Jess called. "They're coming!"

Everyone dove into hiding positions, and Jess turned out the lights.

They waited.

And waited.

Rory hopped up from her hiding place behind the couch. "Jess! Stop messing with us!"

He smirked. "It's just too easy."

Luke got up and glared at him. "Knock it off."

Everyone got up and began milling around again.

Jess glanced out the window again. "Okay. They're here."

"Not falling for it again, Jess," Lane told him.

Jess shrugged. "Okay. Whatever."

And then the door opened.

"Oh… Whoa!"

The entire room stopped dead in their tracks.

Jess smirked at his daughter. "Surprise."

Lorelai glowered at her son-in-law. "It is so lynch mob time."

"I tried to tell you," Jess replied. "It's not my fault you didn't believe me."

"Get him," Luke snapped, and he and Lorelai chased Jess.

Alice snickered, and watched them run off, and then turned back to the group ahead of her.

"Happy birthday," Lily shrugged.

* * *

"Her first steps were taken in my office while I was on a conference call to Alaska," Richard chuckled. "I started cheering, and the boys were so confused that they hung up on me." 

Alice sighed and buried her head into Tristin's shoulder. "Must we tell embarrassing Alice stories?"

"It wouldn't be your birthday party if we didn't," Jess commented, taking a sip of his beer.

"Then why not tell a few embarrassing Jess stories," Sasha snickered. "Like the first time he tried to change her diaper?"

Jess glared.

"Refresh my memory," Lily said. "Was that superglue you used, or just plain old Elmer's?"

"And, I think its present time!" Jess called.

Alice smiled. "Yay!"

* * *

Madison, Elise and Stephanie spotted the group of trendy-looking girls walk through the grass on the Mariano's front lawn. 

Kayla was in the lead.

"Uh-oh," Elise commented.

Charlie smirked and walked up to them, carrying the garden hose. "I've got it."

* * *

When they heard a few screaming voices from outside, Alice turned to the window, and saw Charlie spraying Kayla and her friends with the garden hose. 

She smiled at him and he gave her a grin and a nod.

She turned back to her gifts and the people in front of her and smiled.

* * *

Most of the guests had left by around two in the morning, much to Taylor's chagrin, and Rory sat curled up on the porch swing with Jess. 

"Wow," she muttered as she pulled the quilt over them. "She's sixteen."

Jess nodded.

"Soon, she'll be looking at colleges… graduating high school…"

Jess snickered a little. "Didn't we just potty train her?"

"That's what I thought," Rory drawled tiredly. "What happens when she goes away to college?"

"Then… she goes away to college," Jess replied. "Who knows if she'll even go to college."

She looked up at him oddly.

"Never mind," he muttered.

From inside, they heard a couple of electric guitars, along with a bass, and a set of drums accompanied by voices singing along to a Led Zeppelin song.

"How mad do you think Taylor's gonna be?" Jess asked with a small smile.

"Very," Rory yawned. "They sound good."

Jess nodded. "They do. And I think that's Dave and Zach singing."

"Immigrant Song, right?" Rory asked.

Jess gave another nod.

"I'm gonna miss this when she goes away," Rory said, wrapping an arm around Jess.

"Its gonna be a couple of years yet," Jess reassured.

"Yeah, but… it's not such a long time," Rory pointed out, sitting up a little.

Jess narrowed his eyes at her. "What are you trying to say?"

She sighed and slumped against him. "I don't know."

He shifted a little. "Well, when you figure it out, let me know."

She nodded a little and turned around to look into the living room window. The song had changed, and she saw Alice smile and play her guitar. "Hey Jess?"

"Hm?"

"I think I want another baby."


	11. I didn't Know How to Tell You

**Welcome to Wonderland Ch. 11:** _I Didn't Know How to Tell You_

"…Stones taught me to fly… love taught me to lie… and life taught me to die… so it's not hard to fall, when you float like a cannonball…"

Alice stopped playing, and Joey turned to her.

"These words don't make sense."

"Come on! It's Damien Rice! Its classic!"

"Classic angst," Alice complained.

"I like it," Joey replied. "Please?"

Alice glared. "No puppy-eyes."

He pouted.

"Joe!"

"Please, Ali?" he whined, keeping his pout in place.

She groaned. "Fine. Fine. Goddamn emo crap," she muttered.

He smiled. "Thank you."

Alice shook her head and started playing again.

Joey sighed and played the base part. "So… what's up with your parents?"

Alice shrugged. "I don't know. I woke up this morning, and mom was giving dad the cold shoulder. He probably deserves it."

He shrugged back. "They both looked pretty upset."

"It's none of my business," Alice told him. "If they're gonna be in a fight, then… they're gonna be in a fight. There's nothing I can do about it."

Joey nodded and kept playing, humming the melody as well.

"Ready for the big football game?" Alice asked.

"Are you kidding?" Joey snapped. "I feel like I'm gonna pee myself every time I think about it."

Alice snickered and kept playing.

"Hey…do you think Emma's okay?"

Alice shrugged. "Sure. Why?"

"I don't know," Dave sighed. "She's been hanging out with Mike a lot lately. I'm kind of worried."

"I think she'll be okay," Alice said. "She knows what she's doing."

oooooooooooooooooo

"So what did you say?" Luke asked.

Jess sighed and fidgeted as he sat on the old couch in the apartment above the diner. "Nothing."

"Nothing?"

Jess shrugged.

"You asshole!"

"What!"

"The woman says she wants another kid and you say nothing!"

"What would you have said!"

Luke faltered at the question, and sputtered a little. "I… well, I would have said something!"

Jess sighed. "I just… thought it better to say nothing than to say something stupid. That's all."

"Do you want another kid?" Luke asked.

"I don't know," Jess confessed. "Maybe. I never really thought about it…We wanted Alice so badly…I figured I should just…be content with what we have…"

"She wants more," Luke pointed out. "Do you?"

Jess leaned back and stared at the ceiling.

ooooooooooooooooooooooo

Rory sighed as she picked up the phone. "Hello?"

"Hey!"

"Gloria!" Rory smiled. "Hi! How are you?"

"I'm great," Gloria replied.

Rory frowned. "I know that tone of voice…"

"What?"

"You got back together with Jamie again, didn't you?"

Gloria sighed.

"Gloria…"

"What do you want?" She asked. "He's Frankie's father, he's…He's all I've got."

"That's not true," Rory replied. "You know that's not true. You've got me, and Jess…"

Gloria snorted. "You've got your own problems, Jess being sick and all…"

Rory said nothing.

"Rory?"

"What do you mean…sick?" she asked.

"Oh, shit…"

oooooooooooooooooo

"I hate football," Joey muttered as he got set to play. "I hate football."

"Shut up, Joe," Bean muttered.

"I'm gonna pee myself," Joey commented.

"If you don't shut up and play, I'm gonna sack you so hard you won't know your own name," Luke said.

Joey shot up. "Okay, what the hell! That's just wrong!"

"Will you just play, so we can get this over with?" Kirk snapped, his voice cracking.

Mike smirked at his father, paying no attention to his teammate's outrage. "You're going down, old man."

"I'm not as old as you're going to feel after this game," Dean smirked back.

Tristin blinked from the bleachers. "Why are they playing football on a baseball field?"

"Because we don't have a football field, Junior," Alice replied with a smirk, shoving some popcorn in her mouth.

"Ah," he nodded. "So…what exactly is this?"

"It's supposed to be the annual father-son football game," Alice replied. "But…you know, Bean's dad, Jackson, and Joey's dad, Dave don't play, so Luke and Kirk are stepping in."

"Oh…"

"KICK THEIR ASSES, JOEY!" Molly cried from Alice's other side.

"GO TO HELL, MOLLS!" Joey yelled.

Emma giggled and wrapped an arm around Molly. "Now I remember why I love you."

"If he doesn't like football," Tristin remarked, "why is he playing?"

"They needed another player," Alice explained. "Taylor paid him thirty bucks."

"Damn, is that all?" Emma asked. "He shoulda haggled for more."

"Considering how many injuries he's about to sustain, I'd have to agree," Alice nodded.

Down on the field, Taylor blew the whistle, and Joey got trampled.

Tristin flinched.

oooooooooooooooooooooooo

Jess sighed as he walked into his house late that afternoon. "Rory?"

He got no answer.

He shrugged out of his coat and hung it in the closet, before walking into the kitchen.

Rory was sitting at the table, staring at the bottle of pills that sat in front of her.

He stood silently, staring at her seriously.

Finally, she looked up at him. "Why didn't you tell me?"

He didn't reply.

"Come on, Jess," she said. "I thought we were past this."

"I was going to tell you," he muttered.

"When?" Rory snapped, getting to her feet. "When were you going to tell me?"

He didn't reply.

She shook her head. "You are unbelievable."

"Maybe."

"Jess!" she yelled. "I'm your wife! We're married! You're supposed to be able to tell me these things!"

"What was I supposed to say!" he growled, angrily. "Hey, Rory! Want Chinese for dinner? Oh, by the way! My heart is fucked up!"

She stared at him harshly, before storming out of the kitchen, and to the front door. He heard it slam shut.

Jess groaned, and made to go after her, but Alice appeared in the doorway to the kitchen, blocking him, a couple of tears ran down her cheeks.

"Ali…"

She shook her head, and, like her mother, rushed out of the house.

He blinked rapidly, and stumbled, hitting a chair before connecting with the floor.

In seconds, everything went black.

ooooooooooooooo

"Jess?"

"Jeez, how long has he been out?"

"I left at five."

"Five? It's six now! Jess? Come on, you stupid kid, wake up."

"Dad?"

"Stay back a little, Ali."

"Did I do this?"

"No."

"Of course not!"

"I did this…I ran out all mad, and left him here alone and if I'd stayed-"

"You had a right to be angry. He's sick and he didn't tell anybody."

He felt light fingers run through his hair. "Please wake up…"

He groaned and tried to sit up without opening his eyes.

"Dad!"

He squinted his eyes open, just in time to see Alice lunge at him and wrap her arms around him.

"I'm sorry I ran away from you," she said.

"I'm sorry I'm a jerk," Jess croaked out.

"You are a jerk," Alice replied, sniffling a little.

Jess sighed and wrapped an arm around her. "I know."

Rory let out a breath and rested her head against Jess's shoulder.

oooooooooooooooo

"Tachyarrhythmia."

Tristin squinted from his seat on his bed. He held the cordless phone to his ear. "What's that?"

"It's a condition that makes your heart beat too fast," Alice explained. "It has all sorts of crazy symptoms, not the least of which is passing out, which he did tonight."

"Is he gonna be okay?" Tristin asked.

"Yeah…as long as he does regular medication and check-ups, and takes it easy," Alice said.

"Why didn't he tell you?"

Alice groaned and flopped back down on her own bed. "Because he's Jess Mariano. He never tells anybody anything."

"So, your dad is an asshole," Tristin surmised.

Alice smirked. "Yeah. But he's my dad."

"You still mad at him?"

She nodded a little. "Yeah, I think I am…I just…need to get over it."

ooooooooooooooooo

"Still mad?"

Rory sighed and turned from her book to Jess, who was sitting in bed beside her with his own book.

"More scared than mad," she admitted.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly.

"You should be," Rory replied.

"I am," Jess nodded. "I want to make it up to you."

She frowned.

"Whatever you want," he told her. "Name it."

Rory sighed heavily. "I want you to tell me everything that goes on with this."

He nodded.

"I want to go to doctor's appointments with you," she went on quietly. "I want you to start treating this marriage like a team effort. Not just for my sake, but for Alice's, and yours."

Jess gave another nod.

"You know damn well this can't work if you won't let me carry some of the weight."

"I know."

She turned to him and pressed her forehead to his. "And you know damn well that I love you too much to let you go through this alone."

He nodded against her forehead.

"Are these terms agreeable?" Rory asked.

"Yeah," Jess replied. "I've got a doctor's appointment tomorrow."

Rory smiled sadly. "I'll take off of work."


	12. What in God's Name is a Tisket?

A/N: Due to the fact that, on the show, they don't have any…I had to take liberties with Collin and Finn's last names. For all intensive purposes they are Collin Miller and Finn Anders. Shrug

A/N #2: So…I know chapters aren't usually this long, but…It just kept growing!

For Ari…who's amazing.

**Welcome to Wonderland #12: **_What in God's Name is a Tisket?_

Alice sighed as she made her way down the stairs and into the kitchen the following Saturday. "Hi."

"Hey," Jess replied, not turning from the stove.

She awkwardly sat down at the table and watched him make breakfast.

"Scrambled eggs, bacon, and chocolate chip pancakes with strawberries; chocolate syrup and whipped cream on top," he told her.

Alice frowned. "That's my favorite."

He nodded, still not turning around. "I know."

"You hate chocolate chip pancakes," Alice pointed out. "You like blueberry."

"I do." He began piling the food onto a plate.

"That's my favorite plate," Alice said. "With the Campbell's Soup ice skaters."

"Yup."

She sighed. "Dad…"

Jess turned to her and set the plate down on the table before taking the seat across from her.

She stared at him.

He sighed. "You're still mad at me."

"You lied."

"I didn't…lie," Jess said awkwardly. "I just…withheld information."

"Important information," Alice pointed out.

"You've got school," Jess said. "You've got Groin Boy, and the band, and work, and homework…I didn't wanna worry you; or your mother."

"So you told Aunty Gloria?"

He sighed. "I'm sorry. I didn't know how to tell you. It's a lot easier to spring these things on Gloria. She expects to get bad news from me."

Alice nodded.

Jess sighed again. "What's it gonna take? I've tried books, and food, and apologizing, I've tried quality time…how do I make this up to you?"

Alice slid the plate toward her, and thought about this for a moment, before smirking.

And Jess realized, all of a sudden, that he was in a lot of trouble.

oooooooo

Rory snickered as she watched Jess cook the next day.

"Stop that," Jess snapped. "This is ridiculous."

"It is not," Rory smiled. "It's the bid-a-basket festival. And she knew you would hate making her a basket, since you hate the thought of putting your daughter on an auction block."

He sighed and kept cooking.

"Besides," Rory said. "Tristin will be there. He'll bid on the basket, they'll have lunch and that will be that."

Jess turned around finally. "Yes, because that's exactly what happens all the time. To everyone."

Rory gave him blank stare.

He smirked. "You don't remember."

"I remember!" Rory protested. "I do!"

"Remember what?" Jess teased.

"The…obviously important event that you were just referring to!"

Jess laughed. "You have no idea what I'm talking about."

"I do so!" Rory cried. "Except…Dean bid on my basket …"

"Except that in junior year…"

"I…didn't…go?"

Jess narrowed his eyes. "You seriously don't remember."

Rory frowned.

"Huh." He went back to cooking.

Alice bounded into the kitchen, fresh from a shower, and looked between her parents. "What's up?"

"Your dad is mad at me," Rory pouted.

"Why now?" she asked, sitting next to her mother at the kitchen table.

"She forgot our first date," Jess replied.

Rory gave his back a perplexed look. "Our first date? Our very first date? You took me to Sniffy's and then we made out in the back seat of your car for two hours."

Alice slammed her head down on the table. "TMI!"

"What that has to do with the Bid-a-Basket I have no idea," Rory finished.

"We had a first date before that," Jess told her, turning around to lean against the counter.

"No, we didn't."

"We did," Jess replied.

"Nope."

Jess nodded. "So I spent ninety bucks on a basket of rancid food, just so you could forget about it twenty-odd years later?"

Rory paused. "Oh."

Jess nodded. "Uh-huh."

Rory blushed. "Oh, yeah."

"Yeah."

Alice blinked. "Huh?"

"I can't believe you forgot that," Jess chastised. "I feel so unloved. You never remember anything."

"Poor baby," Rory snickered. "So forgotten."

"Dad, is my basket done yet?" Alice asked, her head still on the table top.

"Yeah," Jess replied. "Just let me add the hemlock."

"Jess," Rory said warningly.

"We're not speaking," Jess smirked. "You forgot our basket date."

"It wasn't a date!" Rory cried. "I was still with Dean at that point!"

Alice's head shot up. "You dated Dean!"

Rory went silent.

Jess sighed. "Yeah, she dated Dean."

Alice's mouth dropped as she turned to her mother. "Dean? Emma's dad, construction worker Dean?"

Rory blushed.

"Gross!" Alice cried. "How come I didn't know this!"

"Because it's gross," Jess replied. "We were trying to spare you from the knowledge of your mother's bad taste."

"You are so awful!" Rory cried.

"And right," Jess added.

"So…what happened?" Alice asked.

"Your father happened," Rory replied. "He was so annoyingly persistent that I couldn't resist."

"How cute," Alice snickered sarcastically. "You sound like you're eighty."

"You better knock it off or I'll let him use that hemlock," Rory laughed.

Alice smirked at her mother. "Did you make a basket?"

"Your father wouldn't let me," Rory pouted. "He said he has dinner reservations for us."

"Which I do," Jess nodded. "We haven't had a night alone in a while."

Rory smiled. "You're right."

"You guys are getting all mushy again," Alice said, warningly.

Rory snickered and kissed Alice on the cheek. "You should go get ready. You don't have a lot of time."

Alice nodded and got up, rushing up the stairs to her room.

Both parents watched her go.

"Rory," Jess said hesitantly. "Listen…about…what you said…"

"When?" Rory asked quietly.

"Alice's birthday…"

"Forget it," Rory told him casually. "I take it back."

Jess shut his mouth, and watched his wife get up and leave the kitchen.

oooooooo

Alice met up with Joey and Emma on the outskirts of the crowd gathered at the gazebo. "Hey."

"Hey," Emma replied, wrapping an arm around her best friend. "You're late."

"She's a Mariano," Joey cracked. "They're all always late."

Alice stuck her tongue out at him, just as someone tapped her on the shoulder. She glanced behind her and smiled. "Hey."

"Hey," Tristin replied, giving her a peck on the lips.

"Tristin, I'm totally bidding on your girlfriend's basket," Emma said with a smirk.

Tristin shook his head, amused. "You won't win."

Emma giggled and kissed Alice on the cheek.

"Oh, gross," Alice teased. "Forrester cooties!"

Emma pulled away from her, a shocked expression on her face.

"I'm gonna get some weird illness," Alice said. "And lose all of my intelligence!"

"You suck," Emma snapped, giving her a shove.

Tristin wrapped an arm around Alice and rested his chin on the top of her head. "You're a piece of work."

"Yeah, you like it," Alice snickered.

"Welcome to the annual Bid-a-Basket festival!" Taylor's voice boomed.

"Am I late?" Molly asked as she ran up to join them.

"Very yes," Joey nodded.

"I will hold up a basket," Taylor instructed, "and place a starting bid. And then-"

Alice, Molly, Joey and Emma placed their hands against their mouths and made rather loud fake farting noises.

"Honestly, you four!" Taylor cried. "Can't you behave?"

"That'd be boring," Joey replied.

"Get on with it!" Emma, Molly and Alice chorused.

"First up, we have this-" Taylor stopped as he looked at the basket he was holding. It was bright pink with an equally bright blue handle. "Lovely…basket."

Emma smiled proudly.

"I'll start the bidding at two dollars," Taylor announced.

"Jerk!" Emma called.

"Well, it's not very tasteful, is it?" Taylor snapped.

"Your mom isn't tasteful!" Mike bellowed loudly from the crowd.

Taylor cleared his throat. "Two dollars."

"Seven!" Joey called out.

"I have seven, do I hear ten?"

"Ten!" Alice called.

Tristin gave his girlfriend an odd stare. "What are you doing?"

"Being mean," Alice snickered. "That basket is mine, Rygalski."

"In your dreams, Mariano," Joey laughed. "Fifteen!"

"Twenty!" Molly called.

"This basket isn't a very nice one, kids," Taylor pointed out.

"Twenty-five!" Joey called.

Tristin shook his head in amazement.

"Do I hear thirty?" Taylor asked. He waited for a moment. "Sold! To the curly-haired youth in the back!"

Joey glared at the girls. "You guys are so mean."

"God, it's funny when you sweat," Molly giggled.

"Our next basket is very small, but a nice one," Taylor announced.

"Oh! That's mine," Alice smiled. She tugged on Tristin's arm. "Bid on that one!"

"You're not lying, are you?" Tristin asked suspiciously.

"No, it's mine," Alice replied with a snicker. "I promise."

"I'm starting the bidding at five dollars!" Taylor called.

"Ten!" Tristin called out.

"Twenty!" called another voice.

"Fifty!" called another.

Tristin turned around and squinted. "Sixty!"

"Ninety!" called yet another voice.

Alice blinked and looked behind her, giving an odd stare to the three boys who had seemingly just arrived.

"One-fifty!" Tristin called.

"Three hundred!"

"My word!" Taylor cried.

"Five hundred!"

"Five-oh-one!"

"What the hell...?" Tristin muttered.

"Four-hundred clams!"

Mitchum Huntzburger the Second rolled his eyes. "We're already up to five-oh-one, you idiot!"

"Since when!" CJ Miller cried.

Liam Anders sighed impatiently. "Since you started paying attention to everything but the auction!"

Alice blinked at the three boys. "I should kill them."

Tristin shook his head. "I should kill them."

"Don't kill them!" Emma snickered. "They're funny!"

Tristin fumed.

Mitchum sighed and turned to his two best friends. "Here, how much money do we have altogether?"

Liam narrowed his eyes. "Well... I've got five-thirty...you've got...five-forty...and CJ has...four-hundred... that's…fourteen-seventy..."

"Do we have to spend all of it?" CJ whined.

"Nine hundred!" Mitchum called.

Tristin shook his head. "My father will kill me if I spend that much…"

Alice grinned. "Then don't worry about it," she told him, patting his hand.

"Who are those guys?" Tristin asked.

"Sold to the very well-to-do trio in the back!" Taylor cried.

Alice took Tristin's hand and led him over to the three boys. "Mitch the Bitch."

"Now, now," Mitchum said. "What have we said about that nickname?"

"Hey, Alice," CJ smiled.

She nodded. "Hi…so what brings you boys all the way out here?"

"Quite frankly, we're bored," Liam replied with a grin.

"So you dropped a ton of cash on a little of my father's cooking?" Alice asked.

Mitch smirked. "Well, Mr. Mariano is a damned good cook."

Alice shook her head and looked up at Tristin, who really wasn't looking toou thrilled. "Guys, this is my boyfriend, Tristin. Tristin, this is Mitch, CJ and Liam."

CJ blinked, looking hurt. "Boyfriend?"

"Boyfriend," Mitch stated.

"I'm crushed," Liam sniffled.

Alice crossed her arms. "Says the boy who tried to make me think I was a lesbian when we were eleven?"

"You were weird-looking then!" Liam whined. "I didn't know you'd turn out so hot!"

Tristin gave a harsh stare to Alice. "Are we done? Can we go now?"

She shook her head. "Nope. Town tradition says I gotta eat with the basket winner…s."

"Screw tradition," Tristin snapped.

"No-can-do," Alice replied.

Liam smirked at the other boy and put an arm around her. "She's ours for the day, mate. Sorry."

"How the hell do you know these guys anyways?" Tristin asked, still baffled.

"Their parents are friends of my mom's from college," Alice replied. "I've known them since we were little." She shoved Liam off of her. "They have yet to mature."

Mitch smirked and shook his head. "Why don't all five of us go to lunch?"

Alice brightened up. "Yeah!"

Tristin sighed.

oooooooo

Joey sighed as he and Emma took a seat on his front lawn. "So…go picnic! What did you make me?"

"Dog poo," Emma joked.

Joey pouted.

She snickered and opened up the brightly-colored basket and pulled out two plastic bags with sandwiches in them.

"Is that…?

Emma smiled and nodded.

"Peanut-butter, marshmallow and strawberry jam sandwiches!" Joey cried as he snatched one. "You're the best girlfriend ever!"

Emma grinned and took her sandwich out of the baggy, just before Joey leaned over and kissed her with a "Mmmwah!" noise. She giggled and shook her head.

He took a bite out of his sandwich and nodded. "Perfect."

Emma smiled and bit into her own sandwich.

ooooooo

"So then, Liam runs over to Digger Stiles and pretends to sneeze, and squeezes the open ketchup packets and it sprays all over the guys."

Alice snickered, along with CJ, as Mitch finished up the story. Tristin looked bored.

"Oh!" Alice laughed as she took a bite out of her sandwich. "Do you remember when Gigi was around?"

CJ nodded. "I remember. Didn't I smack her on the ass?"

"You smack everyone on the ass," Mitch pointed out.

"But she was the first," CJ mused.

"She tried to kill you," Alice smirked.

"Like she could run in those heels," Liam remarked.

"So how's boarding school?" Alice asked.

Mitch sighed. "Oh…you know…sucky."

"Aww, poor bastards," Alice mocked. "When do you think your parents will let you go to a school closer to home?"

Liam smirked and shrugged. "Soon, hopefully…although I'm sure Louise will loathe having to look after me."

"Aw, come on," CJ replied. "Your mom is hot."

Liam threw a potato chip at his friend.

Alice giggled and Tristin shook his head.

oooooooo

Jess sighed as he sat at his computer, working on his latest article. He glanced at his wife, who was sitting a few feet away at her own desk and computer, doing her own work.

He swiveled around in his chair to face her back.

"What, Jess?"

He blinked. She hadn't seen him turn. "Uh…Can we talk?"

"Sure," she muttered, typing on her computer.

"It'd be a little easier if you looked at me," Jess said.

"I'm busy," Rory said.

She didn't turn around to see the hurt look in his eyes.

"Fine," he said quietly, turning back around to face his computer.

Rory sighed as she kept typing, until an Instant message window reading "Hi," popped up on her screen.

The screen name read Price!Yeah.

She sighed and turned her chair around. "Jess…"

"I'm working," he replied.

"You wanted to talk!" Rory cried. "You just instant messaged me!"

"Busy."

She groaned in frustration and picked up a blank sheet of paper, crumpling it up and throwing it at Jess's head.

He flinched and turned around with a glare. "Hey!"

"You are such an asshole!" Rory cried.

He shrugged.

"You wanted to talk, so talk!"

He stared blankly.

She rolled her eyes and turned back around.

A moment later, she heard him typing, and a moment after that, she received another instant message.

Rory didn't bother to read it. She merely closed the window, and blocked Jess's screen name.

Her screen name vanished from his buddy list and he sighed, got up and left the room.

Rory frowned sadly, but didn't go after him.

ooooooo

Alice smiled as she hugged Liam goodbye. "Drive safe."

Liam smirked and kissed Alice on the forehead. "Be good."

Tristin sighed and watched Mitch walk up and kissed Alice delicately on the cheek.

"See you later, Alice."

"Bye, Mitch."

CJ rushed up and hugged her. "Bye, Alice!"

She snickered and hugged back. "Bye. Have a good drive, guys, keep in touch."

They got into the car, and drove off.

Alice smiled and turned to Tristin, who was glaring. "Uh…what?"

"Them," Tristin replied.

She looked completely dumbfounded. "What?"

"They completely crashed our picnic, and they were all over you the entire day!"

Alice frowned. "Oh…"

"You could have told them to leave."

"I'm sorry…You didn't say anything…"

"Are you blind!" Tristin cried angrily.

"Back off, Tristin!" Alice cried back.

"God! You're my girlfriend!"

"They're old friends of mine!" Alice yelled. "I haven't seen them in a while! If you were so god-damned offended by their presence you should have said something!"

"Excuse me for believing you more perceptive than that!"

She stayed silent.

"And here's that awesome silent treatment!" Tristin yelled. "God! Grow up, Alice!"

She looked down and crossed her arms. "I'm sorry, okay? I didn't know you were so pissed off. I'm not a mind reader."

Tristin nodded and sighed.

Alice uncrossed her arms and shrugged. "I don't know what you want me to do now…"

He shrugged back awkwardly.

"You're still mad," Alice nodded.

"I love that you can selectively tell when I'm pissed off," Tristin snapped.

"If you're gonna be a dick, I'm gonna go home," she told him.

"I feel like I have the right to be a dick!"

She rolled her eyes.

"You owe me."

"Fine," Alice replied. "I owe you. What do you want?"

ooooooo

"Mitch, Liam and CJ crashed our picnic!" Alice yelled as she walked in the door that evening. "And now Tristin is super-pissed at me, and I owe him, and apparently, the only way to pay off my debt is to have dinner with him and his father!" She rushed up the stairs to her room and began digging through her closet. "And I don't know what to wear, and I don't know how to act, and I'm kind of afraid of this guy because he's a big old Harvard graduate-lawyer guy and if I say something stupid it might just get me dumped!"

Jess blinked and leaned into his daughter's doorway. He was wearing a suit, but no tie. "Huh?"

She turned around and held up two different dresses. "Green or blue?"

He opened his mouth, but no words came out.

She rolled her eyes. "You're no help! MOM!"

Rory walked over and squeezed into the doorway next to Jess, while putting a pair of nice earrings on. "What?"

"Green or blue?"

"Where are you going?"

"The Dugreys' house," Alice replied.

"Green," Rory nodded. "Blue is a Chilton color. He'll be less likely to call you Mary if you wear green."

"Mr. Dugrey is gonna call me Mary?" Alice asked, perplexed.

Rory shrugged. "Mary Junior."

Alice gave them a helpless look.

"Act like your father," Rory smiled. "You should be fine."

"What if the guy hates me?" Alice asked.

Jess shrugged. "Who cares? Do you know long it took your grandparents to actually like me?"

Alice stared at them blankly. "Man, the past is just flying out of your mouths today."

Rory sighed. "Jess, where's your tie?"

"Not wearing one," he replied.

"Jess…"

He shook his head and walked off.

Alice blinked. "What is with you guys lately?"

Rory frowned. "We've hit a rough patch…"

"That sucks," Alice replied. "Can you close the door so I can change?"

Rory nodded and closed the door. She turned and watched Jess put on a pair of nice shoes in their bedroom. "Hey, Jess?"

"Yeah?"

She bit her lip. "Maybe we should stay home."

He looked over at her quizzically. "We've been planning this for weeks…I thought you wanted a night out."

"I did…I do…" Rory shook her head. "But we're not exactly on good terms right now, are we?"

"Do you wanna be on good terms?" Jess asked.

She nodded.

"Then talk to me."

"You first," Rory replied.

Jess sighed and got to his feet. He leaned on the doorframe of their bedroom and stared at her. "Are you gonna brush me off?"

She shook her head.

He nodded slowly. "I uh…I think I want another baby, too."

She crossed her arms a little.

"I uh…I'd never thought about it before," he told her softly. "I just thought…" he sighed. "If you don't feel that way anymore then, forget it. But…if you do…then…"

Rory frowned and slowly walked toward him placing a hand on his chest. "What about your heart…?"

He brushed his nose against hers as she came closer. "You heard what the doctor said. As long as we don't try and go through the entire Karma Sutra, I should be fine."

She kissed him briefly and nodded.

"BLIND!"

They both looked over to see Alice, fully changed into her green dress, her hair put up nicely, with hand hands over her eyes.

"Do you need a ride to Tristin's?" Jess asked.

"No," Alice replied, keeping her hands over her eyes. "I'll take the car."

"Well, open your eyes when you drive," Rory commanded.

Alice nodded, and made her way down the stairs and out the door, shutting it behind her.

Rory turned back to Jess and smiled, as she wrapped her arms around him. "Maybe we should stay in."

Jess smirked. "Huh."


	13. Crunch!

**Welcome to Wonderland #13**_-_ _Crunch! _

"So was Tristin Senior as sexy as Tristin Junior?" Emma asked as she pulled a large carton of ice cream out of the refrigerator in her kitchen.

Alice cringed. "The guy is going bald…and he kept calling me Mary Junior…which, by the way, the green dress was supposed to prevent."

"Too bad," Emma pouted. "If he were as sexy as his son, I woulda-"

"Hi!" Joey cried, dropping his spoon on the kitchen table. "Boyfriend sitting right here!"

Emma smiled at Joey and kissed his cheek.

Molly sighed and buried her head in her arms. "At least you two have boyfriends," she lamented. "I'm still single. I think the two dads thing throws people off."

"You'll find someone," Alice reassured her. "It's not like you're fifty and alone. You're only sixteen."

"That's right," Emma's father said from the kitchen door. "You guys are only sixteen…so why is there a boy present at your sleepover."

"He's just like one of the girls," Alice defended. "We love our Joe!"

Emma smiled at her father. "Dad, Joey always comes to our sleepovers."

Dean glared at the boy. "May I suggest sleeping on the other side of the room as my daughter?"

Joey paled.

0000000

"I liked this idea," Rory sighed as she rested against Jess. "This whole 'dessert before dinner' thing…I could get used to it."

Jess nodded and kissed the top of her head. "Remember that when you're giving birth."

Rory snickered and smacked his bare chest lightly. "Horrible."

"Always," Jess replied, kissing her neck. "Boy or girl?"

"Hm?"

"Do you want a boy or a girl?" he asked.

Rory sighed and pulled him closer. "Doesn't matter…I think maybe another girl might be nice…but then…I hear boys are easier to handle; more predictable…and then I think that this is our kid we're talking about…and since when would any or our offspring be predictable in any way?"

"True."

Rory sighed and kissed Jess's lips softly. "I love you."

"You wanna go again?"

Her eyes widened. "Already!"

"What, are you getting old?" Jess asked.

"Is that a challenge?"

"Hell, yes."

She pushed him against the bed and kissed him deeply.

0000000

Monday morning arrived swiftly, and they all ran around like chickens with their heads cut off.

"MOM!"

"WHAT!"

"WHERE'S MY SKIRT!"

"What do you mean!" Rory cried from the kitchen. "Don't you have five!"

"I can't find them!" Alice yelled. "OH! They're under my bed!"

"So your daughter," Rory muttered as she kissed Jess on the cheek.

"Well, we'll just have to hope that the next kid makes a list for every little detail," Jess replied, as he read the newspaper."

"Next kid?" Alice asked curiously as she ran down the stairs carrying her shoes.

"Uhm…" Rory stammered. "Alice…Your dad and I…"

"Have been going at it like bunnies on speed all weekend," Alice finished. "I know. Why do you think I spent the entire weekend at Emma's?"

Jess sighed. "We're…"

Alice raised an eyebrow.

"We're trying to have another baby," Rory finished for him.

Alice stopped rushing around the kitchen and stared at them.

They stared back.

She giggled. "Good one, guys!" She grabbed a bagel from the refrigerator and kissed both her parents. "Bye!"

Jess watched her head to the door. "Bye…"

Rory blinked and looked up at Jess. "Well…"

Jess shrugged. "I gotta get to work."

"Yeah, me, too."

Neither of them moved.

Without a word, Jess grabbed Rory and kissed her deeply.

"This is not what I call going to work!" Rory laughed.

"Not technically, no," Jess replied. He took her hand and began to lead her up the stairs.

"You bad boy."

"That's why you fell for me in the first place," Jess retorted.

"No," Rory replied. "It was the book in the back pocket." She smacked his backside on the way up the stairs, making him go faster.

0000000

Alice sighed as she placed her books into her locker before class.

"You know…you do look excellent in that skirt."

Alice whirled around in surprise to find Mitch standing behind her, decked out in a Chilton-issued uniform. "What the-"

"Hi," he smirked.

"What are you doing here?" Alice asked.

"We got out of boarding school," Mitch smiled.

"We?"

"ALI!" CJ jumped on her, and she slid to the ground.

"Ow! CJ!"

Liam chuckled as he walked up. He offered Alice a hand, which she gladly took.

"You guys transferred here?" Alice asked, bewildered.

"Mitch?"

The boy turned around and smiled. "Madison."

She smiled, too, and ran up to hug him. "Oh, Mitch! I didn't know you were coming here! Mom didn't say anything!"

"Mom doesn't know," Mitch confessed. "Dad didn't tell her."

Madison frowned. "Isn't that a little dangerous?"

"You know Logan," Mitch smirked. "He lives on the edge."

"Alice?"

She turned around to see Tristin. "Hi," she replied nervously. "Uh…you remember the guys."

Tristin nodded slowly. "What are they doing here?"

"We transferred," Liam smiled. "Decided we wanted to see more of our Alice."

Madison smiled. "Tristin, Mitch is my brother." She turned back to him. "I can't believe you're here!" She hugged him again.

"Mitch is older by like…a minute," CJ explained to Tristin.

"What's your schedule look like?" Alice asked, snatching Liam's class list. "Hmm…You've got English with us."

"The dreaded Medina," Madison nodded. "His Shakespeare test is this week."

"No problem," CJ smiled. "Shakespeare is my bitch."

"Oh, CJ," Alice shook her head. "You poor, clueless bastard."

0000000

Max Medina sighed at his students. "Alright. So we're all aware that the Shakespeare exam is on Saturday. Eight AM sharp. If you're late, you can't take the test. I mean that. Now, usually I give everyone the same test…but in the past couple of years I've had some issues with kids cheating, so everyone will have a different test on a different play, or portion of Shakespeare's life."

"No sweat," Mitch muttered to Liam.

"In addition to the written portions of the tests," Mr. Medina went on. "The essays, the short answers, the multiple choice, and the matching, each of you will have to recite a speech from one of Shakespeare's plays."

"Holy-" CJ muttered.

"I'll assign those at the end of class today." Mr. Medina smiled and opened up his text book. "Now! Henry the Fifth! Where were we?"

0000000

"I got the Poor Uric speech," Tristin lamented as they walked out of class.

Madison frowned. "I got Helena's speech from Midsummer."

Alice smiled. "I have Juliet."

Mitch blinked at Alice. "You seem so…happy…"

Alice snickered. "'Shall I speak ill of him that is my husband? Ah, poor my lord, what tongue shall smooth thy name When I, thy three-hours wife, have mangled it?

But wherefore, villain, didst thou kill my cousin? That villain cousin would have killed my husband. Back, foolish tears, back to your native spring!'"

Mitch stared in shock. "You freak of nature."

Madison smiled at her brother. "We'll help you."

Tristin narrowed his eyes.

0000000

Alice gave her great-uncle a bright smile.

Luke glared. "What do you want, Alice?"

"Nothing," she replied, trying her best to be innocent.

"Alice…"

"Can we have use of the apartment tomorrow night?" Alice asked quickly.

"We who?" Luke asked warily.

"Myself, Madison, Mitch, Liam, Charlie, CJ and Tristin…"

"Those are a lot of boys' names," Luke pointed out.

"But CJ is like a sister!" Alice pleaded. "Please? We need some place quiet to study…the apartment is perfect."

"Will you be sleeping there?" Luke asked.

"Maybe…yes," Alice admitted. "But it's completely innocent. Mr. Medina's Shakespeare test is killer, and-"

"Medina?" Luke asked, looking up from pouring coffee.

"Yeah!" Alice replied. "Our English teacher."

"Uh…" Luke blinked. "Uh, sure. Yeah."

"Yeah?" Alice asked hopefully.

Luke nodded. "Yeah."

"YES!" Alice pounced her uncle and hugged him tightly. "Thank you!"

Luke sighed. "You owe me."

000000

"Hi, Mom…"

"What is it, Madison?" Paris Gellar asked as she sifted through the files on her desk.

"I just wanted to let you know I'm home," Madison replied quietly. "And uh…I saw Mitch today."

Paris looked up. "Mitch? As in your brother?"

Madison nodded. "He and Liam and CJ transferred to Chilton."

Paris sighed. "That father of yours…full of surprises."

Madison crossed her arms. "I guess so…"

"Is that all?"

"I'm going to be in Stars Hollow tomorrow night," Madison replied. "Studying with Alice for my English exam."

"That's fine," Paris nodded. "Will you be sleeping over there?"

"Yeah," Madison nodded. "Is it okay if I take the car?"

"That's fine. Just bring it back in one piece."

Madison nodded. "Okay, Mom. Bye."

Paris nodded back.

000000

Alice sighed as she perched herself on the roof of her house with her cell phone to her ear. The night was surprisingly warm for October. "You can't possibly blame this on me."

"No, I know," Tristin replied on the other end of the line. "I don't have to like it, though."

"Mitch, Liam and CJ are nice guys," Alice pointed out. "Just get to know them."

He sighed. "Sure…Hey, where are you?"

"On my roof," Alice replied.

"What!" Tristin cried. "Are you okay? What are you doing on the roof?"

Alice sighed. "Well…Mom and Dad have been a bit…frisky lately."

There was a pause.

"Gross!"

Alice giggled. "Yeah, it is…but…you know it's kind of cute sometimes."

"You're weird."

"I am," Alice agreed. "I'm a weird, weird girl."

"So, what?" Tristin asked. "Are they trying to have another kid or something?"

Alice blinked. "Holy god!"

"What!"

"I thought they were kidding!" Alice cried.

"They are?" Tristin asked.

"They told me that this morning!" Alice said, still loud. "I thought they were joking!"

"Why would you think that?" Tristin asked with a laugh.

Alice sputtered. "I don't know!"

"Well, may I suggest you wait until they've done their current business before going to talk to them?"

Alice groaned. "Shut up."

A window opened and Jess poked his head out. "Hey."

"It looks like they're done," Alice said into the phone. "I'll talk to you tomorrow." She hung up the phone and looked to her father. "Hi."

"Dinner's ready," Jess said.

Alice nodded slowly and began to climb back into the window. "Are you okay?" she asked, looking at him as he stepped out of her way. "You look kind of pale."

"I'm fine," he replied. "Come on."

Alice frowned and followed. "Hey, Dad?" she asked as they descended the stairs.

"What?"

"You and Mom weren't kidding when you said you wanted another baby…were you?"

Jess stopped and turned around, running a hand through his hair. "Uh…no."

"Oh."

He sighed.

Rory walked to the foot of the steps and gave them an odd stare. "What's the hold-up? I'm hungry."

Jess turned to Rory seriously, and Alice crossed her arms.

"Oh," Rory said quietly.

"It's cool," Alice said quickly. "I mean…I'm not…I've never thought about having a sibling…It might be kind of cool…"

Rory nodded. "Well…we'll see."

Both Jess and Alice nodded back, and stood in silence on the stairs.

"Well?" Rory snapped playfully. "Come on! Food!"

Alice smirked and walked past Jess to wrap an arm around her mother and walk into the dining room. Jess sighed and walked to catch up with them.

000000

The next afternoon, Madison rang the doorbell and a maid answered.

"Uhm…I'm here to pick up Mitchum?" Madison stuttered.

The tall woman before her nodded, and led her into the foyer. Madison looked around the unfamiliar home she'd spent the first four years of her life in and sighed.

"Madison?"

She turned and smiled a little at the middle-aged blonde standing in the doorway. "Hi, Dad."

Logan walked up to her and gave her a tight hug, and then a kiss on the cheek. "It's so good to see you. You look great."

She blushed. "Thanks…"

"I like your hair long," he told her. "Makes you look older."

Madison smiled. "Thanks…Is Mitch around?"

Logan sighed. "Hold on." He pulled a cell phone from his pocket and dialed a number. He put it to his ear and waited. "Hey, where are you...? Your sister is here to pick you up. Well, tell CJ and Liam to hurry up and put some pants on. Okay. See you in a few."

Madison raised an eyebrow.

"They were in the pool." Logan explained.

"Ah."

They stood in silence.

Logan cleared his throat. "You know…you're welcome here anytime…"

"I know," Madison nodded. "Thanks."

Logan nodded back. "How's school going?"

"Good," she said. "I'm in the top five percent."

Logan smiled. "That's great. How are you friends?"

"Fine," Madison replied awkwardly. "I mean…yeah, they're fine."

"No boys I have to buy shotguns for?"

"N-no, Dad…no boys."

"Girls?"

Madison blushed. "Dad…"

"Sorry," he chuckled. "As long as you're happy."

"Of course she's happy!" Mitch cried, making his way up to them. "She's got us around again."

"Hi," Madison said.

"Hey, Sis," Mitch smiled. "The guys are gonna drive in CJ's car, so it's just us."

"CJ has a car?" Madison asked worriedly.

"You know Collin," Logan pointed out.

"Isn't that a bad idea?" Madison went on. "I mean…he's the poster child for why children with ADHD need Ritalin…"

Logan smirked. "I wouldn't worry too much."

They heard the squeal of car tires and the roar of an engine outside.

Mitch grinned. "Let's roll."

000000

Alice led the group into the diner and grabbed one of the bigger tables. "Everybody sit, and we'll get started after dinner."

Luke grimaced as Alice walked over to get an order pad. "I don't like all of them up there in the apartment all night."

"Mmm," Lorelai nodded as she swallowed a mouthful of coffee. "You know they're gonna have a giant orgy. I heard Alice talking about it."

Luke glared.

"And there's gonna be heroin," Lorelai nodded. "Lots of it. And only one needle."

He rolled his eyes. "Why are we still together again?"

"Because you loooove me," Lorelai grinned.

Luke groaned, and watched as Alice took her friends' orders. He then turned to Lorelai. "Hey…did you know that Max Medina is Alice's English teacher?"

Lorelai blinked. "Uh…"

"You knew."

"No," Lorelai blurted out. "Maybe. Yeah, I knew."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Luke asked.

"It wasn't a big deal," she replied. "He called Rory's to talk about Alice's behavior and I answered the phone. I didn't see why you would wanna know."

Luke sighed. "Woulda been nice."

She frowned. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine," he replied quickly. Luke glanced at the table with Alice's friends and glared. "Hey! Stop messin' around with the salt shakers! You break it you bought it!"

"I could buy this whole diner if I wanted to," CJ muttered.

Madison kicked him.

"OW!" CJ cried with a squeak. "What gives!"

"Don't be an asshole," Madison snapped.

"He can't help it," Tristin pointed out. "It's natural."

"Hey, now," Alice cut in as she dumped a few more menus on the table. "Cut the crap, guys."

"Make me, Mommy," Mitch grinned.

Alice rolled her eyes and shoved a napkin into his mouth. He choked.

0000000

Hours later saw the group holed up on the floor of the apartment above the diner, in their pajamas, with books cracked open, and paper and pens out.

"This is so boring," CJ complained.

"I think it's rather interesting, actually," Liam replied, turning a page. "Though I think it needs more sex."

"You couldn't exactly get away with smut onstage," Charlie pointed out.

"Why not?" Liam asked belligerently.

Tristin snorted. "Don't you pay attention? All of the actors were guys."

Liam blinked. "Well then. Never mind."

Mitch smirked and stole a glance at Alice, who was ensconced in her own book. "Hey, Mariano."

"Hm?"

"We should do a Romeo and Juliet scene together for extra credit," Mitch suggested.

"In your dreams, Burger," she muttered, still reading.

Tristin pulled her closer and she rested her head on his leg as she read.

Madison sighed and yawned.

"You're totally gonna fall asleep first," CJ snickered.

"I am not," Madison replied, opening up her book again. She blinked a couple of times, trying to keep her eyes open.

Everyone snickered.

00000000

A random alarm went off and Alice's eye blinked open suddenly. She looked around at her friends, all asleep on the floor around her, and then at her watch.

Her eyes nearly fell out of her head.

"SHIT!"

Tristin groaned. "Alice…"

"It's seven-thirty!"

"What?" he asked, opening his eyes.

She shoved her watch in his face. "It's seven-thirty!" Alice got to her feet and began waking everyone. "Come on!" She kicked Mitch, and stepped on Liam. "Get up! We're gonna be late! We're gonna be dead! Oh, my god!"

"Ow!"

"What the hell, Alice?"

"Up! We have exactly a half-hour to get to school and take that test!"

All of them sat up, crying out hurried phrases.

0000000

Luke whirled around as the group of teenagers ran down from the apartment in their pajamas, carrying backpacks. They hurried from behind the counter and out the door.

Luke stared before running after them. "Hey!"

"Can't talk!" Alice cried. "Gonna be late!"

"Don't you want coffee?" Luke asked.

"Yes! I would love coffee, but I'm going to be late, and I can't be late cause then I can't take the test, and that's bad, that's really, really, really, really bad!"

Luke watched as she hopped into Tristin's car, and drove off.

0000000

In his many years of teaching, Max Medina had never seen anything like this.

Seven of his students had walked in for their Shakespeare exam dressed in their pajamas, and, in some of the boys' cases, their underwear.

Alice Mariano sat in her usual seat, wearing a maroon shirt with the words "Ben Folds five" on the front, and "Kiss My Ass" written on the back, and a pair of low-slung sweatpants. Next to her sat Mitch Huntzburger. He wore a pair of red and white checkered boxer shorts, which looked to be silk, and a gray tank top. The rest of the group was dressed much the same.

Max blinked. "What are you doing?" he asked them. They were ten minutes early.

"Getting ready to take our test," Liam replied, scratching at his short messy hair.

"In that?" Max asked, panicked.

"In what?" Madison asked. She looked down at her powder blue pajamas with the flying pigs on them. "Oh…Uh…"

"I can explain," Charlie said, getting up. "We all spent the night together, studying, and we woke up really late, and didn't have time to get dressed. But! We're here on time! And that's what counts!"

Max watched as most of the group readied their materials and sifted through notes last minute. They looked exhausted, and he was reminded of another time when something like this happened.

He sighed. "Test starts in ten minutes. I want books away then."

"You got it, Teach," Alice grinned. She turned to talk to CJ, and automatically turned back around. "Dammit, CJ! Close your legs! I don't wanna see that!"

CJ looked down at his boxers and then rolled his eyes, closing his legs. "Please, like no one can see your nipples. Get a bra."

Alice blushed and wrapped her arms around her chest.

Max put his head into his hands. "Oh, my god…"

0000000

When Alice got home that afternoon, she sighed and dropped her book bag by the front door. She trudged into the kitchen and slumped down next to her father.

"How'd the test go?" he asked.

"Fine."

"Really?" Jess asked. "Huh."

Alice raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"We got a call from your headmaster. Something about inappropriate attire." Jess glanced up from the book he was reading. "Kinda like the pajamas you're wearing."

She blushed and tried to look innocent. "Whoops?"

Jess nodded slowly. "Yeah. The headmaster has called everyone in for a meeting."

"Everyone?" Alice asked quietly.

"Everyone," Jess nodded again.

0000000

Rory sighed as she walked into Chilton once more with her husband and daughter in tow. "I swear this test is cursed."

"What do you mean?" Alice asked as they walked down the stairs.

"She failed it," Jess replied.

Alice stopped walking. "No way!"

"I was late for the test," Rory muttered.

"You failed it!"

Rory blushed. "Let's just get this over with."

"Legend has it that your grandmother made the biggest scene in Chilton history," Jess went on.

"No way!" Alice repeated.

"Okay!" Rory cried. "No more talking about the only test in my entire educational career that I flunked. Got it?"

"Touchy," Jess smirked as he wrapped an arm around his wife. "I flunked lots of tests."

"That's because you didn't care."

They chattered more as they made their way to the hallway outside of Headmaster Charleston's office. Voice became clearer as they got closer.

Specifically the voice of Paris Gellar.

As they turned the corner, they found Paris standing in front of Madison.

"This is unacceptable!" Paris cried. "What were you thinking, showing up in your nightclothes!"

Madison shrank back a little. "I'm sorry…we were running late…we didn't think…we just left."

Alice frowned and walked over to sit next to Tristin, who was being glared at by his very angry-looking father. "Hey."

"Hey," Tristin nodded. "I think the shit's hit the fan."

"Something like that," she nodded. "What's with your dad?"

"Silent treatment," Tristin explained. "He's pissed. What about your parents?"

"Well…apparently, my mother flunked the test we took, and my dad flunked a lot of tests in high school…they're not very angry. Man, look at Madison. She looks like she's going to cry."

"If that were my mother, I would cry too," Tristin said.

"Where's Charlie?" Alice asked.

Tristin shrugged. "Couldn't get a hold of his parents, so he didn't come."

"Lucky."

At that moment, Logan rushed into the group of people.

"Hey, Dad," Mitch said with a smirk.

"You couldn't grab a pair of pants?" Logan asked, obviously annoyed.

Mitch rolled his eyes. "Like you've never shown up to class in your underwear."

Rory had to smirk at this statement. "He's got a poi-"

"Don't say, it Ace," Logan snapped.

"We did have underwear days," Finn reminisced.

Liam gave his father a rather disturbed look.

"That was college," Collin pointed out. "This is a private high school."

The door the office opened and a secretary peeked out, looking over her glasses at the group. "The headmaster will see you now," she told them, and then disappeared to the other side of the door again.

"Does that mean all of us?" CJ asked, slightly fearful.

"No, I think it's just us adults," Louise replied, patting her son's best friend on the hair. She sighed as she looked at the door. "I hate that office."

Rory nodded in agreement. "Me, too."

Paris rolled her eyes. "Let's just get this over with."

000000

Headmaster Charleston sat down at his desk after greeting each of the parents. "I'm glad all of you could make it on such short notice."

Off to the side of the desk, Max Medina observed the parents.

"Unreasonably short notice," Collin snorted. "I was in the middle of a meeting."

"Your children showed up to their exam in incredibly inappropriate attire," Charleston told them. "Consequences must be discussed."

"Boring," Finn muttered with a yawn. Louise elbowed him.

"With all do respect, Headmaster," Rory said. "It is a Saturday. Leniency would be-"

"I suggest you stay out of this argument, Rory, seeing as how you have a biased opinion on the matter," Charleston cut her off.

Jess narrowed his eyes at the older man. "Don't talk to my wife like that."

"Yeah," Logan snapped. "Don't talk to our…ace like that."

"How dare you address the Virgin Mary in such a manor," Tristin chimed in. As angry as he was at his son, this was bound to be entertaining.

"The fact of the matter is," Charleston snapped. "That your children broke the rules."

"At least we looked sexy!" cried Liam's voice from the hall.

Louise couldn't help but smirk. "He has a point. We have pretty children."

"They got here on time," Rory argued, ignoring Louise completely.

"May I say something?" Max asked.

"No," Paris, Tristin and Rory snapped together.

"See here!" Charleston cried.

Rory stood up suddenly, fire blazing in her eyes. "You see here! You got away

with denying me my right to take that test! I was five minutes late! Five minutes! My kid showed up on-time!"

"Unprepared," Max interjected. "They were a distraction to the rest of the class."

"You don't need a skirt to take a test!" Rory yelled.

Logan, Finn and Collin all snickered, but Jess looked a little worried.

"Rory…" 

"Ours kids were awake all night studying for this stupid test!" Rory went on,

ignoring everyone around her. "Just like I was!"

"And they were unprepared!" Charleston countered. "Which means they were late!"

"Bullshit," Rory snapped back.

Paris's eyes widened at her friend. "Rory!"

"Mary, Mary, quite contrary," Tristin said, completely stunned.

"You go, girl," Louise grinned.

Finn snickered more. "I love it when she gets angry."

Jess sat back. "It's moments like this when I remember the many reasons I

married her."

It was at the moment when Charleston exploded. "I have the right mind to expel those children! Not only do they disobey the rules, but they show no remorse!"

"I dare you," Rory snarled. "You'll have a lawsuit on your hands so big you won't know what to do."

"I beg your pardon!" Charleston cried.

"Rory…" Max said warningly.

"I love you," Jess told Rory quietly. "Have I mentioned that lately?"

"They still need to be punished in accordance with school rules!" Charleston cried.

"Fine! Suspension!" Rory replied.

"We can do laps around the school naked if you like!" Liam called loudly.

"Don't say that," CJ snapped. "It's October!" 

Paris snarled in frustration. "That's it! Everyone out!" She proceeded to throw everyone out of the room, and then slammed the door behind them.

Rory glared at the closed door, clenching her fists.

Jess wrapped his arms around her. "That was hot."

She sighed and shook her head, and let him kiss her forehead.

Alice walked over and gave her mother an odd look. "Who are you and what have you done with my mild-mannered mother?"

Rory rolled her eyes.

"What's going on, Dad?" Mitch asked Logan.

"Your mother is…doing what she does best," he replied, sitting in-between his kids.

"I think I'm adopted," Madison said.

Logan smirked and wrapped an arm around her. "In your sweetest dreams."

Tristin walked over to stand in front of his son. "As pissed off as I am at you…that was pretty funny."

The younger Dugrey smirked and nodded. "This mean you're gonna be nicer to Alice?"

His father shrugged. "You never know. Stranger things have happened."

Tristin Junior smirked and shook his head.

"That was fantastic," Finn raved. "Brilliant. I say we go in and do it all again."

"Can I come in this time?" Liam asked.

Louise shook her head and sighed.

Paris walked out of the office a moment later. "One week's suspension."

"Sweet!" Mitch cried, jumping to his feet. He rushed over and hugged Paris. "You're the best mommy in the whole world."

"You're going to come to work with me," Paris told him. "This is a punishment. Not play-time."

Logan smirked and looked to Madison. "Which means I get my little girl all to myself!"

"Oh, I don't think so," Paris replied. 

Logan gave a flustered look. "Well, if you get Mitch, then-"

"She's not going to be coddled for getting into trouble," Paris snapped. "There are consequences, Logan!"

"It's not a big deal, Paris!"

"It is a big deal!" she yelled. "They got into trouble! And you're just going to take her sailing or-"

"Why don't you get off of your high-horse for once in your life and see what's really going on!" Logan cried back. 

Rory, having calmed down, stepped in-between them. "Come on, guys, not in front of the kids-"

"My high horse!" Paris snarled, ignoring Rory completely. "What about you! You're the one who thinks he can do anything and get away with anything! You're the one who spoils our children and makes them think it's okay to disobey the rules!"

Logan narrowed his eyes. "At least I don't work them like pack-horses and take any and all enjoyment out of everything they do! You don't think I hear stories from Madison about how you treat her!"

"I teach her responsibility and hard work!" Paris defended. "Which is more than I can say for you! You are turning our son into a complete playboy! Spoiled, selfish and completely arrogant! Just like you!"

Madison had had enough. She got to her feet and rushed out.

Mitch sighed and rushed over her. "Mad..."

After watching their children rush out, Logan and Paris glared at each other. "Look what you did!"

000000

Mitch sighed as he sat back in his chair at Luke's. Jess and Rory had driven he and Madison back to Stars Hollow with them. He tossed a French fry at Alice.

Madison tried to smirk as Alice threw it back.

"Come on, Maddy, Cheer up," Mitch coaxed.

"Trying," she replied, taking a sip of her tea.

Alice wrapped an arm around her just as the door opened and Logan rushed in.

"Hey, guys," Logan said awkwardly, walking over to them. "Thought I might find you here."

Madison stared at him a moment, before getting up and leaving.

Mitch rolled his eyes.

Logan sighed and sat next to Mitch.

"Where's Mom?"

"She stormed off," Logan replied. "Wouldn't talk to me anymore." He glanced at his son. "I wish you two hadn't just split like you did."

Mitch shrugged. "Jess and Rory said we could hide out here as long as we needed to."

Logan nodded. "They're probably pissed, too…Listen, Mitch-"

"You're sorry, I know," the younger Huntzburger interrupted. "This isn't anything new, Dad."

"Still sorry."

Jess walked down from the apartment staircase, glanced at Logan, and went to work without a word.

Logan sighed and got up to sit at the counter. "You're so pissed off right now."

"Yup."

"I'm sorry, Man."

"You know better," Jess replied plainly. "You're not eight."

"I know," Logan muttered.

Jess sighed this time. "Where'd Madison go?"

"Ran."

"Huh."

Logan bit his lip. "Rory mad?"

"Yup."

At that moment, Rory walked down the stairs, smacked Logan upside the head, and then stormed back up the stairs.

"Ow!" Logan yelled. "Wench!"

"You deserved that," Jess said as he rung up a customer.

Logan rolled his eyes. "I'm gonna go find Madison."

000000

"You were saying?"

Rory sighed and sat back down next to her mother on the old leather couch in the dusty apartment above the diner. "I was saying…Jess and I have made a pretty big decision."

"Which would be…?"

Rory bit her lip.

"Come on," Lorelai said, exasperated. "You can't leave me hanging like that. It's just not right!"

Rory grinned. "It's a good thing."

"Okay, what kind of good thing?" Lorelai asked. "Bigger house? Are you getting a puppy? Are you finally buying a leash for Jess?"

Rory's grin turned into a smile. "We're trying to have another baby."

Lorelai blinked. "I…what?"

"We're trying for another baby," Rory repeated. She smiled still. "God, it feels good to finally really tell someone. I mean, we told Alice, and everything, but she didn't believe us, and then it was awkward, but-"

"Wow," Lorelai said. "Wow. You guys…you really want another kid?"

Rory nodded. "We do. We feel like it's the right time. It's something we both want."

Lorelai smiled. "I'm gonna get to spoil another kid."

0000000

"Hi."

Madison sighed and shifted away from her father, who had just taken a seat in the gazebo next to her.

"You're mad," Logan said.

She said nothing.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"No you're not," Madison replied quietly. "If you were, this wouldn't keep happening."

Logan groaned. "I just hate it when she tries to make you into her."

"I'm not her."

"I know that," he said. "I just hate seeing her put all this pressure on you."

Madison said nothing again.

"I'm sorry."

She frowned. "I know."


	14. Suspended Adventures

Welcome to Wonderland Chapter 14: Suspended Adventures

Jess sighed as he pulled up the driveway of Paris Gellar's home. He'd taken Alice and Mitch with him to work; Alice, because she'd wanted to, and Mitch, because Paris was too busy. She had instructed Jess to torture Mitch has much as possible, as they were suspended, and should not be allowed to have any fun.

But this, of course, was Jess Mariano.

He glanced into his rearview at the tall blonde boy. "So…I got lazy and didn't do the whole torturing thing. Personally, I don't care if you guys dress up as circus clowns as long as you actually go to class."

Alice snickered.

"So…what do I tell my mom?" Mitch asked.

Jess shrugged. "Tell her I made you watch old episodes of the Sonny and Cher show…or…that I made you file things…or something."

Mitch frowned. "She's not going to believe me."

"Cry," Jess snapped. "Cry like you've never cried in your life. Cry like your trust fund is completely used up and you are now poor as dirt."

Mitch smirked and saluted as he opened the car door. "Yes, sir."

Alice smirked and waved at Mitch. She watched as his smirk transformed into the saddest expression she'd ever seen. She even saw his eyes tearing up. "Wow, he's really good at that."

Jess nodded as he put the car in drive. "Good boy, Mitchy. Good boy."

Alice giggled more and turned up the stereo as they sped off.

------

"Madison!"

She blinked and looked up from the book she'd been reading. She was still having trouble getting used to her father's enormous house. It seemed to be ten times the size of her mother's, with a tenth of the breakables. It was entertainment based, mostly, with an indoor pool, and an entire room devoted to a giant television and a slew of plush couches.

"Maddy!" her father's voice called from the front hall again.

Madison got to her feet, and made her way out of her room, and down the stairs, her book in hand. "Yes?"

Logan smiled. "Hey. You been locked up in your room all day?"

She nodded. "I'm suspended."

"Yes," he nodded back. "You're suspended. Wanna go to the movies?"

She gave him a confused look. "But I'm-"

"Suspended," he finished. "I know. But I'm bored."

Madison giggled. "You could do work."

"That's boring," Logan whined. "Let's do something! Oh! Hey! There's this great new restaurant in Manhattan that just opened up. I've heard they have the best chestnut ravioli around."

Madison smiled a little.

"Come on," Logan coaxed. "You still love that stuff, right? You remember when you were four, and we went to Tuscany? It was the only thing I could get you to eat."

She nodded. "I remember."

Logan smiled widely. "And then we could go to a movie…or a play…or go shopping…"

Madison put up a hand. "I really don't need to go shopping."

"Sure you do!" Logan said. "Oh, come on! I barely get to spend any time with you. Do you want a pony? I can totally get you a pony."

"Dad!"

"Books! You love books!" Logan went on. "You're holding one right now! I could take you on a book spree. Any book you want. Hardbacks, paperbacks, books that don't exist anymore."

"You're proving Mom right, you know," Madison said softly. "Mitch is probably having the worst time ever."

"I don't care," Logan replied. "I don't care what Paris thinks of me. All that matters right now, is that my favorite daughter-"

"Only daughter," she corrected.

_"Favorite_ daughter is here for a week. I have her all to myself for an entire week for the first time in god knows how long. I don't want her to spend it locked up in her room," he finished.

They stood in silence, until Madison sighed and marked her page in her book. She slowly grinned. "Can I wear something pretty?"

"You're always pretty," Logan replied. "You're my kid."

------

"Mitchum!"

"No!"

Paris sighed and tapped her foot. "Mitch! Come on! We have a reservation to keep!"

He rolled his eyes as he made his way down the hall to the front door. "I thought I was grounded."

"You are," Paris snapped. "But…you must be hungry, lugging around all day with Jess and Alice."

"Yeah, I guess," Mitch nodded, looking at his feet.

Paris shook her head. "Jess didn't make you do anything at all, did he?"

He tried his best to keep from smiling.

"So? You sat around all day?" Paris asked.

"I played video games," Mitch offered quietly.

She groaned. "I should kill Jess." She watched her son rock back and forth on his heels and toes. "Oh…who am I kidding…your father was right…It was ridiculous to get upset over what happened…"

Mitch finally smiled. "Kinda."

"Come on," she sighed. "Let's go to dinner…then we'll…I don't know…what is your favorite movie?"

"Octopussy," he replied automatically. He blinked and shut his mouth, wondering why he just said that to his mother.

She stayed silent, before nodding. "Fine…we'll…watch…that. After dinner."

"Promise not to complain?" Mitch asked.

"I…"

He grinned. "Come on…"

Paris rolled her eyes. "Fine. Fine! Can we go to dinner now? Please?"

Mitch gave another grin, and opened the front door. "After you."

------

The four of them sat in the master bedroom, waiting.

Alice stared at her mother. "You really peed on a stick?"

"That's what a pregnancy test is," Rory replied evenly. "You pee on a stick."

"Ew."

"One day you'll have to pee on a stick, too," Lorelai said.

"Don't say that," Jess snapped. "Don't ever say that. She's never peeing on a stick."

"Aw, Jess doesn't wanna be a grandpappy," Lorelai snickered.

Rory gave her mother a confused look. "Did you just say 'grandpappy'?"

"It's a good word," Lorelai said.

Jess turned to Alice. "You're never peeing on a stick."

"You got that right," Alice replied. "That's just weird."

At that moment, the timer on Rory's phone went off, and all four of them fell silent.

Rory took a deep breath and got up. "Okay…let's look at the stick."

"That you peed on," Alice added.

"Stop it," Rory ordered. "This is a very somber moment."

"You peed on a stick."

"Stop acting like your uncle Luke," Lorelai said. "It's weird."

"So is peeing on a stick," Alice muttered.

"Can we look at it already?" Jess asked.

Rory sighed and picked up the stick. She closed her eyes, and turned it over. "I can't look."

"Yes you can," Jess said, getting up and walking over to her. "Open your eyes."

"No."

"Please?"

"I can't look."

Jess sighed, and looked at the test. "Negative."

Rory's eyes flew open. "What!"

Jess smirked. "Kidding."

"It's positive?" Lorelai asked, getting up.

Rory turned around with a nod and smile. "It's positive."

Lorelai squeaked and rushed over to hug her daughter. "Oh! Congratulations! I'm so happy for you guys!" She took the stick from her daughter and looked at it with a grin. "Yay."

"Aw, Grandma, don't touch the pee stick," Alice whined. "Ew."

"Get over here and celebrate," Jess ordered. "Your mom's knocked up."

Rory hit him in the arm. "Jess!"

Alice smirked and got to her feet, hugging her mother. "Congratulations. Can you throw the stick out now?"

"Nope," Rory giggled. "We're puttin' it in your room."

Alice pulled back with a frightened look on her face.

Lorelai laughed and wrapped an arm around her granddaughter. "So easy."

-----

"Logan! Hello!"

Logan glanced up from his plate of pasta to see his mother standing over their table. He sighed and slurped up his food, before swallowing it. Loudly. "Mom. Hi."

Shira Huntzberger smiled tightly. "What brings you here tonight?"

"Food," Logan replied obviously.

Madison cleared her throat quietly to get the older woman's attention. "Hi, Grandma Shira."

"Hello, Dear," Shira replied uninterestedly. "How is business, Logan?"

Madison sank in her seat.

"Fine," Logan replied shortly. "If you'll excuse me, Mom, I'm trying to have dinner with my daughter."

"Where is Mitchum?" Shira asked.

"He's with Paris for the week," Logan replied.

"What is he doing there?" Shira asked. "Why isn't he here?"

"He's spending time with Paris," Logan said. "And Madison is here. By the way, she's fine. She's getting wonderful grades, and she's very lovely. You'd know if you looked at her. Now. Please."

Shira eyed her granddaughter warily. "She's far too skinny. Her hair is dull, and her dress looks like it was bought at a two-for-one sale. Honestly, Logan. Letting Paris raise her? What were you thinking?"

"Hey!" Logan cried indignantly, getting to his feet. "That's my kid you're insulting! You take that back!"

"You're far too old to make a scene, Logan," Shira sighed.

"Like that's ever stopped me," he snapped. "Apologize!"

"I can't," Shira said.

"What! Why!"

"Because she's gone," Shira pointed out.

Logan whirled around to find Madison's chair empty. "Dammit!"

-----

They'd decided to order in when the line at Paris's favorite café wound up being ridiculous. Mitch was in the middle of his fourth slice of pizza when his phone rang. He put his plate down and turned it on, putting the movie on mute. His mother had tried to watch, honest, but she'd fallen asleep.

"Hello?" he asked quietly.

"M-Mitch?"

He sat up. "Madison?"

"Hi."

"What's wrong?"

"I…" she sighed and sniffled. "I went out to dinner with Dad…and Grandma showed up…and she said mean things…and then Dad tried to make her take them back…and I ran…"

"Where are you?" Mitch asked.

"In the restaurant's bathroom," she said quietly.

"Madison?"

She blinked and sniffled.

Mitch squinted. "Was that…Dad?"

"Yeah…"

"In the lady's room?"

"Yeah."

Mitch burst into laughter. "Call me when you get home, okay?"

"Okay," she said quietly. "Bye."

"Bye, Sis." He turned off the phone and snickered, picking up his pizza again.

------

Madison hung up the phone and sniffled.

"Maddy?"

She got out of the stall she'd been hiding in and blinked at her father. "What are you doing in here?"

"I came to talk to you," Logan said. "I wanted to apologize for your grandmother…"

"It's not your fault," Madison said quietly. "She's always like that."

"She shouldn't be," Logan replied. "You're not too skinny, and your hair is pretty, and the dress is great. Really."

"Thanks," she said quietly.

He sighed. "I'm really sorry."

"Can we just leave?"

Logan nodded. "Yeah. You need to wash your hands?"

"I didn't actually use the toilet," Madison muttered.

Logan smirked and wrapped an arm around her, leading her out of the girl's room, and bumping right into his father. "Dad…"

Mitchum Huntzberger blinked. "Logan. Madison."

Madison blushed.

"Is there…something you'd like to say, Logan?" Mitchum asked, glancing at the lady's room emblem on the door behind them.

Logan grinned. "I needed to change my tampon."

Madison elbowed him. "Bye, Grandpa." She took her father's arm and dragged him out of the restaurant.

Logan cracked up into laughter. "Do you realize we just dined and dashed!"

Her eyes widened. "What!"

"I didn't pay," Logan laughed more. "Wow! My little girl, the bad seed. Someone has been hanging out with the Mariano clan way too much!"

"We are going back in there to pay!" Madison cried. She took his arm again, and began to drag him back in.

Logan laughed harder. "Madison! Wait!"

"The worst night of my whole life."

"Madison!"

"I hate this family so much."

"Maddy!"

"What!"

"I was kidding," Logan grinned.

She stared at him. "I'm walking home."

"Oh, Maddy, come on."

"Bye, Dad."

He sighed and rushed after her, "Take a joke!"

"Grow up!" she snapped. "God just…You can't revert to a pre-teen every time your parents show up!"

"What are you talking about?" Logan asked.

Madison turned around to face him. "When it's just me…or me and Mitch…you act like a dad. Like an adult. Every time we see Shira and Mitchum, you flip out, and turn into an eighth-grader! You can't keep doing this!"

He merely stared at her.

She sniffled a little and wiped her eyes. "Can we just go home now?"

Logan nodded slowly. "Yeah…come on…" He patted her shoulder gently and led her to the car.


	15. Smell My Feet

_Welcome to Wonderland Chapter 15: Smell My Feet_

Liam Anders sighed with the utmost confidence as he stood in front of Alice Mariano, Joey Rygalski and Emma Forrester. He knew he'd find them in the Gilmore's garage, practicing. He'd heard Alice when she was at school, saying she had band practice on Tuesday nights. "I have a favor to ask."

"If it involves nudity, I think you know what your answer is going to be," Alice replied with a straight face.

"Sadly, no," Liam smirked. "No nudity involved. I actually have a gig for you three."

Joey blinked. "A gig? As in playing instruments and singing? At a place?"

"At my house," Liam nodded. "My parents are out of town from October thirty-first to November Fifth. I am having a Halloween party, and I need a band."

Alice shrugged. "You couldn't hire some top-notch party band?"

Liam sighed. "Alice, come on. You know kids at our school. You can tailor the play list to what they listen to, and this way I get to sit in."

Emma stared. "Sit in? You? What do you play? The skin flute?"

"Guitar," Alice corrected. "He plays guitar. What makes you think you're good enough to play with us?"

Liam smiled widely. "Because I am."

Alice smirked. "Last time I heard you play, you asked me what a chord was."

"I got lessons," Liam insisted. "I'm better now."

Joey glanced at Alice, and shrugged.

She picked up her guitar and held it out to Liam. "Let's hear."

Liam stared at her, and then took the guitar. "Gotta pick?"

"Nope," Alice replied. "Picks are for sissies."

Liam narrowed his eyes. "Are not. They give the guitar a different sound."

"You're just afraid of getting blisters," Alice teased. "Sissy."

"I am not!" Liam argued.

"Ah, the age-old question," Joey smirked. "Does using a pick make you a sissy, or just mean you like a different guitar tone?"

"Sissy," Alice repeated.

"Excuse me for having nice hands!" Liam snapped.

Emma laughed.

"And the winner is," Joey chuckled, "sissy."

Liam grumbled, and took a pick from his pocket. "Are you all quite finished?"

"Sorry, Liam," Alice snickered. "I love you like family…it's just too easy to call you a sissy."

He grumbled. "You wouldn't think I was such a sissy if I whipped out my-"

Alice put up a hand. "Just…play."

Liam was about to put pick to strings, when there was a knock on the garage door. All four teens looked up, and Emma blinked.

"Mike?"

"We gotta talk," Mike snapped to his sister.

Emma sighed, and got up from her drum set. "Keep going you guys, I'll be right back." She followed Mike away from the garage and wrapped her arms around herself protectively. "What's up?"

Mike shrugged. "Dad kicked me out."

Her eyes widened. "What! Again!"

"He found my stash," Mike said. "He told me to pack my shit and get out."

Emma frowned. "So…but where are you gonna go?"

"Wherever," he shrugged again.

"Wherever?" Emma snapped. "That's not a real answer, Mike. That's crap. What're you gonna do? Where are you gonna live?"

Mike rolled his eyes. "What's with you? All of a sudden you need to be my mommy?"

"I'm just worried about you," Emma muttered. "You're my brother, and-"

"And you're just like Mom and Dad," he snapped. He shoved his hands into his pockets and turned to leave.

"Call me?" she asked hopefully.

"Whatever."

She watched him go and then headed back into the garage, past Alice, Joey and Liam, to her drum set. She sat down, picked up her stick, and slammed them against the crash symbols loudly.

"Em?" Alice asked worriedly.

"Mike's on his way out of town," Emma spat. She picked up her purse, and shoves her drumsticks into it. "I'm gonna go home."

Joey nodded. "Alice can work with Liam…you want me to walk you home."

"Could you?" Emma asked, sniffling.

Joey nodded. "Of course." He pulled his bass off and set it on its stand. He wrapped his arm around her.

Alice hugged her as she passed her. "Call me, okay?"

"Okay."

Alice watched them go and then turned back to Liam.

"Who's Mike?" he asked, when the couple had left.

"Emma's asshole brother," Alice frowned.

Liam frowned back. "Sucky."

"So, play, Sissy-Boy."

00000

"So he's leaving again, huh?"

Emma nodded. "Things weren't that bad," she said quietly. "I mean…they weren't getting along that badly. He was getting along really well with Mom, and he and Dad were…well…okay, I guess. I don't know."

Joey sighed. "Well…they have a history, and your dad isn't exactly the most forgiving guy ever."

"True," she nodded. "He still hates Alice's dad."

"Exactly."

They stopped in front of her house, and Emma crossed her arms. "I just hate that he's leaving again. I might never see him again. It's not like he calls."

"Maybe he's not worth all the worry," Joey shrugged.

She narrowed her eyes. "He's my brother."

"Yeah, but he obviously doesn't think too much about you, and-"

"I can't just write him off! He's my brother! He's family!"

Joey sighed. "I know. I'm just worried that-"

Emma rolled her eyes. "Goodnight, Joey." She turned with a flip of her blonde hair and headed up her driveway.

"W-" Joey shook his head. "Do you have to do the flippy thing with the hair, and…Emma, come on! I'm sorry!"

"Goodnight!"

He groaned and stormed away.

00000

"We should tell them," Jess said again as he followed his wife around their house.

"I know," Rory replied. "I know we should tell them, but I don't know how and I don't know when."

"It won't be that hard."

She sighed and grabbed her keys. "It will. You know it will."

"We're adults," Jess said. "And we're married. We already have the parenting thing down pretty well, since Alice isn't a cannibal or anything. It's not like we're going into this completely blind."

"To them, we will always be little kids," Rory replied as she pulled her coat on. "And they will always know what's best for us."

"You," Jess corrected. "Richard and Emily are really only concerned about you."

She frowned and kissed him softly. "And I am concerned about you. Are you feeling okay this week?"

Jess nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine. A little tired…I think it's the medication."

She kissed him again. "I'll see you at Luke's."

He nodded. "I'll see you then. Have fun."

She smiled and rushed out the door, walking down the front walk and the driveway to her mother's wait jeep.

Jess stretched and wandered to the office to finish off some work.

00000

"So she got mad, huh?"

Joey nodded as he went about putting a new poster on his wall. "Oh, yeah. She did her whole hair flip as she walked away from me."

Alice nodded from her spot on his bed, playing with his bass. "Never a good sign."

"How did Liam's audition go?"

"He's good," Alice replied.

"Is he?"

"He's very good."

"How good is very good?"

Alice just nodded.

"So…we're playing the Halloween gig?"

She nodded again. "Looks like."

Joey blinked and sat down next to her. "We have to wear costumes, don't we?"

Alice smiled. "Just wear ratty jeans, a leather jacket, a screwed up t-shirt and fuck your hair up. You can be Sid Vicious."

"I'm too cuddly to be Sid," he replied. "He'd roll over in his grave."

She rolled her eyes. "That man has probably rolled over in his grave so many times that it doesn't even matter anymore."

Joey nodded, and then blinked. "Hey, Alice…isn't Halloween on a Friday?"

She blinked. "Shit!"

00000

Jess blinked at Alice. "You're going to tell Richard and Emily Gilmore that you can't come to Friday Night Dinner because you're playing guitar in your band at an un-chaperoned, under-aged kegger?"

The diner was emptying out, except for their group, and Kirk, who never seemed to leave, these days, even though he had a wife and baby at home.

Alice nodded as she took a bite out of her burger. "Pretty much."

"And that would fly in which universe?" Lorelai asked.

"The very happy one in my head," Alice replied. "Where pigs fly, and they never did that horrible remake of Cheaper by the Dozen."

"The original was bad, too," Rory pointed out.

"But not as bad."

Jess gave his wife's plate of food an odd stare. "You're eating salad."

Rory nodded. "Your powers of observation never cease to astonish."

"You hate salad."

"I don't."

"Yeah, you do," Alice said. "You've always hated salad. When I was little, you and Dad used to fight about whether you should force me to eat salad."

"Look, I'm pregnant, okay! The weird cravings have started early!"

Luke nearly dropped the plate of food he was carrying. "You're what!"

Rory and Lorelai gave each other nervous looks.

"We forgot to tell Luke, didn't we?"

"Yeah, we did," Rory nodded.

"Wait, he's Jess's uncle. Jess should have told him!" Lorelai cried as Luke rushed over. "Jess forgot to tell you."

"Why is everything my fault?" Jess muttered.

Luke turned to Rory. "You're pregnant?"

"Yup."

"Again."

"Yup."

"And it's his," Luke pointed to Jess.

"Nope. It's totally Jake **Gyllenhaal**'s." 

Lorelai giggled. "He's just so dreamy."

Luke turned to Jess. "How did we get stuck with these two again?"

"You got me," Jess shrugged.

"You're really pregnant," Luke said, turning back to Rory.

"No, I'm just gonna eat like a pig, blow up like a hot-air balloon and then shoot a baby out in about nine months," she grinned. "It's no big deal; although congratulations would be nice."

Luke leaned down and hugged her. "Congratulations."

Rory smiled and hugged back. "Thank you."

00000

Alice jumped up and down as she watched her grandmother work on the old costume they'd dug up in Rory's old room.

"Your parents are going to kill me for sending you home so late on a school night," Lorelai muttered as she worked diligently at her sewing machine.

"They may hurt you, but I don't see death in your near future," Alice grinned as she flopped down onto the couch.

Lorelai grinned. "You must be pretty psyched for your gig, huh?"

"Oh, yeah," Alice nodded. "Gotta love Liam's short notice. We have to come up with a set list while we drive there."

"I bet that's part of the fun."

Alice smiled. "Yeah, kinda…I don't know how he's pulling it off so last minute, though."

Lorelai snickered. "If you understand nothing else about your peers, understand this: When someone says party, they'll come running. Trust me. I went to a school just like Chilton when I was your age."

Alice giggled, and watched as her grandmother finished up the white dress. "Uh…Grandma?"

"Hm?"

"Isn't that a little short?"

Lorelai blinked at the dress. "I had to take it up, because you're shorter than your mom was when she wore this."

Alice nodded slowly. "Right…"

"What? It was too long!"

"If they weren't going to kill you before, they will now," Alice snickered.

Lorelai pouted.

00000

"Okay," Rory said, turning to Lorelai and Alice. "We smile, we chat, we eat, and we leave. I go drop Alice off at Liam's, with her gear and her costume, which is all in the car, and Mom and I go home and watch a movie."

Lorelai pouted. "I still don't see why we let the boys get out of this…"

"The diner was swamped and Jess had work to do," Rory replied solidly. "We can handle this. It's not going to be that bad. Grandpa's out of town."

"Are you going to tell Grandma tonight?" Alice asked.

"No," Rory said. "I'm gonna wait until your Dad and Grandpa can be here."

Lorelai sighed. "She's gonna know we're all up to something."

"You're not up to something," Alice pointed out. "You're just along for the ride."

Lorelai pouted. "I miss the days when I was up to something."

Alice snickered as the door to the Gilmore Manor opened and a fresh-faced maid appeared.

"Hello."

"Hello, Victim," Alice said, grinning.

Lorelai snickered and Rory nudged her daughter. "Hi, we're here for dinner."

The maid nodded and let them in.

Emily walked in and blinked. "You're all here early."

"No," Rory said. "We're here on time."

"Which is early," Emily said. "What are you doing here on time?"

"We thought we'd mix it up a little," Lorelai smiled.

"Where are Jess and Luke?" Emily asked.

"Swamped with work," Alice told her. "Dad has like…ten things to get into the magazine by tomorrow and the diner looks like a sardine can. It's crazy. I wanted to stay and help but Mom said I had to come to dinner."

"She's laying it on thick," Lorelai muttered to Rory.

"She's a Mariano," Rory nodded. "They're good at it."

00000

Jess sighed and leaned back in his desk chair with the phone to his ear. "No, Gloria, I don't know where the hell Jamie is…" he yawned. "I'll keep an eye out, I promise. Yeah…how's Frankie? Good! Yeah, that's great. Yeah. No, they're at Friday night dinner…I begged off." He nodded. "Yeah…"

The doorbell rang.

"Hey, that's the door, probably with my dinner. I'll call you tomorrow, okay? Okay. Bye." Jess hung up the phone and got up to walk to the door. When he opened it, he rolled his eyes. "Jeez…"

"Jess!"

"Jamie."

"Trick or treat, Bitch? How ya doin?"

"Tired."

"Mr. Straight and Narrow's all tired from his busy day at work."

Jess sighed. "Gloria's looking for you."

"Always is."

"When're you gonna give up this stupid shit, Jamie?" Jess asked.

Jamie rolled his eyes and walked into the house. "When hell freezes over."

Jess shook his head. "You want a beer?"

Jamie grinned. "You know the answer to that."

00000

Emily watched Lorelai, Rory and Alice eat in silence. Something was going on. She knew it. "So," she said. "How was everyone's week?"

"Fine."

"Fine."

"Fine."

Emily frowned. "Alice, how is school?"

"Fine."

"I like your hair. Those pigtails are cute on you."

"Thanks."

They ate in more silence.

Emily huffed. "Alright. What's going on?"

"What do you mean, Mom?" Lorelai asked.

"All three of you are being silent and monosyllabic," Emily said.

"The verbal thing comes and goes," Rory and Alice said in unison, and then glanced at each other.

Emily rolled her eyes. "Something is going on. What is it?"

'Nothing, Grandma," Rory said.

"I got a D on my last test," Alice blurted out.

"That's horrible," Emily cried. "Are you getting lazy?"

Alice shrugged. "Guess so."

"You didn't tell me you got a D," Rory said.

"Science is a bitch," Alice shrugged again.

"Don't say that word," Emily ordered. "You should ground her, Rory."

"Did you tell your father?" Rory asked.

"Nope."

"What happened?" Lorelai asked.

"Just had a brain fart."

Emily glowered. "Must you use fowl language at the dinner table?"

Rory put her fork down. "Did you really get a D?"

"B-," Alice grinned. "But it might as well be a D."

"A B- isn't that bad," Lorelai assured her.

"Why would you lie about that?" Emily asked.

"To keep the conversation going," Alice said.

"That's terrible," Emily scolded.

Alice nodded. "I'm a terrible person."

"What is really going on here?" Emily asked. She turned to Lorelai and Rory. "One of you is hiding something and Alice is trying to cover for you."

"That's not true," Lorelai said. "We would never have Alice cover for us."

"Very nice, lie to me more," Emily snapped. "But what else can I expect? You've been lying to me your whole life."

Lorelai sighed. "Mom…"

"And Rory learned it from you," Emily went on. "And Alice learned it from both her parents."

"Leave Jess out of this, please," Rory said.

"Is he what this is about?" Emily pried. "Are you getting a divorce?"

"No," Rory said desperately.

"Separating? Spending time apart?"

"No!"

"Why won't you just tell me?"

"Because I wanted Jess to be here," Rory's voice cracked.

Emily went silent for a moment. "Oh, my god. You're pregnant."

Rory rested her elbows on the table and put her head in her hands. "Yes, alright? I'm pregnant."

There was dead silence for another long moment.

"That's horrible!"

Lorelai's eyes widened. "Mom!"

"Jeez!" Alice cried.

Rory said nothing.

"You're doing amazing things at work and then he gets you pregnant!" Emily cried.

"That's not how it happened!"

Emily glared. "Don't defend him, Rory."

"Mom, stop," Lorelai snapped.

"I love him!" Rory yelled, getting to her feet. "I love him and I was the one who wanted another baby!"

"Why on earth would you want another baby?" Emily asked.

Rory's calm broke completely. "Because. I want one. I want another child, and Jess does, too. And I want Alice to have a little brother or sister. I want to change diapers, and get up in the middle of the night and potty train and stick my finger in his or her mouth when he or she is teething. I wanna wipe spittle, and arrange play dates, and kiss booboos and enforce bath time and naps! I want to teach him or her how to walk and talk and say silly words like…conundrum and…supercalifragilisticexpialidocious! I want a baby, dammit, and I'm having one!"

Her grandmother, mother and daughter stared at her in shock.

Rory burst into tears again, and rushed away. "Excuse me."

Lorelai got up immediately to follow her. "Rory!"

"Ten points, Gran," Alice muttered, going after them.

00000

"So you gonna tell me what you're doing here?"

Jamie shrugged and played with the bottle of beer he held in his hands. "Just needed to get away for a while."

Jess grinned a little and sat down at his desk. "Gee, I thought you used jail for that, James."

Jamie glared. "Shut up."

Jess frowned and stared at his friend. "You're thinking of leaving."

"No."

Jess rolled his eyes.

"Okay, maybe."

"Why?"

Jamie sighed. "Because I feel stuck, man! The same stupid job, coming home to the same stupid apartment, with the same girl and the same kid every night."

Jess glared and leaned forward. "What's wrong with that?"

"I don't know if it's what I want."

"So…what, Jamie? You wanna move around a million times a year, sleep with every girl you meet and have a thousand children?" Jess asked.

"No!" Jamie cried. "Jess, I'm not like you. I can't be tied down like you are."

"I'm not tied down," Jess snapped. "I like my life. I love Rory and Alice."

"You're not who you were twenty years ago," Jamie pointed out.

"And you are," Jess countered. "Maybe that's the problem. You know, Gloria called here looking for you just before you showed up."

He rolled his eyes. "Sheesh…"

"You can't just take off on people, Jamie."

"That's rich, coming from you."

"Hey!" Jess cried. "It's been a good long time since I pulled that."

"You still pulled it."

Jess shook his head. "Go home and grow up, Jamie."

00000

"Are you sure?" Lorelai asked.

Rory nodded and breathed slowly. "I'm fine, Mom. I'm just gonna go home."

"You could leave your car here, and we could drive Alice to her party, and then we could go home," Lorelai offered.

Rory shook her head. "No…just…Thanks for taking Alice to her party. I'm gonna go home."

Lorelai nodded and watched Rory walk to her car and get ready to drive off.

"What party?" Emily asked as she walked out of her front door.

Alice grinned from Lorelai's jeep. "A kegger!"

Emily's eyes widened. "What!"

"It's not a kegger," Lorelai jumped in. "It's a costume party. Her friend Liam is throwing it."

"Oh, it's a kegger," Alice grinned wider. "Beer, beer, and more beer!" And then she burst into song. "Alcohol, my permanent accessory! Alcohol a party-time necessity! Alcohol, alternative to feeling like yourself. Oh, Alcohol I still drink to your health!"

Lorelai sighed. "Oh, boy."

"What is she singing!" Emily cried.

"IIIIIII Love you more! Than I did the week before! I discovered alcohol!"

Lorelai shook her head. "You know she's doing this because of what you did to Rory."

"I was honest with Rory," Emily pointed out.

"You were mean," Lorelai said. "And you turned something that should have been amazing into something awful."

"I don't think they need, nor can they handle another baby," Emily replied.

"Well, it doesn't matter what you think, it's what they want."

"Alcohol, would you please forgive me? While I cannot love myself, I'll use something else!"

Emily turned to Alice, eyes blazing. "DO YOU MIND!"

Alice switched songs, and sang louder. "Well they'll stone you when you're trying to be so good. They'll stone you just like they said they would…"

Lorelai sighed. "Great. Barenaked Ladies to Bob Dylan. Goodnight, Mom."

Emily sighed heavily. "Goodnight, Lorelai."

00000

"Hello?"

Jess looked up from the untouched beer sitting on his desk. He got up and walked out to the front hall where Rory was pulling off her coat. "Hey. How was dinner?"

She gave him a drained expression.

"What happened?"

Rory crossed her arms. "Emily."

"Did you…?"

She nodded. "I told her. Grandpa wasn't there. He was out of town, and…I didn't even tell her. She knew something was up, and then she just…guessed it."

Jess nodded, and took her hand, guiding her to the couch in the living room. "It didn't go over well?"

"She thinks having another baby is a terrible idea."

He looked down. "Huh."

Rory slipped out of her shoes and sat back into the couch. "I…I yelled at her for it. I got so angry…" She took Jess's hand. "I really want this baby…and I know you do, too, and everyone has been so supportive, and Alice took it really well and having Grandma react the way she did drives me crazy."

Jess nodded and took her hand, rubbing his thumb over her knuckles. "It's over and done with now, just relax."

She took a deep breath and turned to him. "How was your night?"

He bit his lip and sat back against the couch as well. "Not as quiet as I'd hoped…"

00000

Alice walked into the Anders' mansion and was immediately shoved into a sea of people. She pushed through with her guitar case in hand. She'd changed into her costume in the car, a white sleeveless dress, which had a white bow at the waist and a skirt that was ruffled and went only to her mid thigh. Attached to the back of the dress was a pair of white, fluffy wings. She wore plain white sandals and a silver halo that was draped crookedly in her hair.

"Alice!"

She turned to see Emma rushing towards her in a see-through, pink dress, and combat boots, her blonde hair a mess.

"Em, what the hell are you?"

"Courtney Love," Emma grinned, her lips covered in a deep shade of red lipstick. "Nice angel costume. Kind of slutty, though."

Alice rolled her eyes. "My grandmother."

Emma grinned. "Come on."

She led her through the house to a huge room. All of the furniture had been moved, and a make-shift stage had been erected near the back. They headed over to find Joey setting up. He was wearing a pair of ripped jeans, boots, a dingy t-shirt and a plaid flannel shirt. Atop his head sat a blond wig.

Alice giggled. "Courtney Love…and Kurt Cobain."

Joey grinned. "You got it."

"You guys made up."

Emma smiled and patted Joey on the bottom. "I couldn't stay mad."

Joey blushed.

Molly popped up out of the mess of equipment. She wore a pair of leather pants and a tight top, with a wooden stake in her pocket and a silver cross around her neck. "Alice, you're here! Good! Help me!"

"Molly, you're…Buffy the Vampire Slayer?" Alice asked.

"Yes, okay! Big freaky cereal boxes of death and everything! Now help me! I'm trying to get you guys set up before show time!"

00000

"Oh! I'm sorry!"

Lorelai never could help herself when it came to candy. And her favorite Hartford drugstore had the best lemon drops that she couldn't ever find anywhere else.

A hankering for lemon drops was never to be ignored. But when one hankered for lemon drops, everything else got ignored.

Especially the people in the way of said lemon drops.

"Sorry! I didn't see…Lorelai?"

She looked up and blinked. "Max."

"Lorelai."

"Max."

He blinked. "I think we have that established."

She nodded. "Right. You're Max. I'm Lorelai."

"Right."

"Right."

"Right."

Lorelai bit her lip. "So…uh…wow, this is awkward…"

Max nodded. "It's been twenty years."

"More," Lorelai said.

"More."

"Right."

"You look…good," Max nodded.

"So do you."

"Well…"

"And…you're still teaching at Chilton!" Lorelai pointed out. "You're Alice's teacher!"

"You're Alice's grandmother."

"I am," Lorelai smiled. "I know she can be a handful, but she's a good kid, and she's so smart."

"Well, she pretty much aced that Shakespeare exam, so I believe you on that," Max said.

"Oh! Well…Yay! Good for her!"

Max nodded. "Rory put up quite a fight with headmaster Charleston about that test."

"It's still a sore spot," Lorelai said. "And…she's pregnant, so…hormones."

"Rory's pregnant?"

Lorelai smiled. "Yeah. She and Jess are having another baby."

"I don't think I was around for Jess," Max said.

"Oh…yeah…no…he's…He's a good guy."

"Good."

"Yeah."

"So, what are you doing in Hartford?" Max asked.

"Oh! I had dinner at my parents' house, and I just dropped Alice off at a friends', and I thought I'd stop by for something sickeningly unhealthy."

"Well, don't let me stop you."

Lorelai grinned. "Good seeing you, Max."

He nodded. "You, too, Lorelai."

00000

"I have arrived!"

Alice looked up from her equipment to see Liam jump onto the stage, wearing the uniform of a French musketeer. "Good god."

"Hello, gentle lady," Liam grinned, taking her hand and kissing it. "I am Porthos, one of France's noble musketeers! And who might you be?"

"Someone who is about to knee you in the groin," Alice grinned.

Liam pouted. "No fun."

She shook her head and glanced out at the crowd.

"Hey!"

She looked down, and found a boy clad in black, complete with black hat and cape.

Alice cracked up. "Oh, my god! You're Zorro!"

He smiled. "Seniorita."

She sat down on the stage and leaned over to peck him on the lips. "Nice hat."

"Nice dress," Tristin smirked. "I bet if you bend over I can see your panties."

She glared. "Try it, and I kick your teeth in."

"You are one violent angel!"

Alice smiled sweetly. "I know." She looked around and frowned suddenly. "Have you seen Emma?"

Tristin blinked. "By the drinks, I think. Why?"

"She hasn't been back here since I got here."

"I'm sure she'll be back," Tristin reassured her. "I'm gonna go get myself something to eat."

"Okay," Alice nodded and leaned over to kiss him. "Be good."

"Me? You're the one in the slutty dress."

"Hey!"

He grinned and walked off, just as Emma jumped back on stage.

"Where have you been? We're up soon!"

Emma giggled. "I was nowhere."

Alice sighed, feeling a little worried. "Well, come on. Go sound check the drums."

"Okay, Mommy."

"M'lady!"

Alice looked down and sighed at Mitch, who, like Liam was dressed up as a French musketeer. "Hi, Mitch."

"The name is Athos."

"How did you wind up as the mentor musketeer?"

"Well, Liam is, naturally the whoring musketeer, and I wasn't about to be stuck with the religious one," Mitch grinned.

Alice shook her head. "Well, you look very…French."

Charlie walked up behind Mitch and grinned. "Nice hat."

Mitch turned around and raised an eyebrow. "Who're you supposed to be?"

Charlie was dressed up in a pair of jeans, black chuck tailors, a white t-shirt and a leather jacket. His red hair was slicked back. "I'm the Fonz."

Alice shook her head. "Kurt Cobain, Zorro, the Three Musketeers, and the Fonz…the boys in my life have lost their minds."

000000

"Hi, Gloria? Yeah, it's Rory. Hi. Yeah, Jamie stopped by here and talked with Jess."

He watched from the couch as Rory paced around with the cordless phone to her ear.

"Well, Jess said he tried to talk some sense into him, and then told him to go home." Rory sat down next to Jess and rested her head on his shoulder. "I'm sorry. I know it sucks…That's a good idea. Yeah. G'night."

Jess watched her click the phone off.

0000

"It's getting better all the time. I used to get mad at my school. The teachers that taught me weren't cool. Holding me down, turning me round, and holding me up with your rules."

Alice grinned as she sang the back-up part to Liam leading vocals and strummed out the rhythm guitar part. Behind her, Emma was banging on the drums, eyes glazed, and Joey was having fun with the bass line, also singing out some of the backing vocals.

This was the only number they'd allowed Liam to sing lead on, and he was doing a damned good job. They were almost to the end of their set.

She glanced behind her at Emma. The blonde was looking a little less than well, but kept playing. Alice frowned as she wondered how much her best friend had had to drink.

00000

Charlie bopped his head along with the music as he roamed through the Anders'. He had to admit that upon hearing about this party, he'd been skeptical, but it had turned out to be great fun.

He took a sip of the soda he was drinking from a blue plastic cup, but nearly spat it all out upon turning the corner in the hallway.

There, he found his best friend...his very taken best friend, kissing a blonde, tanned girl who most certainly was not the girl he was taken by.

Said girl was on stage.

Tristin pulled away from Kayla and turned to Charlie.

"Dude…"

Tristin sighed. "It's not what it looks like."

"Oh, don't say that. That's such a stupid thing to say."

Kayla rolled her eyes. "Just don't tell Alice."

"Please," Tristin added.

Charlie sighed.

00000

It was three in the morning when Lane Rygalski opened her front door to find her son and his two best friends standing on her porch.

Two out of the three looked sober.

She frowned, and let them in.

Her son had some 'splainin to do.


	16. Lookin' Like a Seven Layer Cake

Welcome to Wonderland Chapter 16: _Lookin' Like a Seven Layer Cake_

Rory walked into the Rygalski home on Peach Street, and found Joey and Alice curled up on the couch. "Guys?"

Alice looked up and gave a half-hearted wave. "Hi."

"What's going on?"

Joey frowned. "Mom is holding Emma's hair back while she throws up."

Rory glanced from one teen to the other.

_Rory sighed as she glanced from one five year old to the other. "You can't stay up all night." _

_"Mom," Alice whined. "Please?" _

_"Please?" Joey repeated. "Mom and Dad haven't come home yet and I wanna see them when they come home." _

_"You'll see them in the morning," Rory told him. _

_"Not soon enough," Joey replied. "Nope, nope." _

_Rory sighed and shook her head._

She sat down next to them on the couch, next to Joey who rested her head on her shoulder.

A moment later, Lane walked down the stairs, looking weary, and, for the first time since Rory had known the rocker, old. "Hey, Rory."

"How's Emma?"

"Drunk."

"Other than that?"

Lane looked up in thought. "Nope. Just drunk." She headed for the kitchen. "Do you want any coffee?"

Rory got up and followed her. "No, thanks."

"Of course you want coffee, you always- did you just say no to coffee?"

Rory nodded.

Lane stared at her. "Does no mean yes?"

"No means no," Rory grinned.

"You're happy about turning down coffee."

"Well, I am pregnant."

"You're what!"

Rory smiled widely. "Knocked up with a bun in the oven."

"Oh, my god!" Lane squealed, throwing her arms around her best friend. "Congratulations!"

"Thanks." Rory hugged back tightly and then pulled back. "So, Emma got drunk."

Lane nodded.

"What about the other kids?"

"Brian picked Molly up right from the party," Lane replied. "She was sober. And Joey and Alice apparently didn't have any."

Rory's eyes widened. "Emma got drunk by herself!"

"At a kegger," Lane pointed out. She sighed. "Joey told me Mike left town again a few days ago."

"We should call her parents."

"They'll flip!"

"Maybe that's what Emma needs," Rory shrugged.

"To be yelled at and screamed at?" Lane asked.

"We're not her parents," Rory said. "It's not up to us."

"Dean is going to fly off the handle."

Rory gave a wry smirk, leaning against a counter. "And you wouldn't if this were Joe? I would have if Alice had gotten completely drunk."

Lane nodded slowly.

"I'm calling Lindsay."

"That's a bad idea, Rory," Dave said as he walked into the kitchen.

"Oh?"

Dave nodded and leaned against the kitchen table in front of Rory. "You call, and this becomes a bigger mess than before."

She looked down. "This has nothing to do with me."

Lane frowned sympathetically. "But if you get in the middle of this, they'll make it have something to do with you…they might blame Alice…" She sighed. "I'll call."

Dave nodded and pursed his lips. "Hey, Rory, you mind if Joey crashes at your place?"

"That's fine," she replied. "I'll go tell them to get their stuff together."

"I'm sorry, Rory," Lane said gently. "I know you want to help out with this…"

Rory smiled weakly. "I shouldn't get into fights now anyways…bad for the baby."

Dave gave a confused look. "Baby?"

Both women giggled.

-----

Jess woke up the next morning to the sounds of yelling, and sighed. He recognized the voices coming from the kitchen. He threw on a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt before heading down the stairs to where the noise was coming from.

Sure enough, there was Dean Forrester, standing in his kitchen, screaming at his wife.

"Hey! Shrek!"

Dean stopped yelling and turned toward Jess.

"What's with the yelling? It's eight am."

"Apparently, it's our fault that Emma got drunk and then got sick last night," Rory informed her husband.

"Huh," Jess nodded. "Wish I'd known…"

"You think this is funny?" Dean snapped. "Your daughter pressured mine into drinking!"

"Then…why wasn't Alice drunk, too?" Jess asked. "She came in last night stone sober."

"Way to cover for her."

Jess gritted his teeth and pointed an ornery finger toward the front door. "Out."

"You can't just-!"

"This is my house! I sleep here! I eat here! I…do other things here! I pay for it, and contribute to keeping it nice! Not you! You're…You just…Get out of my house!"

Dean glared before storming out.

Jess sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

Rory smiled. "My hero."

He glared. "I'm going back to bed."

-----

Alice looked up from cleaning the diner's counter. There was a lull in the lunch rush and she was taking advantage of it to get some sprucing done.

Until Emma walked in the door.

"Hiya, Drunky," Alice smirked.

Emma sighed. "That's my new nickname, huh?"

"Drunky the clown," Alice nodded.

Emma sat down at the counter. "I'm sorry. I screwed up."

"Yeah, but you played a mean set," Alice replied. "I always thought inebriation affected one's ability to do shit, but you play pretty good for a Drunky."

"The clown," Emma added.

Alice nodded. "The clown."

"Am I forgiven?"

"Only if you cut it the fuck out," Alice replied.

"You should watch your mouth, young lady," Taylor said as he approached to pay his bill.

"Heh bleh bleh," Alice mocked as she took his receipt and payment.

Emma giggled. "Seen Joey around?"

"Not since this morning," Alice replied. "Probably digging for music theory books at the bookstore again."

Emma nodded. "You think I should let him stew before I talk to him?"

Alice considered. "Yeah, you might wanna…Meantime, grab an order pad, we've got more people coming in."

Emma smirked.

-----

Emily had invited them to lunch on Sunday, but only Alice and Lorelai decided to show up.

Alice raised an eyebrow from her seat across from her great-grandmother. The woman had just gone on a long tirade about white dresses and fan dances. "So let me get this straight...you think that dressing me in a big, poofy dress and showing me off to a bunch of aging socialites is going to make my mother forgive you for being psychotic and mean?"

Richard cleared his throat warningly.

"Hey, you weren't here for the floor show, and the subsequent waterworks."

"It is a Gilmore tradition for the young ladies in the family to come out to society," Emily said.

Alice nodded slowly. "How do I say this...I don't care."

Richard sighed. "It can't hurt."

"No...nothing except my pride, dignity, self respect and possibly my feet."

Lorelai shook her head. "Guys, if she doesn't want to-"

"Of course she does," Emily cut in. "Every girl wants to be a princess for a night."

"Princess of what?" Alice snapped. "The fan dance? No thanks."

Emily's jaw set. "Alice Lorelai. you will participate in the debutante ball this year."

She snorted. "In your dreams."

-----

2 hours later...

Alice stood in front of the full length mirror in Emily's walk-in closet. She was wearing quite possibly the poofiest dress in existence.

"I look like a seven layer cake."

Emily grinned. "It's a wonderful dress."

"Cake."

"Alice."

"I probably taste delicious."

"Oh, please."

"Slap some icing on my head and serve me up with some coffee."

"Don't be so dramatic."

"Let me take this off or I'll eat it."

Emily sighed. "Fine..."

Alice scrambled out of the overly poofy frock and sighed.

Emily sifted through the rack of gowns she'd had sitting in wait. "I'd have you try on the dress your mother wore but your breasts are much smaller than hers were."

"Can we leave my boobs out of this?"

"I'm merely saying..."

"Small boobs. Check. Next dress."

Emily handed her a dress. "This is a Versace."

"It's poofier than the last dress!"

"Oh, it is not."

"Fine. You put it on."

Lorelai sighed as she leaned into the closet doorway. "Mom, why don't I make her a dress?"

"These are perfectly nice," Emily replied.

"But she hates them."

"There has to be one dress here she likes."

-----

Alice sighed as she stood on her grandmother's stool, letting the older woman take her measurements. "Thanks for the major save."

Lorelai smiled. "No problem. I didn't get to make your mom's…Emily insisted she wear my old one."

"Is it true you didn't have a debutante ball?"

"It's true," Lorelai replied. "I was busy being pregnant with your mom."

Alice stared at her grandmother thoughtfully. "Do you with you had?"

Lorelai shrugged. "Not really…mostly because I totally got something much

cooler than a ball…"

"But sometimes?"

Lorelai nodded. "Yeah. I guess sometimes I wish I had done it…you know, the little sixteen-year-old and me wishes for that one night in the spotlight."

"Were you excited about it? I mean…"

Lorelai nodded. "Yeah. I was, a little. You?"

Alice shrugged. "I've never done anything like this before."

Lorelai grinned. "Believe me. Nothing is really like this. We've got a lot to do before you can go out there."

Alice raised an eyebrow.

Lorelai just shook her head.

"Was your escort gonna be Grandpa Christopher?"

"Yup," Lorelai nodded. "We were gonna suffer through it together. Fan dance and all." She looked up at the younger girl. "Gonna ask Tristin?"

Alice smiled a little. "Yeah. I think I might."

-----

"I can't believe you think flouncing my daughter around like a piece of meat is going to make me forgive you!"

Emily sighed. "It's a chance for all of us to at least pretend that we're happy again."

"When was this imaginary time when all of us were happy?" Rory asked. "Someone was always upset about something."

"I don't understand why you aren't pleased," Emily said, ignoring her granddaughter.

"Because this is not Alice! It wasn't even me!"

"Well, it's too late now," Emily replied. "I've already registered her.

"Fine!" Rory snipped. "Just…just fine!" With that, she hung up.

Jess watched Rory and blinked. "What was that all about?"

"Alice is coming out."

Jess gave her the strangest of looks.

"NO! Not out of the closet! She's coming out to society!"

Jess blinked and then slumped down on the couch. "Even worse."

Rory sighed and patted him on the shoulder. "Come on. We've both got work tomorrow. We should get to bed."

-----

Joey opened up the front door to his house to find Emma standing there, holding a bouquet of flowers.

"Em, what?"

"I'm sorry," she pouted. "I know I was a bad Drunky the Clown…and I threw up on your shoes." She held out the flowers to him. "Forgive me?"

He grinned.

-----

Tristin sighed and scratched the back of his head awkwardly that Monday. "You want me to be your escort for the Deb ball?"

Alice nodded. "That's the gist."

"Yeah..."

"I mean...we're dating and all, so-"

"It's not really my thing."

She closed her mouth. "...Oh." Alice looked down. "It's not my thing so much either. Emily kind of badgered me into it. It can be not our thing together."

"I don't think so."

She nodded. "Okay. Forget I asked."

"Alice..."

She leaned over and pecked him on the lips before walking off.

Tristin sighed and watched her go while shutting his locker.

"Man, are you stupid."

Tristin glared at the taller boy in front of him.

"A chance to spend the night with a decked out Alice Mariano on your arm, and you turn her down cold."

"Don't do it, Huntzberger."

Mitch gave him an innocent look. "And leave one of my oldest friends high and dry without an escort?" He walked past Tristin with a grin. "In your dreams."

"So, Alice is taking part in the deb ball this year," Lorelai informed Luke as she hurried into the diner, holding a couple of bags. "Help me pick out fabric for her dress."

Luke squinted. "Me?"

"No, the other burley diner man," Lorelai grinned. "Yes, you! Come on!"

He sighed and walked over to the counter to help her look. "Man, it doesn't seem that long ago that Rory was getting for her thing."

-----

Lorelai smiled. "I know…but it was a long time ago…that was just after I broke things off with Max…"

Luke nodded.

She bit her lip. "Speaking of…I ran into him in Hartford, after I dropped Alice off on Friday night."

Luke looked up. "You did?"

Lorelai nodded. "He's good."

"Well…where'd ya run into him?"

"At the CVS," she replied. "It was all very awkward."

"What kinda awkward?"

Lorelai blinked. "What?"

"Was it…weird awkward or…romantic awkward or-"

"You've lost it," Lorelai nodded.

"And if you were flirting with him-"

"Whoa! Who was flirting?" Lorelai asked. "We ran into each other. We said hello, and made superfluous small talk. It was no big deal!"

"You used to be engaged to the guy!"

"Like…twenty years ago!" She shook her head. "Stop freaking out and help me pick out the fabric."

"I gotta work," Luke snapped. "You pick the fabric." He walked off.

"Wh…Luke!" Lorelai sighed and shook her head. "That man is insane…"

-----

Mitch slid into the desk behind Alice in English class and leaned forward. "Heard Tristin turned you down for the Deb ball."

"Not talking about it. Don't bother mocking."

"Who's mocking?" Mitch asked. "I was gonna offer up my escort services."

Alice snickered. "For how much?"

"A free batch of fries from Luke's."

"Serious?"

"As a Baudelaire Poem."

She turned and smiled at him. "Deal."

-----

Logan opened the door to the Mariano house without knocking and stepped in, followed closely by Madison, Mitch.

"Hello!" Rory smiled, rushing to the front hall to meet them. She kissed Logan and Mitch on their cheeks and hugged Madison tightly.

"Lookin sharp, Ace," Logan grinned.

Rory rolled her eyes and smoothed out the red dress she was wearing. "Madison, Alice is upstairs getting ready if you wanna go up."

"Where's Jess?" Logan asked as Madison made her way up the stairs, and Mitch walked over and sat on the couching in the living room.

"Pouting about his tuxedo," Rory smiled.

Logan grinned. "Poor man doesn't get to look scruffy for once in his life."

"I may be scruffy-looking, but I'm still more attractive than you," Jess said as he walked down the stairs.

Logan grinned. "Jess."

"Logan."

"How are you guys, anyways?" Logan asked. "We haven't talked lately."

"I'm pregnant," Rory replied.

Logan stared. "Jess, you dog."

Jess shrugged.

Rory snickered. "Come on, boys. Let's go wait for the girls to get ready."

-----

The arrived at the country club and Madison and Alice were herded away from their families into a large dressing room with many other girls, all dressed in white.

Alice sighed as she touched up her make-up in the mirror.

"Mariano," Kayla smirked as she sat next to her.

"Twiggy."

"All set?"

"Yup."

Kayla looked her up and down with a quirked eyebrow. "That isn't your dress, is it?"

Alice turned to her. "That depends. That isn't your face, is it?"

Kayla winked. "See you out there."

"Must be my lucky day," Alice muttered.

Kayla got up and brushed past Madison, nearly knocking her over.

"Hey!"

"Better watch where you're going," Kayla grinned. "You wouldn't want to trip."

Madison turned red and crossed her arms.

"Don't listen to her," Alice said as Kayla left. "You're hotter than she is."

Madison smiled a little and sat next to her to touch up her own face.

-----

"Madison Huntzberger. Daughter of Logan Huntzberger and Paris Gellar."

Madison gripped Logan's arm tightly as they walked down the stairs. When they reached the bottom, Charlie walked up, bowed, and took Madison's hand.

"Alice Mariano, daughter of Jess and Lorelai Mariano."

"Don't trip," Alice muttered.

Jess nodded. "Don't trip."

They reached the bottom of the stairwell and Alice let go of Jess and took Mitch's hand as he came up from his bow.

"Way to not trip," Mitch muttered.

"I'm amazing," she smirked.

Mitch grinned. "You won't hear my arguing."

Alice blushed a little.

"Kayla Johnson. Daughter of Mark and Tara Johnson."

Alice watched the busty blonde walk down the steps on her father's arm and down to the arm of another blond.

Mitch squinted. "Ali...isn't that...?"

Her jaw clenched as she stared. "Yeah."

Mitch glared. "That little bitch."

-----

Rory, Logan and Jess stared from the bar as Tristin took Kayla's hand.

"Son of a-"

"Oh, no," Rory lamented.

"Wow. What an ass," Logan added. "Even I'm not that big an ass."

Emily rushed over. "Isn't that-"

"Yup," Rory nodded.

Jess glanced over to where Lorelai, Luke and Richard were sitting. "Luke's gonna tear that kid's head off."

"Well, good," Rory hissed. "He told Ali he wasn't coming."

"Cool down, Ace," Logan said.

"No."

"Hormones," Jess told the other man. "She gets snippy when she's pregnant."

Emily fumed. "We have to do something."

"She's always snippy," Jess added. He turned to the two women. "Plot his death now, carry it out later."

----

"So…thanks for being my escort."

Charlie smiled as he danced with Madison. "Hey, no problem…I'm glad you

asked me."

Madison smiled and danced more confidently, until she spotted Tristin dancing with Kayla. "Why is my best friend's boyfriend dancing with the Queen of Slut Town?"

"One, you really need to stop watching old Buffy reruns," Charlie chuckled. "And two, because he's a douche bag."

She frowned, but kept dancing.

-----

"Next move?"

"To the left," Alice replied as she danced with Mitch. "It's a waltz."

Mitch sighed. "I mean...about Tristin."

She shrugged. "I'm thinking silent treatment. You know, this might very well get me out of the fan dance."

"Alice..."

"What do you want me to say, Mitch? What do you want me to do?"

"Kiss me to make him jealous."

Alice nodded. "Nice try."

He grinned. "Couldn't resist...and...you know, I've always wanted to kiss you."

She sighed. "Mitch..."

"No pressure."

Alice frowned. "I'd really like to go home."

Mitch nodded. "Follow my lead."

"I am."

"Well, keep at it." He began to lead them off of the dance floor and to the table where their families were sitting.

"Hi," Alice said.

"Hey," Rory replied. "Say the word and Mommy will take the rusty hedge clippers to Grown Boy."

"You're scary when you're pregnant," Alice told her.

"What brings you to our humble table?" Richard asked.

"I want to go home," she said.

"Done," Jess nodded.

"Not done," Emily snapped. "What about the fan dance?"

Alice's jaw clenched. "Fuck the fan dance."

"Alice!"

"Fan dances are for evil, bitchy whores."

Lorelai gave her a sympathetic look. "Sweetie..."

"I'll be in the car." With that, she took off.

-----

Tristin watched Alice leave from the dance floor. "Kayla, I should..."

She rolled her eyes. "Please. It's not like she gives a damn about you."

"What?"

"She doesn't care about you," Kayla shrugged. "Not like I do."

Tristin frowned and looked toward the door. Still, they kept dancing.

----

Mitch frowned as he sauntered out of the country club for some air. He enjoyed watching his sister having fun and wear her poofy dress, but the nagging thought that Alice at home, sulking (the Marianos had left promptly after her exit) was tugging at him.

He sighed and turned to go back in, but stopped when he saw Tristin walk slowly out.

"Hey! Dugrey!" Mitch said, walking up to him.

Tristin looked up, just as Mitch threw a left hook in his face.

-----

"Gonna answer that?"

Alice didn't reply. She merely kept strumming her acoustic guitar as he cell phone kept ringing. Her gown was stuffed into the waist basket in the corner of her bedroom.

Jess nodded and walked over, lifting it up. "I'm gonna go put this away."

"Whatever."

"Need anything?"

"No."

Jess sighed. "Maybe you should just talk to the guy."

"You hate him."

"You don't."

She frowned.

-----

"I told you."

Tristin rolled his eyes as he dialed Alice's number again. "Shut up, Charlie."

"Fine. But I told you it would blow up in your face."

Tristin shook his head. "It wasn't anything."

"Like the kiss at that party. Or the kissing in the locker room."

"Shut up!" Tristin cried.

"You screwed up!"

"I know!" Tristin growled. "I've got the black eye to prove it."

-----

The next afternoon found Tristin following Alice as she made her rounds with the coffee at the diner.

"What part of 'leave me alone' don't you understand?"

"The part where I leave you alone."

She rolled her eyes.

"I'm sorry! I thought I was doing the right thing!"

"Bullshit," Alice snapped.

"Such language," Taylor said.

Alice glared at the old man. "Suck it."

"My word!"

"Alice-"

"Go home."

"I didn't cheat on you with Kayla."

"Still lied to me."

"And it was stupid."

"Ya think?"

"You can't just shut me out like this!" Tristin cried.

"Why not?"

"Because...because I love you."

She glared. "What do you think I am?"

"He's in trouble now," Kirk muttered.

Tristin glanced at him and then back at Alice.

"Do I look like some sappy, simpering, airhead to you?" she asked.

"What-"

"Oh, you love me," Alice mocked. "First of all, that fixes nothing. Second of all...Bullshit! We've been dating two months! You don't fall in love with someone after just two months! And third of all…third of all, if you did love me, you wouldn't have lied to me and then let that whore monger hang off your arm in the first place."

"She begged me!"

"Oh yeah? What did she do? Pout? Did she promise to...to make it worth your while."

"Hey! She's still my friend, you know!"

"With benefits, right?" Alice asked. "That's how these things work, right?"

"For god's sake, nothing happened with Kayla!" Tristin cried. "Just..." He took a step toward her. "One more chance."

She stared at him.

"I screwed up," he admitted. "I did. But nothing happened. And I'm sorry."

Alice crossed her arms.

"One more shot," he said. "Please? I'll...do...anything."

She looked down.

-----

"I can't believe you got back together with him," Molly said.

"One more chance," Alice replied as she, Joey and Molly worked on the used sound equipment they'd bought. "Everybody deserves a-"

"He's a jerk!" Molly cried.

Alice sighed. "I have to do this…I…I do care about him…"

Joey nodded as he turned a couple of dials. "So just…see what happens…but if he pulls bullshit again…"

"He's gone," Alice nodded. "He knows."

Joey frowned and nodded back. "Come on, let's see if this thing actually works."

They got back to work.


End file.
